Missing Sikh Girl

Why do we Sikhs kill our girls ? Greedy for wealth to be earned from dowry? Scared that we will not be able to save her honor ( strictly speaking it is our own false honor that she should not elope) ? Are we Savage ? Are we foolish ? Short sighted ? An unidentified ENEMY "X"!! Stupid Indian Punjab legacy!!

Are we:

1. Greedy for wealth to be earned from dowry--- ? Is this not an Anti Sikh activity as our Gurbani says earn out of your hard work and not out of yours in laws wealth.

2. Scared that we will not be able to save her honour ( strictly speaking it is our own false honour that she should not elope) ? --- Are we Sikhs supposed to be scared.

3. Are we Savage ? -- None of our action of past supports this. I think we are a Kind and a compassionate religous group .

4. Are we foolish ? --- No I dont think so . We have a brilliant PM in our own country . Also we have had a Chief minister in a distant land of British columbia in Canada -- An unbelieveable and unparalled feat :star: .

5.Short sighted ? -- I mean thinking of only ourself and the immediate next generation. I think this is not our legacy. Our ancestors have been giving up their lives for last 500 years so that we could be the harbinger of torch of life. I personally feel we Sikhs have a rendevouz with destiny till Akal.

6. An unidentified ENEMY "X" :- Is there some unidentified enemy that we are not able to see or understand who wants us to opt out of our march to destiny to AKAL ?

7. Stupid Indian Punjab legacy :- Now by some magic and blessing bestowed by our Gurus we are today a Global Community ( Wahe guru willing we shall shortly also become solar residents thanks to NASA and ISRO ). May be our brothers in western countries who live amongst the intellectually advanced people could shed some light. Do they in west also Knock out there girls as we do here ?

Now this is a highly emotive topic and we must have a fierce debate on this.

This is just the beginning of thoughts on this great site. More as we "PONDER"

Love


WGKWGF
BSNSSA

Dr H P Singh

Re: A homage to our " Missing SIKH girl ""My sister,wife,mother & daughter"on 20 Dec 2005

wjkk
wjkf

the main reason of female foeticide is the paraya dhan attiude of the indian society toward girls.a boy is a best insurance policy.in a family if a boy is earning 10000 and a girl is earning 1 lakh the parents will not hesistate to take money from the boy while they will not accept a single rupee from their daughter.many parents prefer to die rather than taking money from their daughters.
lavish spending on the marriages is the another reason
also many business families want boys to run their businesses.in india it is not possible for girls to manage bussines like restaurent transport etc

this problem will only solve when the attituide of the society towards girls change.crime against women should be reduced

Gurfateh

In other parts of India even when girl child is not aborted it dies due to lack of care.

1. Develop The EQ ie Emotional Quotient in both the Man and Woman First Instead of IQ.
2. Try to Balance Between the IQ and EQ .
3 . Don't try to Suppress the Emotion Quotient of the Male Child from the childhood . Contex he becomes hard hearted.
4. Educate Women Also to Respect the her fellow Women ie in context of SAAS BAHU.
5. Try To give respect and VALUE to Those who don't Ask For Dowry . In the Context , If someone Doesn't Ask for dowry , people consider the groom valuless .
6. Educate the People.

Re: A homage to our " Missing SIKH girl ""My sister,wife,mother & daughter"on 20 Dec 2005

kds1980 said:

wjkk
wjkf

the main reason of female foeticide is the paraya dhan attiude of the indian society toward girls.a boy is a best insurance policy.in a family if a boy is earning 10000 and a girl is earning 1 lakh the parents will not hesistate to take money from the boy while they will not accept a single rupee from their daughter.many parents prefer to die rather than taking money from their daughters.
lavish spending on the marriages is the another reason
also many business families want boys to run their businesses.in india it is not possible for girls to manage bussines like restaurent transport etc

this problem will only solve when the attituide of the society towards girls change.crime against women should be reduced

Click to expand...

Dear KDS ,


People want boys , it doesn't means that they love boys , but boy is a human being only for three years ie starting from to his 3 years.

Then the parents are head on heals to suppress his emotions and reduction of EQ and More Stress on IQ.

A Boy is a robotic Emotionless Donkey for parents , then After marriage He is an automatic Teller machine for wife .

People are giving lot of Stress on Women . But , people also have to think about the Men .

good replies dvs i agree with you

vijaydeep Singh said:

Gurfateh

In other parts of India even when girl child is not aborted it dies due to lack of care.

Click to expand...

It is right , People follow double standard , same people who do not like Daughters , who fail to discharge their duties towards their daughters , at the time of marriage they expect the groom to do so.

They portray to the outside world that how much do they care for their daughter .


I have seen many families , they have made their daughters cross their age over 33 in search of MR.Right.

But at the same at home they disrespect their own daughters and every now and then they quarrel with them . And sometimes curse their daughters , that why you are not getting married .

vijaydeep Singh said:

Gurfateh

In other parts of India even when girl child is not aborted it dies due to lack of care.

Click to expand...

missing sikh girls.

Female infanticide rates in the punjab are amoung the highest even today. Killing of baby girls even in sikh history has been prevlant and sadly it continued to be practices as an awful 'practice'/custom that existed historcally for e.g. just like the practic of 'satei'. Whereas 'sati' was openly critised and then outlawed the practice of killing girls was not wiped out and my opinion is that the sikh never actually did anything to stop it. It was practices a lot in the Bedi families. The same old stigma attached to girls as opposed to giving birth to boys which ever one aspired to for cultural and economic reasons. It is a very sad fact that punjabis/sikh did not outlaw it and it carried on for as long as it did.


Jaswinder Kaur

For Centuries Punjabis and Sikhs are Living in the FAIRY TALE DREAMS , and are TELLING each other to Bell the Cat.

sorry what does Bell the Cat mean??

Dont know about Bell the Cat but the families where actually killing the girls and it was a wide practice . It is like just any other issue concerning rights of women...ignored!

To create awareness , and a true education to both Man and Woman in action , not indulging into the web of words.

Dear Friend ,

The issue is not ignored one , but most of the time it is the woman only who makes the life of the daughter-in-law a hell .

A woman has to respect the fellow woman .

Women have got freedom , but not the mental freedom . They have got physical freedom , but then again they have got enslaved in the traps of world .

Man and Woman are complementary to each other .

I still remember that how the evil mother in law of my elder Sister made her life a Hell ..... and I still cannot forget , that my sister died in the same year she was married .

Gurfateh

Das is soory for you dear DS ji.

The population ratio of females to males in Punjab is probably the lowest in the country. If I remember right it 793 females to 1000 males.

Frankly speaking I am quite perplexed as to the reason. There is no impetus from the Sikh religion. In fact there is active discouragement for violence or discrimination against women. SRM also prescribes social boycott for those practicing female infanticide. So then why this sorry state?

The only reason and a very weak one is, that girl is considered as a "Bhar" or burden. First the parents have to spend a lot in bringing her up, then you have get her married off at expense which strains the families resources and then you have to continuously feed the greedy in laws to ensure her well being. So the returns for the family in having a girl are a big negative!

Fortunately with the spread of education girls in Punjab are becoming quite assertive and are in no mood to take any more nonsense. About 1 1/2 years back there was a well publicized case in Patiala in which a bridegroom and his family from USA demanded a dowry of Rs. 50 lakhs. The girl was qualified doctor. She would have none of this . So a plan was put in place. All the marriage arrangemnts were made. When the Barat reached the brides place, the bride people descended on the groom and his party and gave them a sound thrashing. As we say in Punjabi "kut dita see". They were subsequntly handed over to the police.
Isolated instances like these apart, this is serious problem. Fortunately preachers like Bhai Gur Iqbal Singh, Bhai Pinderpal Singh etc are tirelessly preaching that female infanticide and not giving equal status to women, is against basic Sikh tenets. The Govt of Punjab also with all its faults has launched media campaign against mistreatment of women.

I have just one questionto ask;

Our gurus had strictly forbidden practicing castecism, but it is raising its ugly head.
Our gurus had talked against illtreatment of women, but we disregard that.
Our gurus had forbidden consumption of intoxicants, but the consumption of alcohol is the highest in Punjab.

Why do disregard the teachings of our gurus so easily?

I am reminded of of what Guru Gobind Singh Ji had said:

Jab Lag Khalsa Rahe Niara, Tab Lag Tej Dioon Mein Sara
Jab Eh Gaye Bipran Ki Reet, Mein Na Karoon In Ki Parteet.

Is'nt because of this that Khalsa finds itself in pitiable plight (Warned by Guru Gobind Singh Ji) in the country of its birth?

Harbans Singh

I think a bit of all these.

The only reason and a very weak one is, that girl is considered as a "Bhar" or burden. First the parents have to spend a lot in bringing her up, then you have get her married off at expense which strains the families resources and then you have to continuously feed the greedy in laws to ensure her well being. So the returns for the family in having a girl are a big negative!

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It is not always the greedy in laws.Many times the girl's family just to keep their social prestige high in their biradari and in groom's family spend large amount on marriage and give big dowry

Fortunately with the spread of education girls in Punjab are becoming quite assertive and are in no mood to take any more nonsense. About 1 1/2 years back there was a well publicized case in Patiala in which a bridegroom and his family from USA demanded a dowry of Rs. 50 lakhs. The girl was qualified doctor. She would have none of this . So a plan was put in place. All the marriage arrangemnts were made. When the Barat reached the brides place, the bride people descended on the groom and his party and gave them a sound thrashing. As we say in Punjabi "kut dita see". They were subsequntly handed over to the police.

Click to expand...

actually the situation among middle class sikhs in city like delhi have worsened.Dowry rates are going to crazy heights.Many girls are now working in private sector earning rs. 30000 and above per month.so the parents and girls themselves want that their prospective husbands should be equally educated and earning equally or higher than a them.many families are now even offering flats as dowry which cost millions to grooms which they find suitable on the other hand they themself turn down proposals of boys
which are earning less.so for this system of Dowry parents of Girls and Girls should also be blamed.after all you cannot clap from one hand.

Im not sikh so i can't speak in terms of a religious sense. however, my family has lots of Sikh family friends in India and even one or two Bane hoye Bhen-Bhra(i can't remember the english word). I also have extended family in big cities of Punjab.

The main reason is the same for Hindus and Sikhs:
1) Money - In the older times people use to collect dowry from the day the girl was born. Nowadays, even if you collect it from the day she is born and marry her off when she's 25 you will still not have enough.
Education Costs up to 12th, Education costs for degrees, Cost of the marriage ceremony, cost of dowry, Lena Dena after marriage at ever festival, birth of children and at any wedding at the in laws of the daughter.

Now im putting a rough estimate here according to the rates in Delhi, Jalandhar, Ludhiana etc. Lets say you ignore the education costs, after all every child deserves education.

I would say the cost of Marriage Ceremony, Dowry and Lena Dena would cross 20 - 30 Lakhs easily for a middle class family depending on how money hungry the inlaws are.

I know Sikh gurus warned against ritualism. Marriage these days have become ritualism. They need the best suits and saris, best pandaal, best dj, best singer, best everything basically. Anything less than that hurts the SHAAN of people.

2) Cultural Pressure - A family with only daughters is a gold mine for people to say things. Its intense stress due to the cultural idea of everything "going to the inlaws".

Also, the other reason is the legal change. In older times, Once you married your daughter off that was it. You did a bit of lena dena every now and then thats it.

Nowadays, the law has changed. Girls can now demand an equal share of property once the parents die. Many times, the in laws of the girl will force the girl to fight with her brother over inheritance.

3) Individual change - Girls are now more independant, outgoing and daring. Watch the music videos from Punjab. I know music videos aren't an accurate description but the culture is changing.

Many girls fall in love with Losers, guys of different caste and guys their families don't like. When one girl in the street does this, it puts the fear into the hearts of other parents in the street or Pind.


Plus there is many types of people who are aborting girls:
1) Rural poor: Once who want sons for farming etc and cannot even afford a tractor let alone marriage of a girl.

2) City poor: Same story as rural poor but they just cannot compete with the dowry rates

3) City Middle - Lower Upper Class: Ones who are worried about the affordability + the social stigma of businesses or everything going to the 'Jawai'.


I hate to say it but I think its inevitable it was going to happen. In the older times most girls were married by 14 and were illiterate. It was hard but not as hard as now at least financially. I guess if someone had changed these views 100 years ago we wouldn't be at the stage we are now.

Also, lets not forget the dodgy doctors who perform these operations. They make abortion like a drive-thru. Come in, get the operation done and forget about it. It is ridiculous. Parents don't think about what they are doing at all.

Sau ku Manda akhei jis jame rajan!

Our gurbani says that....but no matter how much we read it daily we do not understand the meaning behind it.

TO answer why sikh kills his/ her own daugther or why they mistreat them we first have to ask such people do they call themselves tru sikh?

Kaur adds power but where is the power......greed may not be social pressure yes.......trememdous......none of us have the strength to live against the society we live in........

When ladies come to the house to not give blessing for the new born girl but to ake the parents feel bad...do w have the courage to tell them to get out......no because we want to be good.........we want to be known..........

That is the reason........after weeding people come to see what the girl brought with her.......do the in-lwas have courage to say she brought love and respect.......nah......things start to count........bitterness starts to creep........

Coming back a true sikh thinks different and more importantly acts different........guru gobind singhji made us ifferent but we choose to be same..........