Adopted Into A Sikh Family

[y2k]

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji fateh

Hello Everyone

My name is was Robert and I am now 13 years old living in Jammu with my adoptive Sikh family, I was born in Toronto, Canada and I am of European background. I became an exchange student to India two years at the age of 11 when I got accepted into a student exchange program so that is how I came to stay with my current adoptive Sikh family. My Host Sikh family consisted of a father and mother, 2 daughter’s ages 4 and 8 and a two boys which one is my age and the other is 6 years old plus the father’s biological parents. After staying with them for four months the entire family became so fond of me that they asked me if I wanted to be adopted as their son. You see, I am a foster child back in Canada since I was two years old because my biological mother was declared unfit to raise me due to her drug addiction and severe paranoid schizophrenia, as a result the judge put me in foster care. Since my mother’s family was also not considered fit to raise me either nor did I know my father or his family as I was conceived under a one night stand so as a result I basically said yes to my host’s family request to adopt me. It took them a year and 9 months (the paperwork was finalized on June 24) to get the paper work done so my adoption by this family would be official; during this time my hair grew down to my shoulders as I was not allowed to cut my hair while I am living with them. Anyway I am writing to say that something bad happened yesterday that put a wedge between me and my adoptive Sikh family, I got into a fight with my adoptive brother while playing video games and I accidently tore off his patka, now my adoptive parents and grandparents are furious, they are not talking to me right now.

 

[Harry Haller]

Hello Robert.

They are behaving quite silly, given that you are adoptive and you are not from the same background.

You show huge maturity for 13, your going to be ok, you are intelligent and articulate, your path is fine.

Show patience with your adoptive family, Sikhs are very passionate people, but also very forgiving. Apologise to your adoptive parents, your adoptive grandparents and your adoptive brother, explain that it was an accident and completely unintentional, you may find them cold for a few days, but I am sure they will understand.

 

[y2k]

i hope so

 

[y2k]

Hi Guys

I apologized to everyone after breakfast this morning during a family meeting and I was told my apology was accepted in which I was glad to hear. I was about to leave the living room when I was summoned back only to be told that the entire family has decided that I am to become a Sikh because since I am now legally their son, they have a moral, religious and legal responsibility to make me a Sikh. After they said this they had my 13 adoptive brother (the one whom I tore his patka off during an argument) to tie a patka on my head. Since my hair is past my shoulders (I wear my hair in a ponytail) due to not cutting it for 2 years because of their household rule of no haircutting for anyone living under their roof, the little bun of hair that shapes the ball of the patka is of good size. They showed me a mirror after the patka was tied around my head and I was amazed on my new look, I really liked wearing a patka. My adoptive father then laughed and said “since you are going to be part of this family, you must become a Sikh and to do that you must look like a Sikh”. I told them I am grateful for becoming part of their family and I will embrace Sikhism with all my heart. My adoptive mother told me that they will only let me become baptised and wear a full turban until my beard starts growing until then I will have to wear a patka only.

 

[Ishna]

Hi Robert

I'm very glad your family accepted your apology and it has worked out for you!

Do you know much about Sikhi yet?

 

[y2k]

I know all the basics, my family told me they will do their best to make me a devout Sikh

 

[Harry Haller]

heartwarming, its nice to be surrounded by nice people, we are always here for you if you need advice or help, or just somewhere where you can check in

good luck little brother

 

[y2k]

thanks

 

[y2k]

Hi guys, it has been 5 days now since I have been wearing a patka and so far everything is going great, many people (including people I do not know) have been congratulating me. However one of my adoptive brother's friends told me that he wishes that tormentors of Sikh children living in the West would be forced to live with a Sikh family in the Punjab and have Sikhism imposed on them as punishment (patka, etc), I knew he was joking but I am not so sure.

 

[Harry Haller]

sometimes words can hurt, even when not intentioned, always try and look at the actions, these people love you, or they would have not have adopted you, always be cheery and take jesting with good grace, and even if it is not jesting, never be precious, your better than that, that is being a good Sikh, rather than the patka per se.

Having said that, I remember my first patka, I stopped wearing it when my dad picked me up from school in one, I went back to plaits!

 

[Harkiran Kaur]

y2k congratulations on your family and your journey into Sikhism. Many people would say you are fortunate to have found your way on this path. Everything happens for a reason, and not without Waheguru Ji's grace. So you are exactly where you were meant to be. You can rest assured that Sikhism is very open, welcoming and and Sikhs believe in service to others and that you will be accepted fully no matter what your background is. You don't have to be Punjabi for example to be fully embraced as a Sikh. I chose this path on my own. I am also from Canada and still live in Halifax. But I am married to a Sikh from Srinagar Kashmir (not too far from you!) and he actually has family in Jammu as well. My husband often works with Sikh youth in Jammu Kashmir area, so maybe you will come across him sometime! Anyway especially in J&K Sikhs there are very close knit and liberal and are kind of removed from the politics happening in Punjab.

If you are working towards taking amrit, know it's a big step and a big commitment, but one that you will never regret. Its a good idea that you are waiting awhile before taking it. It will give you time to practice keeping the rehet etc.

 

[Parma]

That must be a very hard situation to be in but having said that no family could ever be a family with a missing member humanities mission of Guru Nanak is until the end of time all families argue otherwise they wouldn't realise the cost to bare of being able to birth your own child adoptive or as otherwise families are for life as anyone can have or make a family. You are very lucky if you are ever to be able to keep a good friendship let alone a family structure and lose everything that the principle of family stands for. It's about being able to make the right relationship with God's family that matters. Partners are always foreign we as communities should be lucky that not every family is divorced and non existant. All futures depend on families being able to grow together no society has ever grown respectfully and with humility without real love. Instead of a child being abused you would see entire families being abused (they do show it on the news regularly). Everyone goes through the cycle of life hurt and pain each member individually. It's hard worldwide out there and sometimes even the wisest need reminding of that love. That is the true essence of a family to be able to raise and grow with love otherwise why have any kids at all. Baba Nanak didn't give anything to his own but it was the value that baba Nanak put on the sat sangat of how or what they would become or stand for after he had taught them otherwise what would have been Sikhisms lesson. What's a message more important then actually having to live it that's the true meaning of love.