I have been thinking about these three things to accomplish all day. This has been neither easy or pleasant for me. Here is what I have come up with.
1. First and foremost, we must end the physical violence against women and girls in our community. I will start at the most basic level. Our husbands, sons, fathers simply must stop raising their hands against us. Quit hitting us! We must stop pretending that this physical battering does not happen. It does and it happens often. We must not be ashamed or afraid to do whatever it takes, including calling the police to put an end to it. Our daughters need to be taught to protect themselves. Gatka is a wonderful choice. I admit that it shames me that this is a problem, but it is, a huge problem, rarely acknowledged. All our other male/female problems are dwarfed when held up to this gross physical violence.
There is an element of shame among us if we are battered. There is an assumption that we must somehow deserve it. This is a nonsense attitude that we must change. No one deserves this treatment.
And I haven't yet mentioned the murder of our girl children, whether before or after birth.
I have been told that first people's minds must be changed, then the behaviour will change of itself. What are we to do until the men change their minds, live with black eyes, broken bones, and the feeling of shame that we somehow deserve this, that we bring it upon ourselves?
This idea that the attitudes of the men must first change is a fallacy. I have seen it in the United States civil rights movement. When the Civil Rights Bill of 1964 (I think I have the year right) was passed, few Americans believed in anything approaching racial equality. Still, the law was changed and as behaviours changed, attitudes changed, too. Who in 1964 would have believed Barack Obama could be elected President less than 50 years later? (I have been trying to think of something as dramatic in Canada and India and the UK, but nothing comes to mind.)
Likewise, if we women start insisting on the laws against domestic violence be enforced, they will be enforced. And the men will stop hitting us, if only because jail is unpleasant. I could go on and on, but I won't.
The other goals we need to attain pale in significance next to this one. Yes, I want to hear Kaurs singing kirtan at Harinmandir Sahib. Yes, we ought to perform every sewa an individual woman is physically capable of performing. Yes, we should be treated as equals. Yes, yes, yes.
But until our physical safety is assured, these other things are distractions.
I say, let us focus on ending physical domestic violence. Once we make some headway there, I'll talk about numbers two and three.
And let us do it always with chardi kala!
.........list will be ready soon........
