Inter-racial Marriage Between Sikh Man And Divorced Woman - Help

[Nayeli]

Hi everyone,
I'm really after some advice and guidance. I met and fell in love with a Sikh man a few months ago. We met online as we were in a facebook group together and we were talking about philosophy and various other things together... we ended up talking for up to 3 hours every day, sometimes from morning to night... then talking on the phone.. and eventually fell in love just through our words and how similar our values are.. we met in person and it was like we had known each other all our lives and even beyond that... in fact I dreamed of this man before meeting him when I was young.. and now we love each other more than anything and can't imagine life without each other.

The issue is that I am white and divorced with a son and he is a baptised Sikh. My marriage ended due to my ex-husbands repeat adultery, emotional abuse (and physical after I found out about the affairs) and fraudulent entry to marriage, he is South Indian and always planned to cheat and divorce me.

My love has no problem with my past and understands and has asked me to marry him, but has told me he cannot marry me if his mother does not support the match (his father has unfortunately passed on). He says he will do his best to convince her... and I understand why he cannot leave her as she is a widow and he is the eldest son... but I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on what to do to help her trust and love me?

I already lived a Sikh way of life even before meeting him, just through my own pre-existing values.. including not removing hair, don't eat meat.. and I've never drunk alcohol, smoked etc etc. I'm happy to be a Sikh and learn more about the practices, raise our children as Sikh, go to gurudwara regularly.. for his mum to live with us, learn Punjabi etc etc.. I've seen photos of his mother ..heard stories about her and I already love her as if she was my own.. My son looks exactly like my new partner did as a child and he already calls him dad .. and when we go out with all three of us everyone thinks we are a family already.. I am willing to do anything to make this relationship last for life because I love him so much and we are such a good match together.

I'm just so scared of losing him because his mother doesn't agree and want to do anything in my power to win her approval.
Thanks for reading and for your advice.. it is much appreciated.

 

[Archived_Member_20]

I think after he tells her, whatever her reaction, you should go meet her and tell her about yourself and try to understand her. Do daughter-in-law type things with her. I feel, if she is a rational person, that she will come to agree once she has a chance to get to know you.

 

[Tavleen.Kaur]

If you are willing to do so much for this man. I hope he can reciprocate the same for you. I do understand that parents are an important part of our society and considering that, try and make her understand. She is a mother and if her son is happy being with you then she should understand and accept the union. Other than that leave it to baba ji, he knows what is best for all. We are only concerned about ourselves but he is concerned about the entire shrishti ( World).

Waheguru!

 

[Inderjeet Kaur]

I can only suggest that you be yourself, while also learning how a Punjabi Sikh mother would expect to be treated. If the Guru has actually put you two together, it will work itself out if you and he cooperate.

 

[swarn bains]

generally the mothers are thorn in flesh in sikh society. even if she agrees for your marriage she will give you all the trouble you can handle. she has her son under her control and he will not abandon her till your divorce. the reason is that she is an authoritative woman and controls her son for her authority and power. make sure he gets out of her grip before you marry him, otherwise you will repent for a while