Adoption Is The First Option

[Archived_Member_20]

Hello,
I am a single mid-twenties person looking for a significant other but I am worried that I will be single forever because I prefer to adopt rather than have my own children. There's no biological reason, I just believe that is the more ethical way. So far I have been unable to find even one person who has grown up in the Sikh faith that shares this belief. Do you think it is impossible for me to find companionship? Feeling lonely!
Another thing is I haven't told my parents about my opinion yet as both of them are very traditional and inflexible. I'm worried about their response. Can anyone help me think of a way to convince them? I am sure their first reaction will be anger and condemnation, especially my father who considers himself a good Sikh...
Please help!

 

[Sikhilove]

Hello,
I am a single mid-twenties person looking for a significant other but I am worried that I will be single forever because I prefer to adopt rather than have my own children. There's no biological reason, I just believe that is the more ethical way. So far I have been unable to find even one person who has grown up in the Sikh faith that shares this belief. Do you think it is impossible for me to find companionship? Feeling lonely!
Another thing is I haven't told my parents about my opinion yet as both of them are very traditional and inflexible. I'm worried about their response. Can anyone help me think of a way to convince them? I am sure their first reaction will be anger and condemnation, especially my father who considers himself a good Sikh...
Please help!

Awesome. We should find people who will accept us for who we are and respect our decisions.

 

[Original]

Hello,
I am a single mid-twenties person looking for a significant other but I am worried that I will be single forever because I prefer to adopt rather than have my own children. There's no biological reason, I just believe that is the more ethical way. So far I have been unable to find even one person who has grown up in the Sikh faith that shares this belief. Do you think it is impossible for me to find companionship? Feeling lonely!
Another thing is I haven't told my parents about my opinion yet as both of them are very traditional and inflexible. I'm worried about their response. Can anyone help me think of a way to convince them? I am sure their first reaction will be anger and condemnation, especially my father who considers himself a good Sikh...
Please help!

Son, I would've liked to have said "awesome post", but someone's beaten me to it. Still, I'd say what an admirable way to think. Respect !
But let's say you do find this 'significant other' and this other, over a period of time falls madly in love with you and despite prenuptial agreements decides to have children. Wouldn't it be unethical to deny ?

 

[Harry Haller]

why not do both, everyone is happy, including the 'ethical' you, however I would point out that my thinking in my late 40's bears no resemblance whatsoever to my thinking in my mid twenties, so be careful what you wish for, you may find the 'ethical' you wanes over time

 

[Ishna]

Hello,
I am a single mid-twenties person looking for a significant other but I am worried that I will be single forever because I prefer to adopt rather than have my own children. There's no biological reason, I just believe that is the more ethical way. So far I have been unable to find even one person who has grown up in the Sikh faith that shares this belief. Do you think it is impossible for me to find companionship? Feeling lonely!
Another thing is I haven't told my parents about my opinion yet as both of them are very traditional and inflexible. I'm worried about their response. Can anyone help me think of a way to convince them? I am sure their first reaction will be anger and condemnation, especially my father who considers himself a good Sikh...
Please help!

In this overpopulated world of finite resources, it makes little sense to create more people when there are others who need help, be that fostering or adoption. I'm with you on that.

I can't comment on Punjabi family dynamics though. Maybe you can find a partner who already has kids, and become a step parent?

 

[Archived_Member_20]

Awesome. We should find people who will accept us for who we are and respect our decisions.

Good luck to you!

 

[Archived_Member_20]

Son, I would've liked to have said "awesome post", but someone's beaten me to it. Still, I'd say what an admirable way to think. Respect !
But let's say you do find this 'significant other' and this other, over a period of time falls madly in love with you and despite prenuptial agreements decides to have children. Wouldn't it be unethical to deny ?

I'm female

 

[Archived_Member_20]

In this overpopulated world of finite resources, it makes little sense to create more people when there are others who need help, be that fostering or adoption. I'm with you on that.

I can't comment on Punjabi family dynamics though. Maybe you can find a partner who already has kids, and become a step parent?

It is very taboo for me as a single woman to marry someone who already has kids.

 

[Tejwant Singh]

Hello,
I am a single mid-twenties person looking for a significant other but I am worried that I will be single forever because I prefer to adopt rather than have my own children. There's no biological reason, I just believe that is the more ethical way. So far I have been unable to find even one person who has grown up in the Sikh faith that shares this belief. Do you think it is impossible for me to find companionship? Feeling lonely!
Another thing is I haven't told my parents about my opinion yet as both of them are very traditional and inflexible. I'm worried about their response. Can anyone help me think of a way to convince them? I am sure their first reaction will be anger and condemnation, especially my father who considers himself a good Sikh...
Please help!

renzillag ji,

Guru Fateh.

First of all, welcome to the forum. I am just curious if you have asked the same question in other Sikh forums and what kinds of responses you received.

Secondly, I am a bit confused about what you are trying to express.

Do you want to be a mum or a dad or do you want to find a partner with your preconditions of not having a baby and then planning to adopt one with the mutual consent?

The former is possible. I can vouch for that because I did the same while I was in Brasil. I adopted Roberto, who is my then maid's son when I lived in Brasil and he is a director at Deloitte in Sao Paulo now.

Regards

Tejwant Singh

 

[Ishna]

It is very taboo for me as a single woman to marry someone who already has kids.

It's a shame that it's taboo. In my culture it's not such a problem, and I myself married a man who had children to his previous marriage. His children are wonderful and accepted me into their family, and while I'm no longer married to their father, we still keep in touch, and they'll always be my stepkids, no matter what.

I can't help you with your dilemma, but I hope you're able to find a way through it.

 

[Harry Haller]

It is very taboo for me as a single woman to marry someone who already has kids.

I don't understand, it is possibly even more taboo to deny a prospective husband the chance to have his own kids in favor of adoption, so in the world of taboos, your already up there with the big one.

I also note from above you are not in favor of having your own as well as adopting, I wonder if this is more about you and your own personal agendas, rather than the agenda of a child as you seem quite closed minded to other options.

 

[Original]

I'm female

I beg your pardon, I hope I've not injured you in any way. Please accept my sincere apologies.

I'm deeply appreciative and humbled by your divine thoughtfulness because you're not alone. Sikh Ideology, purportedly, run concurrent with your present disposition. But to go back to my original question in relation to ethical consideration, how would you react if your other half were to want children ?

Personally, I think it's a beautiful way to think.

Lot of my work is centred around the "disadvantaged" [homeless] people of rural Punjab and over the years, I've come so close to them that I see and feel as if they were my own family. Although, I have children and grandchildren of my own, but were I to revisit my conjugal or marital ties with my "significant other" in relation to sexual activity culminating in th birth of children, I'd definitely be more pro-social than selfish. Hence, my inquisition.

Thank you