Forgiveness For Lustful Sin :(

[uchihamrita]

I am very aware that what I have done is beyond shameful and the guilt I feel is killing me. Please acknowledge this before you read on.

I wasn't brought up with much knowledge about Sikhism despite being born into a Sikh family. My parents didn't know knowledge but that didn't stop my initiative to learn about my religion. I loved Sikhism very very much but when I got older, I was influenced greatly by atheists and I did something shameful. I committed lust (masturbation) and potentially broke my hymen due to it. It only took something so bad for myself to realize, what am I doing? This isn't me? Why did I do such a thing? I cried afterwards (even though I probably just scratched myself) in such guilt. I still feel really bad and I need guidance not people telling me how wrong I am- I already know. Guidance on how to get back on the track of a good Sikh and the first step is being forgiven. I strongly want to be forgiven or take the consequences and I hate my self for it. Please, as my Sikh brothers and sisters, guide me back to the way of the Guru. Help me earn my way out of this darkness, I beg of you.

I think I have lost it. I'm crying so much I hate myself for it. What does one do when they are so shameful for living that even death isn't a way out- an even worse place. I'm in dire for forgiveness so very much it's hurting me so much the sin I've committed. PLEASE someone tell me what to do

 

[Luckysingh]

Don't worry, it's your body that waheguru gave you.
I you have done something and it feels wrong, then just don't do it again.
We are all forgiven, but if we don't learn or can show that we have not learned from our mistakes, then we don't deserve to be forgiven.

It's not bad, you haven't raped anyone or hurt anybody.
Try not to think too much about mistakes and move on whilst learning from them.

What you did was neither right or wrong, everyone has different opinions.
What is more important is your state of mind.

 

[Archived_Member16]

Please review the following information to empower yourself emotionally:

How to Forgive Yourself

link: http://www.wikihow.com/Forgive-Yourself

Since you are 15 only & in UK, I urge you to use the confidential "Sikh Help Line, UK" and thus obtain essential professional help:


Sikh Help Line, UK

What We Do

The 'Sikh Helpline' (0845 644 0704 UK) is a confidential telephone counseling and email inquiry service where you can get help and obtain information on Sikhism and cultural issues. It is run by trained people who are conversant in both English and Punjabi. Young Sikhs contact the Helpline about a wide range of issues - especially, but not isolated to, those mentioned in section A below :


A) SCHOOL & OTHER ISSUES

Issues regarding Sikhism (the "5 K's")
Bullying and Racism
Depression
Abuse
Addictions (smoking / drinking)
Problems at school or problems at home


B) INFORMATION CENTRE

Sikh events (important dates)
Access to internet/e-mail (global connection)
School projects on Sikhism (R.E.)
School/private visits to the Gurdwara (temple)


Lines are open 24 hours a day.

All calls are strictly confidential.

CALL US: 0845 644 0704 (UK)

For Mobile : 07999 004 363 (UK)

Email us: info@sikhhelpline.com

We are available, day or night, to help those in need. Any time, any concern, we want to hear from you if you are hurting, anxious, fearful, or have no one you can talk to. Sikh HelpLine are here to help you find ways to sort things out. Your call is strictly confidential and will be taken seriously. We will not trace your call or ask you to reveal your name. You can hang-up at any time during the conversation if you so wish.

source: http://www.sikhhelpline.com/uk/index.php

 

[uchihamrita]

Don't worry, it's your body that waheguru gave you.
I you have done something and it feels wrong, then just don't do it again.
We are all forgiven, but if we don't learn or can show that we have not learned from our mistakes, then we don't deserve to be forgiven.

It's not bad, you haven't raped anyone or hurt anybody.
Try not to think too much about mistakes and move on whilst learning from them.

What you did was neither right or wrong, everyone has different opinions.
What is more important is your state of mind.

I've done Ardas and spoken to Waheguru directly to apologize and I've definitely learnt from my wrong doings. Thank you for your support.

 

[uchihamrita]

Please review the following information to empower yourself emotionally:

How to Forgive Yourself

link: http://www.wikihow.com/Forgive-Yourself

Since you are 15 only & in UK, I urge you to use the confidential "Sikh Help Line, UK" and thus obtain essential professional help:


Sikh Help Line, UK

What We Do
The 'Sikh Helpline' (0845 644 0704 UK) is a confidential telephone counseling and email inquiry service where you can get help and obtain information on Sikhism and cultural issues. It is run by trained people who are conversant in both English and Punjabi. Young Sikhs contact the Helpline about a wide range of issues - especially, but not isolated to, those mentioned in section A below :


A) SCHOOL & OTHER ISSUES

Issues regarding Sikhism (the "5 K's")
Bullying and Racism
Depression
Abuse
Addictions (smoking / drinking)
Problems at school or problems at home


B) INFORMATION CENTRE

Sikh events (important dates)
Access to internet/e-mail (global connection)
School projects on Sikhism (R.E.)
School/private visits to the Gurdwara (temple)


Lines are open 24 hours a day.

All calls are strictly confidential.

CALL US: 0845 644 0704 (UK)

For Mobile : 07999 004 363 (UK)

Email us: info@sikhhelpline.com

We are available, day or night, to help those in need. Any time, any concern, we want to hear from you if you are hurting, anxious, fearful, or have no one you can talk to. Sikh HelpLine are here to help you find ways to sort things out. Your call is strictly confidential and will be taken seriously. We will not trace your call or ask you to reveal your name. You can hang-up at any time during the conversation if you so wish.

source: http://www.sikhhelpline.com/uk/index.php

Thank you so much, I will definitely do this

 

[Harry Haller]

I am very aware that what I have done is beyond shameful and the guilt I feel is killing me. Please acknowledge this before you read on.

What you have done is perfectly natural and normal for many teenagers, the guilt you feel is misplaced, you have done nothing wrong

I loved Sikhism very very much but when I got older, I was influenced greatly by atheists and I did something shameful. I committed lust

Atheists are not all sex mad lust monsters, just as Sikhs are not all pious devout abstainers, you say you committed lust like it were a murder charge, lust is a part of us, we must learn to understand it, tame it, none of us are perfect, some that have no problem with lust might have a huge problem with say, anger, that does not make them any worse or better off than you. In whose eyes is this shameful? Gods? My take is that God really does not care what you do, it is yourself you must answer to, God sets the rules, God does not enforce them. Sikhism is not a punishment/reward based religion where you get max points for thinking about baby lambs and points deducted for lustful thoughts, the object of the game, in my view, is to educate and learn until your will, your thoughts reflect that of God, but to do so under duress or to force yourself is folly and false.

I need guidance not people telling me how wrong I am- I already know.

No one has the right to tell you that you are wrong....

Guidance on how to get back on the track of a good Sikh and the first step is being forgiven

Forgiven by who? Sikhism is not a religion that forgives, as there is no concept of sin in Sikhism, that is an Abrahamic concept, Jesus did not die for your sins, you are a Sikh.

I strongly want to be forgiven or take the consequences and I hate my self for it

Please do not hate yourself for this, but if it helps you, I will share something personal with you, when I was your age, I also discovered the same, and I was convinced I was the only person in the world that could do it, the feelings of guilt and shame dominated those years until I broke down and confessed all to my parents. In time I understood that I was not the only filthy young boy in the world, and indeed all my friends were doing the same.You are young, you are maturing from a young girl into a woman, and your body is changing. All sorts of emotions and feelings will come, and they will pass. In time you will look back on this and wonder what all the fuss was about. It is important that, as you young people say, just be cool about it, to have an aversion is wrong, and to have an obsession is wrong, just be cool.

Please, as my Sikh brothers and sisters, guide me back to the way of the Guru. Help me earn my way out of this darkness, I beg of you.

Your darkness is self made, as you get older you will find many many other temptations that will also plunge you into darkness, it is important that you understand yourself, and also try and remember no one is looking down on you wagging a finger, you answer only to yourself.

I think I have lost it. I'm crying so much I hate myself for it. What does one do when they are so shameful for living that even death isn't a way out- an even worse place. I'm in dire for forgiveness so very much it's hurting me so much the sin I've committed. PLEASE someone tell me what to do

There are two issues here, firstly, if you have done it, and don't wish to do it anymore, and are concerned about doing it in the first place, then you really have nothing to worry about, move on and forgive yourself.

If however, you feel you have developed an addiction, that is a different matter. Addiction is not a good thing, it develops guilt and can put you in a very dark place, it wastes time, it stops your focus on things that matter, you forget the warm sun, the trees, the leaves, the lick of a dog on your nose, a cuddle from your mom or your dad, it focuses everything on one tiny aspect of life. If you find yourself feeling this way, focus on Creation, on everything beautiful the world has to offer, addiction can be quite isolating, it turns you into a loner, balance here is the key, as well as moderation.

Good Luckkudihug

 

[Rory]

http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/members/uchihamrita.htmluchihamrita-ji
I think Harry-ji summed it up nicely! You say you weren't brought up with much knowledge of Sikhi, why not stick around and learn now? I wasn't brought up with any knowledge of Sikhism, on the contrary, I was born and raised in a Catholic family in rural Ireland! It's only relatively recently I learned about Sikhism, and part of the reason I fell in love with Sikhi was because it makes sense; for example, there is no threat of hellfire for having natural impulses.

As has been said here, the important thing is to learn from your conscience; if you feel bad for having done something, you should think about why you feel bad.
It's good that you are so aware of your relationship with God, but don't waste that emotional energy by spending it all on fear & regret.
mundahug

 

[Randip Singh]

I wouldn't feel bad about this.

Sikhism is not about guilt trips.

Sex is a ntural part of our growth as young adults. It's promiscuity which the big issue!!

 

[itsmaneet]

Anything 'in excess' is bad. Be it sleep, food, sex, lust whatever .... after all its going to harm our own body. Dear sister, All do mistakes you are not the only one.

In Japji Sahib, Guru Nanak Sahib Ji says -

"Pariye Matt Pappa Ke Sang - O Topeh Naven Ke Rang"
Try not to do any sin, even if you do (which all humans do). Be associated with "NAAM" all times. The time will come all your guilt feelings will be removed & you'll feel the difference of being a much better person.

God Bless You !!

Gurfateh

 

[Ishna]

Um, since when was 'masturbation' defined as 'lust'.

uchihamrita bhenji, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what youv'e done, no matter what anyone might tell you, even yourself.

Your hymen itself has absolutely no value - it is a physical barrier, a membrane, something to protect the child's developing body. Sikh isn't Islam!! Sikhs don't require women to 'prove their virginity' by displaying a bloodied bedsheet after the wedding night!

Masturbation doesn't negate your virginity in ANY way.

Please don't stress over something as natural and ordinary as masturbation. You should have a healthy relationship with your body, not a quarantined one!

 

[TigerStyleZ]

Sister,

if you feel guilt, let the guilt go. Learn of your "mistake" and go on.. If you think what you did is wrog, dont do it again - if you think it isn´t wrong do whatever you want. For me masturbation isn´t "normal", because it is just satisfiyng yourself.. There is no other meaning.. Why should I waste time with this "false" Satisfaction? This keeps me just away from important things.. furtheremore if I do it because I have the urge, then I would feel like that I have no control over my body.. And if we can´t control our "Mann", we are lost. So our higher and lowerself have to meet somewhere.. where you got the control of anything. Sex or something isn´t wrong, it is in humans nature and like you know our Gurus had children as well. It is just all about controlling. In my eyes first the partner - then oneself should be satisfied ( spiritual as well sexual, if you are married.)

I mean what is pleasure for a few seconds, if you can have it all the time? I mean the real satisfaction/pleasure? Maybe others see it differnt but if I just remembering the beauty of this world, all beings , waheguru.. I am just in such a pleasure...


What I can just say is "Mann jithe Jag jithe"

Wish you all the best, peace out.

 

[Rory]

Your hymen itself has absolutely no value - it is a physical barrier, a membrane, something to protect the child's developing body. Sikh isn't Islam!! Sikhs don't require women to 'prove their virginity' by displaying a bloodied bedsheet after the wedding night!

Just thought about this and the silliness of it made me laugh.

 

[Randip Singh]

In anycase Sikhi talks about Kaam being wrong. Kaam = an abnormal obsession with sex. What happened to you is perfectly normal.

 

[Harry Haller]

so what do you call a normal obsession with sex lol

 

[Luckysingh]

Any ''obsession'' is not normal.

 

[Ishna]

Tigerstylzji, where does that leave contraception then?

Although the OP is a virgin and presumably outside of a relationship, it should be noted that women don't climax as easily from sex as men do. There is nothing wrong with bringing one's own boat to shore. Why deny women the experience or orgasm which men seem to take for granted?

Masturbation doesn't equal automatic obsession with lust and sex and loss of control over the body! It is not something automatically evil or wrong!

Roryji, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Namus <- look under 'Context' for reference re. bedsheet. It would be funny if it wasn't true and that some women have died or lost their 'honour' by not being able to provide said proof of their virginity. It is a disgusting requirement.

Why is everyone saying it's ok for the OP to feel guilty about this, and if she feels bad about it then don't do it again? There is no reason for her to feel bad about it in the first place!

 

[TigerStyleZ]

Tigerstylzji, where does that leave contraception then?

Although the OP is a virgin and presumably outside of a relationship, it should be noted that women don't climax as easily from sex as men do. There is nothing wrong with bringing one's own boat to shore. Why deny women the experience or orgasm which men seem to take for granted?

Masturbation doesn't equal automatic obsession with lust and sex and loss of control over the body! It is not something automatically evil or wrong!

Roryji, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Namus <- look under 'Context' for reference re. bedsheet. It would be funny if it wasn't true and that some women have died or lost their 'honour' by not being able to provide said proof of their virginity. It is a disgusting requirement.

Why is everyone saying it's ok for the OP to feel guilty about this, and if she feels bad about it then don't do it again? There is no reason for her to feel bad about it in the first place!

Dear Ishna ji,

I can answer you the question easily..Because that we write will have impact /influence on her. Esspecially a to a young person... And we need to give her the right values, thats why we let choose her whether its right or wrong. We are just here to give help/advise. And although she can´t talk with her parents , she wrote here... I really know this.

Furthermore I never said it is granted to a guy to masturbate - A women like a men are equally "equiqqed"- Both can masturbate( This sounds really weird right now) Anyway the values which were given by parents will accompany, the child the whole life . Thats why we she should descide herself. I am denying her nothing - lol, i just said what my viewpoint is. And my Viewpoint is masturbation (both for women and men) is time waste and only did for self satisfaction.

"

Masturbation doesn't equal automatic obsession with lust and sex and loss of control over the body!"

So , I can´t agree with you on this thing. It leads to self satisfaction and as you know if you masturbate neurotrainsmiter like Dopamin and Serotonin are involved - and they give the feeling of "Happiness"(roughly said) , so that means after you did it for 2-3 , your brain seeks for more and that automatically leads to masturbation.. becames a habit.. then a obsession ---> control loosing(of course this is farfetched)

Although the OP is a virgin and presumably outside of a relationship, it should be noted that women don't climax as easily from sex as men do. There is nothing wrong with bringing one's own boat to shore.

This isn´t right as well.. It depends mostly on the mood of the women on on her "excitability", and not all men clixmas as easily as you described... it depends on their exciteability as well.. Furthermore man can control their climax..

In my view firstly the partner then you...

BTW: I dont get why you get "contraception" in to it? What do you mean exactly?

 

[Ishna]

Furthermore I never said it is granted to a guy to masturbate - A women like a men are equally "equiqqed"- Both can masturbate( This sounds really weird right now) Anyway the values which were given by parents will accompany, the child the whole life . Thats why we she should descide herself. I am denying her nothing - lol, i just said what my viewpoint is. And my Viewpoint is masturbation (both for women and men) is time waste and only did for self satisfaction.

I never said it is granted to a guy to masturbate - I was saying he climaxes more easily than woman does. 9/10 sex will end in climax for a man. Not so for women.

So , I can´t agree with you on this thing. It leads to self satisfaction and as you know if you masturbate neurotrainsmiter like Dopamin and Serotonin are involved - and they give the feeling of "Happiness"(roughly said) , so that means after you did it for 2-3 , your brain seeks for more and that automatically leads to masturbation.. becames a habit.. then a obsession ---> control loosing(of course this is farfetched)

Some people will undoubtedly get obsessed with it, and others won't. Some people will get obsessed with sex even, and others won't, but we're not about to ban sex, just masturbation.

This isn´t right as well.. It depends mostly on the mood of the women on on her "excitability", and not all men clixmas as easily as you described... it depends on their exciteability as well.. Furthermore man can control their climax..

HAHA!! 1. It is documented fact that women don't climax as easily through sex as men do. Link to further reading.

And good for those guys who can restrain themselves long enough to satisfy their partner. It certainly don't come naturally to them, what with all the excitement!

In my view firstly the partner then you...

That's sweet...

BTW: I dont get why you get "contraception" in to it? What do you mean exactly?

Well if masturbation is wrong (allegedly) because it is done only for satisfaction, isn't that the same a sex with a partner where contraception is involved?

And when you're not in a relationship, and it's not an obsession/addiction, I really cannot fathom what problem there could possibly be with a little self-lovin'. Even IN a relationship it can be useful on a couple of levels.

 

[BhagatSingh]

Well if masturbation is wrong (allegedly) because it is done only for satisfaction, isn't that the same a sex with a partner where contraception is involved?

The real problem is seeking satisfaction from any outside source of satisfaction, whether is maybe masturbation, sex, eating delicious food, being with loved ones, etc.

 

[Harry Haller]

The real problem is seeking satisfaction from any outside source of satisfaction, whether is maybe masturbation, sex, eating delicious food, being with loved ones, etc.

you mean living?