A Sikh Marrying In Different Caste

[manas_ki_jaat]

SSA all members,

I never believe in castes but my parents strongly believe in caste system. The problem has risen when i told my parents that i love a girl who doesn't belong to our caste. According to my parents the girl belongs to scheduled caste. i told my parents that the girl's family has strongly believe in Sikhism, so what is the problem. But my parents don't want to listen anything and strongly deny from the marriage.

This thing is fading my faith from religions. Now i think that if religious scriptures are not able to change the thinking of people from years, what is the benefit of these religions?
if loving someone is wrong then all the love in this world is wrong.



If parents teach that break the promise you have done with someone then how can i keep all the promises made with my parents.

If someone thinks i am wrong, tell me, i appreciate the feedback.

Plz help me, how can i make my parents agree 4 marriage?

 

[spnadmin]

Re: marriage

manas_ki_jaat ji

Welcome first of all to SPN. Your question has been asked many times here before. Each time the members have taken this issue to heart and have given their honest and sincere answers. They do not always agree with each other. But you can be certain that all sides of the problem that you are now facing will be taken seriously and the feedback will be supportive.

In the end you will have to read, reflect, judge for yourself as you read their replies. And you will have to make up your own mind. But your questions will be taken very seriously here.

 

[manas_ki_jaat]

Re: marriage

thanks narayanjot
i know this question has already been here many times by other members. i have read there answers and i appreciate at least there is a place in the world where people sincerly answer to others.

 

[spnadmin]

Re: marriage

Just keep checking the thread. And stay in touch with us.

 

[rajneesh madhok]

Re: marriage

Dear Manas ki jaat ji,
Firstly it depends upon which type of town or city live in. Secondly in which country you live in. I come to the first point. if you live in India in Metropolitan city or big city in India then there is no problem to marry with the girl of your choice but if you live in Small to medium town then there are so many problems which occur after marriages. As per caste system there is difference between customs, culture and rituals. If your financially position is really good then most of the problems are being solved but if your financial position is not so strong then the problems get multiplied.
I disscuss all the pros & cons:

1. As per your post your pareents are not so liberal. In such situation the parents don't allow the newly wed couple to live in the joint house and so to live separately you will have to arrange for the separate accommodation. So, keep this aspect in mind before taking any decision.
2. I would suggest you not to go against the wishes of your parents as if you are able to convince them then there is no harm to marry but against their wishes it will create havoc, to convince them you may take the help of siblings those can make your parents understand.
3. If you are independent then only you should go for taking the decision independently, if you are dependent upon him then wait for having an nice earning before marriage.
4. The love which you describe will shoot away in days after marriage when the reality you will have to face. Blood group caompatibility and thallisimia check should be done before taking this type of step. As in love related marriages one can go for these types of checks and it will be useful to avoid future health issue and having children.
5. I agree to you that marriage should be not bounded to caste colour creed and race. But my sincere advice would be to convince your parents first. First of all you should keep in mind about your before your regards to the caste of the girl and her regard to your caste. Though these castes have been formed by the man but in real life the caste feelings disturb the peace relations of humans. Please to convince your parents before going for intercaste marriage
6. As this is the question on which whole of the life depends. So, don't take any decision in a hurry.
7. As there will be difference in performing prayers and so after marriage you and your wife have to adjust and respect to the feelings of others. Likewise both of your will have to manage the children also. Though it is not a big deal but one should keep this point in consideration.
8. Keep in consideration about social bondages which are being created later. Now I come to the vedic theory, in that theory, the one's Caste is based upon Karma (Deeds), if the Scheduled castes are doing the job of teaching then according to Vedic theory that will be called Brahmin.
9. In your case both of you belong to the Sikh religion. The terminologies like OBC, SC, ST and the names of almost all the castes based on professions and this is not written in the religious books and scriptures.
10. If you are living the village then think not once but thrice to go for this relation and you must convince your parents. As in interior villages it would be a problem for you and your family members to move in the divided societies which is prevalent in villages.
11. Now I come to your statement that your parents strongly believe in caste system. You have written that the problem has been risen when you told your parents that you love a girl that don't belong to your caste and that the girl belong to Schedule castes family. Both of your statements should be considered. But firstly go for the points arisen from Point No. 1 to 10. These are the problems those create hurdles though both of you have faith in sikhism. Kindly go for the help of other friends and relatives to convince them. They will listen to your common friends and relatives.
12. Your statement that this thing is fading your faith in religions. How can you justify you. In which religion this type of marriages are prohibited. Kindly go through religious scriptures before making comment that "if religious scriptures are not able to change the thinking of people from years, what is the benefit of these religions" Have you heard about Manas ki jaat sabhe ik pahchanvo. Keep in Consideration the teachings of Gurbani Jaat ka Garb na kariyo koi which means tht no one should be proud of his caste. Concerning this matter your statement regarding religion is biased.
    

Rajneesh Madhok

 

[manas_ki_jaat]

Re: marriage

Thanks rajneesh for guiding me.
I appreciate your advice. U explained so well and things are now more clear for me.
I belong to jalandhar city of punjab.
we both are earning and there are no differences in our prayers. The only difference is of caste and i know for parents its very big difference because they grew up with these kinds of things around and they are right on their place. I'll try to convince parents hope if they understand.

Thanks once again.
I will keep all points into consideration before taking any decision.

 

[Randip Singh]

SSA all members,

I never believe in castes but my parents strongly believe in caste system. The problem has risen when i told my parents that i love a girl who doesn't belong to our caste. According to my parents the girl belongs to scheduled caste. i told my parents that the girl's family has strongly believe in Sikhism, so what is the problem. But my parents don't want to listen anything and strongly deny from the marriage.

This thing is fading my faith from religions. Now i think that if religious scriptures are not able to change the thinking of people from years, what is the benefit of these religions?
if loving someone is wrong then all the love in this world is wrong.



If parents teach that break the promise you have done with someone then how can i keep all the promises made with my parents.

If someone thinks i am wrong, tell me, i appreciate the feedback.

Plz help me, how can i make my parents agree 4 marriage?

Interesting.

Without revealing my caste, I got married out of caste to a Jatt lady.

My family (apart from my mother and father), were adamant I shouldn't get married to a "lower" caste. Her family were adamant that their daughter not get married out of caste and viewed every other caste as "lower".

We are now married and both our families are fine. I Guess our kids are a really really low "caste" now.

Ensure the reason for what you are doing is not "Kaam" and it is because you believe there is NO difference between human beings. If this is the reason , then nothing can stop you!!

BTW, my family is from a land owning family around Jallandhar!

 

[rajneesh madhok]

Manas ki jaat ji, Randipji,

According to The Bhagavad Gita Varnas are decided based on Guna and Karma. According to Manusmriti and some other Shastras the varnas are the Brahmins (teachers, scholars and priests), the Kshatriyas (Kings and warriors), the Vaishyas (agriculturists and traders) and Shudras ( Service providers and artisans)

Flexibility in caste laws permitted the example is about the religious clerics such as Valmikiji to compose the Ramayana, which became a central work of Hindu scripture. Dr. B.R. Ambedkar has formally outlawed the practice of untouchability in the Constitution of India in 1950. Mr. K.R. Narayanan became the President of India and at present Chief Justice of India Hon'ble Justice K.G. Balakrishnana have belonged to castes formerly considered untouchable.

Now conclude yourself that whether they are actually lower caste or upper caste. Whether they are Brahmins or Shudras?

According to Karma theory one can justify the caste system.
Rajneesh Madhok

 

[manas_ki_jaat]

Yes randip i strongly believe that there is no difference between human beings.
From past few years i am listening lots of "Kathas" by maskeen ji and osho and i have strongly influenced by them. I believe from years people are become parrots. They cram the holy wordings written in our holy scriptures but they don’t have courage to implement the learning in their life. Religion is all about practice, and it’s ridiculous what people are doing on the name of religion these days.<?"urn:<img src=" />
If ever I tell someone that what you are doing is not fruitful at all, they start laughing and said you are too young to talk about this yet.
People said that “SGGS” is our guru, I too believe. But guru is someone from whom you learn something. By just saying SGGS our guru and not learning single thing from them cannot serve the purpose of life.

 

[stacia]

I thought one of the most basic tenets of Sikhism was "equality" ..... That there was not to be a caste system. That men and women of all levels of society, all creeds, all religions, ALL PEOPLE were to be treated equally and respected as individuals. Is that not the case? Was not the very origin of Sikhism based upon fighting social injustice?

 

[Randip Singh]

I thought one of the most basic tenets of Sikhism was "equality" ..... That there was not to be a caste system. That men and women of all levels of society, all creeds, all religions, ALL PEOPLE were to be treated equally and respected as individuals. Is that not the case? Was not the very origin of Sikhism based upon fighting social injustice?

As I have replied to you in another thread, do not confuse the Punjabi Culture with Sikhism.

You are confusing the two.

 

[Sikh royalist]

SSA all members,

I never believe in castes but my parents strongly believe in caste system. The problem has risen when i told my parents that i love a girl who doesn't belong to our caste. According to my parents the girl belongs to scheduled caste. i told my parents that the girl's family has strongly believe in Sikhism, so what is the problem. But my parents don't want to listen anything and strongly deny from the marriage.

This thing is fading my faith from religions. Now i think that if religious scriptures are not able to change the thinking of people from years, what is the benefit of these religions?
if loving someone is wrong then all the love in this world is wrong.



If parents teach that break the promise you have done with someone then how can i keep all the promises made with my parents.

If someone thinks i am wrong, tell me, i appreciate the feedback.

Plz help me, how can i make my parents agree 4 marriage?

dear brother take my suggestion and do what your parents want they love you the most,they care for you like nobody else can
you cant leave your parent for a girl you have met a few days back
now be a good son and dont run away from your responsibilities

Good luck

 

[preetkhalsa]

Same condition bro

 

[preetkhalsa]

Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa waheguru Ji Ki fateh
I am Sikh girl but I never believe in caste system but my parents believe in it I love anyone who from another caste he is a nice person always help me in hard conditions as well as he is doing path and kirtan so I want to marriage with him but my parents totally against this marriage due to intercaste I do want to hurt anybody can anyone help me in this situation that how my parents ready for this marriage

 

[HarKirtanSunai]

I don't know this sounds very tough. The first thing that came to mind is just talk to them and start crying alot. Maybe they will see that they are hurting you so much they will change. I hope more people have better ideas. This is sad because Guru Nanak would have been angry at your parents for believing in cast. Even in japji sahib it is clear that believing in cast is like slapping the guru's teaching in the face. If you go by Guru Granth Sahib, it is worse than cutting your hair. Sorry for your situation, hope someone here has a better idea.

 

[P J Singh]

I just read about your predicament ( -- the first entry on this thread), but I did not read all the advise many have kindly offered you on this thread.

Here is my input:

In Sikhi, "Human Equality" is paramount and foundational -- caste and creed has absolutely no meaning if one follows the tenets of Sikhi and lives by its teachings.

From your statement, I gather you are male but what I am going to say should apply to both male and female.

First thing which is quite important is this: Are you educationally and financially settled in your life? By that I mean are you dependent on your parents or not. If you are dependent on your parents than you have a less of the clout to change their mind. So the first step before you start thinking of marrying your "love" from any caste , please work to be financially and emotionally independent. If you are financially and emotionally independent of your parents and family than you may be able to not only convince your parents but may also be able to educate them with the basic principles of Sikhi and help them become better Sikhs as well.

If you are dependent on them, then it may be difficult and you may be required to follow their wishes and rules no matter how wrong they may be in this matter (unless you are a trailblazer and wants to initiate a social change.)

But if you are financially and emotionally independent than it is your call whom you would like to marry and you may also be able to negotiate under what conditions you would relate with your parents and family.

Aside from "Human Equality", Sikhi also demands that we all be decent. loving and caring individuals. So please do not be antagonist with your parents but based on your financial standing and independence communicate to them with respect your decision to marry out of caste.