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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Harry Haller" data-source="post: 203612" data-attributes="member: 14641">Lots of things happening that are causing me to stop and think, my good friend the butcher had twins 3 weeks ago, born premature 3 months early, I have watched him deal with all this, and incredibly well, on Friday, he switched the little girl off, (boy and girl) as she was not going to make it, and when I saw him on sunday morning, We hugged for a while. He is dealing with all of this so well, making sure he is there for everyone round him, I worry that he is not thinking of himself, so I am doing what I can to assist him, although he needs very little from me, I try and cheer him up with bad jokes, as I figure when he comes to the shop, he is getting away from the pressures of his home life, and the last thing he wants to do is to relive everything again with me.My nigerian friend and I are on best terms again, I was hard on him, in a way, I blame him, for putting himself on a pedestal that I could knock him down from, but we both have a better idea of each other now, I know he is not perfect, and he knows I probably should be sectioned, so good all round.I am not quite sure why, but I have decided to give up thinking lustful thoughts about my wife. Actually I know exactly why, when I was younger, I watched the film 'dances with wolves', and it had a massive impact on me, I used to play the soundtrack non stop, I think it was the facets of true love, nature, friendship, and belonging somewhere I was entranced by. Yesterday it was on, and suffering from the most awful toothache, I watched it in bed with my wife, the dogs, the cat, and spot the ferret. I ended up crying my eyes out as I thought of myself 20 years ago, of my life, of what I had become, I looked across at my wife, I am still a small kid sometimes, obsessed with intimacy and lust, I wondered what would happen, if I just loved her, just touched her face, looked at her eyes, smelt her hair, to love as humans do, instead of loving as animals do, my wife thinks I am being hard on myself for no reason, but deep down I know my wife would prefer me to be less animalistic and more affectionate, anyway, I am going to give it a bash, the return to innocence</blockquote>

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