Brother
You are not alone, I felt exactly the same way as you at your age. I was convinced I would never get married, and would never be happy, let us deal with your points one by one.
Well I hope that whatever I aimed for I get but if I look into my past events I’ve never achieved what I’ve wanted – I always receive less or something completely different than what I aimed for
If you are setting a goal to have an apple, it helps to find an apple tree. It is of no use setting such a goal, and then looking for orange trees, sometimes we make things happen to prove to ourself how useless we really are. Hah, I knew I would not be able to find an apple in an orange tree, we say, this just proves everything I knew. Not only setting goals, but having realistic ways to reach them is also important.
Contentment is equally important, I am as content driving round in an old Renault as I am in driving round in a Mercedes. Contentment does not mean being content with rubbish, contentment means seeing the bigger picture, I sense you have given up on life because God has not assisted you or granted you the things you wished for. I do not blame you for thinking this, there are some that say God exists to be prayed to and to be asked for things, go to any Gurdwara and hear the ardass, it is full of the most pointless requests. If you have prayed and done all the right things, and no benefit has been had, and it has been promised by some elder, then I am not surprised you feel the way you do.
So what’s the point living without any purpose?
If your purpose is to set goals and achieve them, then yes, your life is without purpose, but try living for a while, just living, take a walk outside, the weather is beautiful, the sun is shining, find a park and watch the wildlife, feed the ducks, marvel at Creation and how wonderful it all is, forget yourself for a while,
Financially in terms of what I am studying I don’t like it at all and don’t know why I’m even doing it – don’t know what else to do. I did try other things but I failed in all of them. If I aimed to live in a nice house or have a nice car I would very very likely end up with a bicycle or bus pass. If I had my eyes set on a nice house I’m positive I’ll end up with a single room in a bed and breakfast.
Then stop, if you do not like doing it, why are you doing it? Go find something that you enjoy, you will probably find it easier to do and be better at it! At 22 you know little about failure, I am 43, and in some eyes I have been a failure all my life, addictions to Gambling, drinking, drugs, 2 bankruptcies, 2 aborted children, the list goes on, I am hardly prime material, but I did learn one thing, stop trying to be something that others want you to be, all you can be is yourself, and if you can truly understand who you are, what you are about, and what makes you happy and content, then you are a winner not a failure.
You may think this is negative thinking but for the last 7 years I’ve been trying so hard to achieve my goals but I can’t! this wishful thinking has caused the pain to start of with. I don’t want any for aims or hopes as I know I can never achieve them so why live at all? I rather just die one thing I love is sleep.
The love of sleep is a sure fire sign of depression, please tell me what your goals are, maybe myself and others here can assist in reaching them, no one knows who you are, so you have nothing to lose.
Spiritually I spent so long (so many years) doing path, simran, following rehat (I even took amrit!!!) and when I realised what the aim was I found out that the aim was always already achieved. Since the ego is always striving for stuff it gained NOTHING! So I wasted so much time for something that I would never be happy with in terms from an individual perspective.
I hold a strange opinion that all the simran and path in the world is pointless, that is my own opinion, but there are others here that can guide you as to how simran and path can help, I will leave them to explore this avenue. If you are doing simran and path to ask for things, that is one thing, if you are doing it to express your joy to Creator, that is another.
You can still have stuff and be Amritdhari, the tenth Master always dressed well and carried out pursuits that made him happy, hunting, etc. Being Amritdhari does not mean you turn into some sort of saint with nothing, it means that you have an understanding that you cannot hang your happiness on it. You cannot base who you are on it. After my first bankruptcy, I quickly realised that the money defined me, the car defined me, the house defined me, without all those things I was nothing.
In terms of relationships I have no friends let alone finding love and raising children. Currently I’m at university and out of thousands and thousands of people I can’t even make a single friend it makes me really sad when I see others laughing with their friends . But I’m happy for them because I know at least they are happy and not in the same situation as me.
I also have no friends, but that is out of choice, you must understand there is an air about you, you are depressive, but if we can change that over a period of time, people will warm to you, you will no longer smell of isolation, your smell will change, your attitude will change, and you will attract people like flies. We just need some time to find the problem and resolve it.
I can write what I want but it only makes me sad as I know I will never get it. I rather not hope anymore the only thing I like is sleep right now.
You have given up, that is sad, very sad, you need to find your fire again, your confidence, your spirit. I also felt like this at one time, it ended up with me sitting in car full of exhaust fumes giggling like a child. All I wanted to do was sleep, the thought of being asleep forever was very attractive, I was happy to be doing what I did. Unfortunately I was discovered, what followed was 16 years of putting everything right again before the sun shone for me. Please do not make the same mistake, you are damaging yourself hugely with your current line of thinking, do not do the same as me, create a mess so bad you have to sleep forever, and then find yourself having to deal with something that you thought would be someone elses problem. If you can apply yourself to this problem, the sun could be out for you in a year, maybe even six months, do something stupid and you could pay the price a lot longer, like I had to.
Since I feel I’m in bondage and have no control over what happens therefore I blame God because he is the one who is doing this to me. I really don’t think anything would ever get better. I’ve been having this wishful thinking for years but really everyday has been the same – years have passed away and I’m always suffering. I give up now I don’t have any more energy left in me…
I don’t have the finances to afford a psychotherapist but I don’t understand how it’ll help but I’m thinking about some sort of anti-depressant medication that can knock me out of my senses for long periods of time.
OK, I am not sure this is the official Sikh line, but this what I firmly believe in, God could not care less what you do, he is not looking down at you wagging his finger or smiling, he has given you life, and given you the rules of life, he has given you a template on how to live, the rest is up to you. He is not doing anything to you, or the world, I am sure he is pleased when you excel yourself, when you act within Hukam, within the divine order that he himself has set up, but if you do not, there is no retribution, but his Creation does have a habit of catching up with you. I do not believe anti depressants will help, they may just numb you, but your doctor can refer you for counselling. I think you are suffering from putting all your eggs in the basket of God, and then feeling in pain as none have hatched. Stop asking God for help and start listening to God, he is in your head, telling you what to do, just open your mind, listen, and act.
You are suffering from what we all suffer from, but in an extreme form. Your confidence is at an all time low, your faith is gone, you believe all you are good for now is the scrapheap. For a while forget your goals, concentrate on eating well, getting lots of fresh air, walks, and decide what it is you want to do with your life, change courses to something you enjoy, plan your life, if you wish my help in any of this, I would be only too pleased to assist. We are all here for you, We cannot have a young brother suffering like this, just dump everything that you feel on this thread and you will have a plethora of advice and offers of help.
Love, Harry
