Finding a Gursikh Soul Mate after 6 Years
by Anmol M Singh
The basic idea of writing this article is to share my experiences during my search for a soul mate, which took almost 6 years. I am opening my heart for all the youngsters who are looking for their soul mates. The focus is more on difficulties, which most youngsters go through.
It was 1997 when I decided to get married. I was 28 years old then, perhaps the most ideal age for marriage. We came across many proposals mostly from Punjab and Delhi. With the IT boom at it’s peak, majority preferred to settle abroad. This was the case mostly with people from Punjab. Even if one as has an established base in India, still people comment “Being a Sikh if you are in India, then there is some thing wrong with you”. Majority for Delhi prefer to stay within the same city. This is the case with Sikhs settled in other cities also. With many NRIs doping Indian Brides still people prefer to marry their daughters to unknown personnel. This is one of the major problems Sikh boys have to face in India.
The result of which we started looking for proposals within Bombay and nearby places. After a search we came across a proposal in 1998, which had materialized initially but finally did not go through. The reason being as per astrology things do not meet. This is another problem which one very often faces in present times. Though the Gurus have condemned all these superstitions, still I observe many Sikh families follow such as practice. We tried to convenience the girl’s parents almost for 5 years through different ways but no result.
In the mean time another proposal materialized in 2000 June. Both parties agreed and the date of wedding was also finalized. It was a happy moment for all of us. But this happiness didn’t last for long. The very next month the party backed out. The reason given was somehow not very convincing. Later we realized the party was looking for stepping stone to settle abroad.
With 3 years passed and no out come frustration started building. The growing trend of monasim was another major factor, which was putting obstacles to proceedings. Many of our relatives suggested to compromise on the Kesh issue. Well that was totally unacceptable to me personally and to my parents as well.
I changed jobs in between, hoping to find some one in a workplace. I came across many Sikh women employees, majority preferring clean-shaven men. Such a thing added more fuel to the fire and frustration built up further. This frustration finally encouraged me to look for a soul mate from other beliefs. I came across one also. Our relationship continued for almost a year. This Non-Sikh lady liked me equally and was determined to be my soul mate. But some how I couldn’t convenience my conscience because though the lady liked me, didn’t show any interest towards my religion. Today even if she accepts me what is the guarantee she will maintain Sikhi and encourage the coming generation to do so. Another aspect, which came in my mind was, the growing of cutting hair among Sikhs themselves could be used as an excuse by this lady to bring up children as Gursikhs. Considering this I finally backed out of the relationship. She was annoyed but I had no regrets. After the break up I decided to consider a Gursikh soul mate only.
But there are many successfully of mixed marriages also, provided the person from other belief is interested in being part of the Sikh culture. I will mention one such example. One of my friends belonging to an Amritdhari Sikh family planned to marry a Christian lady, which his parents strictly opposed. Finally after a long argument his parents agreed provided the lady accepts Sikh belief. The lady had no problems agreed to be part of the Sikh culture, stopped cutting her hairs, learn Gurmukhi and started reading the SGGS. Today they have a family with children being brought up as Gursikhs. Remember love and maintaining Sikhi are two different aspects.
But apart from problems being external there are problems within the family also, since parents have their own reservations, views, etc. In my case my father likes extrovert women but my mother gives more preference to simplicity. Because of the difference between the two many good proposals couldn’t materialize. As my age was going up things were becoming more blink gradually. Instead of arguing and fighting with my parents I decided to do something different. What to do? Change strategies and tactics, this is where Internet comes into picture. I decided to get in touch with the girl in question directly.
After browsing the Sikh Matrimonial website for options viz. women preferring Turbaned men within an age group of 25 to 30, there where only 121 entries out of 1200. This demoralized my moral literally. But I didn’t loose heart. Quiet a few proposals where considered, I travel to Delhi and Chandigarh making it any official trip but somehow no out come.
Finally a day came when there was not a single proposal in hand. But my stand was still clear, marry a Gursikh lady or stay bachelor through out life. To kill frustration I explored my talents in different areas. This reduced my frustration to quiet an extend.
Later I switch to other web sites for match making which in general supported all communities with distinction on the basis of language. Sikh men/women profiles could be found under the Punjabi language section. These web sites gave a wider and better response as compared to Sikh websites having options like Trim, Non-Turban, Smoke, Drink, Unspecified, etc. Finally this is where I found my soul mate in June 2003.
We initially exchanged mails for a month or so and finally decided to meet. I travelled from Bombay to Hyderabad on a week end where the girl resided. We met in a coffee shop and within 30 minutes of conversation realized that we are very much made for each other. Her parents also gave the approval without any hitch.
Back home since I had bypassed by parents I had to face stiff opposition from my father. My mother immediately approved my soul mate. Since every one was in favour my father finally had no choice but to accept the relationship.
To describe my soul mate, I would say that God has given a life partner far superior than my expectation. She is Harneet Kaur, B (Tech) by qualification, a software engineer and very well versed in doing Kirtan. Today looking back I feel 6 years of wait is nothing as compared to a lifetime association with Harneet.
In other words if one is determined to maintain Sikhi then God also helps accordingly. I wish all the youngsters to be blessed by the Almighty with such a destiny.
by Anmol M Singh
The basic idea of writing this article is to share my experiences during my search for a soul mate, which took almost 6 years. I am opening my heart for all the youngsters who are looking for their soul mates. The focus is more on difficulties, which most youngsters go through.
It was 1997 when I decided to get married. I was 28 years old then, perhaps the most ideal age for marriage. We came across many proposals mostly from Punjab and Delhi. With the IT boom at it’s peak, majority preferred to settle abroad. This was the case mostly with people from Punjab. Even if one as has an established base in India, still people comment “Being a Sikh if you are in India, then there is some thing wrong with you”. Majority for Delhi prefer to stay within the same city. This is the case with Sikhs settled in other cities also. With many NRIs doping Indian Brides still people prefer to marry their daughters to unknown personnel. This is one of the major problems Sikh boys have to face in India.
The result of which we started looking for proposals within Bombay and nearby places. After a search we came across a proposal in 1998, which had materialized initially but finally did not go through. The reason being as per astrology things do not meet. This is another problem which one very often faces in present times. Though the Gurus have condemned all these superstitions, still I observe many Sikh families follow such as practice. We tried to convenience the girl’s parents almost for 5 years through different ways but no result.
In the mean time another proposal materialized in 2000 June. Both parties agreed and the date of wedding was also finalized. It was a happy moment for all of us. But this happiness didn’t last for long. The very next month the party backed out. The reason given was somehow not very convincing. Later we realized the party was looking for stepping stone to settle abroad.
With 3 years passed and no out come frustration started building. The growing trend of monasim was another major factor, which was putting obstacles to proceedings. Many of our relatives suggested to compromise on the Kesh issue. Well that was totally unacceptable to me personally and to my parents as well.
I changed jobs in between, hoping to find some one in a workplace. I came across many Sikh women employees, majority preferring clean-shaven men. Such a thing added more fuel to the fire and frustration built up further. This frustration finally encouraged me to look for a soul mate from other beliefs. I came across one also. Our relationship continued for almost a year. This Non-Sikh lady liked me equally and was determined to be my soul mate. But some how I couldn’t convenience my conscience because though the lady liked me, didn’t show any interest towards my religion. Today even if she accepts me what is the guarantee she will maintain Sikhi and encourage the coming generation to do so. Another aspect, which came in my mind was, the growing of cutting hair among Sikhs themselves could be used as an excuse by this lady to bring up children as Gursikhs. Considering this I finally backed out of the relationship. She was annoyed but I had no regrets. After the break up I decided to consider a Gursikh soul mate only.
But there are many successfully of mixed marriages also, provided the person from other belief is interested in being part of the Sikh culture. I will mention one such example. One of my friends belonging to an Amritdhari Sikh family planned to marry a Christian lady, which his parents strictly opposed. Finally after a long argument his parents agreed provided the lady accepts Sikh belief. The lady had no problems agreed to be part of the Sikh culture, stopped cutting her hairs, learn Gurmukhi and started reading the SGGS. Today they have a family with children being brought up as Gursikhs. Remember love and maintaining Sikhi are two different aspects.
But apart from problems being external there are problems within the family also, since parents have their own reservations, views, etc. In my case my father likes extrovert women but my mother gives more preference to simplicity. Because of the difference between the two many good proposals couldn’t materialize. As my age was going up things were becoming more blink gradually. Instead of arguing and fighting with my parents I decided to do something different. What to do? Change strategies and tactics, this is where Internet comes into picture. I decided to get in touch with the girl in question directly.
After browsing the Sikh Matrimonial website for options viz. women preferring Turbaned men within an age group of 25 to 30, there where only 121 entries out of 1200. This demoralized my moral literally. But I didn’t loose heart. Quiet a few proposals where considered, I travel to Delhi and Chandigarh making it any official trip but somehow no out come.
Finally a day came when there was not a single proposal in hand. But my stand was still clear, marry a Gursikh lady or stay bachelor through out life. To kill frustration I explored my talents in different areas. This reduced my frustration to quiet an extend.
Later I switch to other web sites for match making which in general supported all communities with distinction on the basis of language. Sikh men/women profiles could be found under the Punjabi language section. These web sites gave a wider and better response as compared to Sikh websites having options like Trim, Non-Turban, Smoke, Drink, Unspecified, etc. Finally this is where I found my soul mate in June 2003.
We initially exchanged mails for a month or so and finally decided to meet. I travelled from Bombay to Hyderabad on a week end where the girl resided. We met in a coffee shop and within 30 minutes of conversation realized that we are very much made for each other. Her parents also gave the approval without any hitch.
Back home since I had bypassed by parents I had to face stiff opposition from my father. My mother immediately approved my soul mate. Since every one was in favour my father finally had no choice but to accept the relationship.
To describe my soul mate, I would say that God has given a life partner far superior than my expectation. She is Harneet Kaur, B (Tech) by qualification, a software engineer and very well versed in doing Kirtan. Today looking back I feel 6 years of wait is nothing as compared to a lifetime association with Harneet.
In other words if one is determined to maintain Sikhi then God also helps accordingly. I wish all the youngsters to be blessed by the Almighty with such a destiny.
