What does it mean to be staying afloat
Like being born - akin to awareness in the womb perhaps - is how I feel now.
My heart stroke was the best thing that happened to me. It was like running into a sign that said - 'pull over - the road you are on is headed nowhere'.
Subsequent things like losing my career were acts of kindness bestowed upon me - 'recuperate, son' - a sign, an affirmation that life was not all about earning money or the stripes on my shoulders.
But what did I do to deserve this grace? - she smiled like she always does and whispered. You were weak and injured - the reason the Akaal bestowed - blessing on you.
I do not understand, I stated matter of fact. Why would the Akaal need a weakling like me who was damaged both on the inside and outside?. The Nanak's transform the weak, meek sparrow into a fearless Baaz. I still do not get it - why?. Enjoy your birth she laughed and cut me off.
On second thoughts - I see it now. I am undead, not alive. In a real sense this is a second birth - yes, or close to it.
I am inside the safe confines of the Akaal's womb in a metaphorical sense. Ever since I bask in the amritvela, things are falling into place. The day I am ready and strong enough to be born is not too far.
The Nanak's in a kind way deflated my ego and made me realise that my 'head' belonged to them and they could take it anytime. But, they want it out of love, not otherwise. Very few folks are lucky to be givn a second chance - I know now truly that nothing is mine, least of me - myself. All the time - the whole of me belonged to the Akaal - how come such a simple realisation not dawn on me earlier. When I truly, now bow before Waheguru - offering my head that belongs to Waheguru anyway suddenly seems the most natural thing to do.
I am memorising the Nitnem Bani's and as soon as I do that - I will come alive and unfurl my sails. (During my hospital bed confinement I realised the importance of memorising the basic paath).Then I will be - not just afloat but underway, truly underway.