Religious OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

[harmanhs5]

Sat Sri akal Everyone,
I am harman, suffering from religious ocd.
I have negative thoughts about gurus, god, or sometimes i repeat waherguru until i have no negative thoughts on background, that makes me suffer a lot.
Sometimes when i ask for forgiveness to guru, like bhul chuk maaf krni, today i say it 50 times, that takes 2-3 hrs, because whenever i say guruji mainu maaf krdo, mind will say you have not said it from heart or some neagative thought come at background, so i say until i feel satisfied. Today i say a lot, mind told me you had not said perfectly, and i feel so much anxious, feeling like i was gonna die, that much mental suffering i feel. I tried to let go but, whenever i remember that i still have to ask guruji for perfect sorry, i feel anxious like the world is gonna end, i feel like guruji will harm me or god will harm me if i did not do that. Then i take some medicine to relieve anxiety, then say sorry to guruji then afterwards i feel little relieved. Letting go of past, acceptance didn't work for me. Sometimes i have negative thoughts about guruji, i did same maafi mangni, but today i was nearly gonna mad, angry at me that why I can't even say sorry clearly. A lot going in my head, even though i say i myself, i will not say sorry, guruji will not punish me, guruji loves me, still i feel too much anxiety like i am facing a danger situation. I say to myself that relieved me a little that, guruji is comppsionate, they did me nothing. I sometimes say whaeguru till i say it perfectly that even takes up lot of minutes, mechanically repeating.
May no one suffer from mental suffering.

Sorry, if i wrote too much,
May all be free,
Thank you,
whateguru ji ka khalsa,
whaeguru ji ki Fateh.

 

[rupinderjit]

Sat sri akal Harman,
I understand the pain you are going through, been there and still deal with it but it has decreased very much.
I have kept making changes in my life, with the relationship I have with God and Guru.
first of all, you have to know that there are SO MANY PEOPLE out there who are suffering from OCD no matter what form. and this is a type of mental disorder that cripples you mentally.
I can only tell you what I have been doing and what I feel is right. the rest will be your choice but I am always here to talk to you.
I have come to understand that God is not the man with a beard high in the sky who is constantly judging me and make me feel bad. I would definitely ask you to listen to those people who can fix your relationship with God instead of filling more fear for God inside you. I sometimes listen to Dr. Karminder Singh,

he is a member here as well. I do like his teachings. it helps me get the old God out of my life who never existed!!
the other thing, if possible see a psychologist who specializes in OCD. I myself have not yet seen any but I sometimes see youtube videos in which they help to overcome any type of OCD I will share some links of people who have been through OCD and recovered, it helped me tremendously. you can see more of their videos. Mark freeman is amazing too, I really like his videos!!
watch these videos to understand more about OCD and how to overcome it.

It is VERY important to know how the brain functions and this OCD is a cycle of fear going on, the more we fear the more the brain takes the thought as a danger and the brain sends more negative thoughts and this cycle keeps going on and getting worse. God has nothing to do with this, we have to understand how to keep ourselves physically and mentally healthy. if we put too much sugar in our body we will get diabetes, similarly, if we give too much power to these silly nonsense thoughts they will cripple us mentally. when you stop caring about these thoughts, give them no importance TRUST ME they start leaving you. I have to mention here everyone's brain functions like ours, almost everyone gets bad negative thoughts whether for a person, God or Guru, BUT they don't give such thoughts importance that is why they remain normal and people like us start praying like crazy and we go crazy!
I have also started restricting my religious acts, I do path twice a day or less, but not more. I try not to give in to compulsions, the anxiety is gona build-up but with time it is gona fade away. In the videos, the main thing they teach is to not try to stop the thoughts, that is not in our control but resist the compulsion, that we can control. in your case resist to do the prayers!! and trust me God would never be happy with these painful prayers and the pain you are going through. Just ask yourself what your mother would tell you if you had to say her names million times in pain, maybe she would say she doesn't need it but only you to be happy and relaxed. and we do know HIS LOVE is infinity and our mothers love is nothing close to HIS.
And it is very important to have a healthy relationship with anyone whether it's your spouse, your child,your mother father or God,because when we start obsessing any relationship it doesn't remain peaceful and loving. and I know in religious OCD our brain constantly thinks about God and religion in a fearful way and that is no way a healthy relationship.
i can go on and on with this topic but I really wish you seek medical help, even these videos help tremendously. They teach you the skills you need to get control of life and live a better life. OCD will not go away overnight, it is these little steps you take towards healthy mental health. and after weeks, months and years you will see the huge change!! I have changed you can too!!
Hope I could help a little bit.

 

[harmanhs5]

This helps me, thanks a lot.
Yesterday i sleep well just by saying myself that, even though i have negative thoughts ( actually yesterday i have think negative thought intentionally just to ease ocd, like in paath, i make a wrong think of word like kirtan sohila start with raag gauri, i replace words with something not good), just to make ocd complex so to rase ocd.
Then i realise morning, other ocd thoughts are not my fault, but now i intentionally think something bad, that word similar to salng, i feel fear. Now should i need to say sorry to guruji, because this rime i was not anjaan, then i say myself, i just say a Wrong word, due to ocd i had said, not from heart, maybe guruji will forgive me.

The moment i become free, is when i realise i need not to ask for forgiveness because some times at past, i say sorry guru nanak dev ji, sorry guru angad dev ji and so on till all guru names then sorry from god.

If i got evidence that god or guruji don't punish for thoughts, even if i had intentionally think, it would be a great relaf.

The only thing that relieve me if i remove the option of asking sorry, and just living normally without that compulsion.
Maybe i can't explain that in words.

But, its great to talk.

I think OCD is only strong when we give meaning to it l, like blind faith.

I had taken medications before but they have other side effects that's why i had leave it many times.

I think, accepting ocd, not fighting and having good beliefs and will power and positive thinking helps.

Thank you for your help, i really appreciate it.

You also can ask me help anytime if you need.

 

[rupinderjit]

This is how OCD works, you are always unsure of yourself and thoughts and constantly asking for reassurance whether from yourself or others. I feel the biggest fear we carry is that we are disappointing God and Guru which in turn will cause us harm. I have made some changes to my life like trying not to fear as honestly nothing wrong happens!! if you do not do the number of prayers in certain ways trust me NOTHING HAPPENS. God knows you better than yourself. He knows you are in pain with this mental state. even if you were doing things intentionally, behind it was your efforts to get rid of these thoughts and compulsions.
it is very important to learn the skills and healthy coping mechanisms to overcome such mental illnesses. for myself I am going through the youtube videos, learning the skills these people used to recover.
the biggest example lots of people give is don't try to avoid or push the negative thoughts away, the more you try the more they bug you. that is simply how the brain functions. just for an example if I tell you do not think about a pink elephant, the first thing that comes to your mind is a pink elephant. no matter how many times you tell yourself not to think about the pink elephant it will keep coming to your head.
that's the way out negative thoughts work. just stop caring about them.
with myself, I used to see terrible things on Guru Granth sahib ji, our Guru's wrong pictures, wrong words for God and Guru, I also used to try not to think. BUT now I just don't care and they have stopped bugging me. because I know they are nothing but just random thoughts that normal people also have.
I used to do matha tek so many times in a day, constantly think about God, do mool mantar in my mind most of the time, feel so uncomfortable, but I have stopped most of it. I try to be a better loving person, I do less prayers. I have just tried to resist the compulsions.
people like us worry way too much that starts giving power to such silly thoughts that almost everyone has.
take small steps, avoid the compulsions, learn the skills and you will see change come in your life.
JUST REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. that is the biggest lesson to learn. the brain just gives out different kinds of thoughts, good and bad it is up to us how we wanna deal with them. whether we wanna hold on to them or just let them pass.
I am trying to build a healthy loving relationship with God and Guru instead of the fearful unhealthy one I used to have.
In my case, I blame the people around me and the so-called baba's who teach you fear regarding Guru and God, if you do this and that you will go to hell, be punished bla bla. Now I know even if I am the worst person left on this planet my God and Guru will shower me with unconditional love.
I hope I make sense.
But please do seek help, try to build a healthy relationship with Guru and God with no fears but Love and respect. Right now I am reading the book by Mark freeman " you are not a rock" I hope it will teach me more skills.
take care.

 

[swarn bains]

harman jee. i read your story only, not the reply. but i will give my opinion. first thing you have to check your blood pressure for anxiety. secondly you have give up doubt or double mindedness. baba says you only get what you earn. now here earning is not money, it is your mind. God is in the mind. you have to straighten your mind for thinking properly. no one gives anything for free. you do less from the mind and ask for more. it never happens. in order for the mind to think straight., you have to form a picture of baba Nanak in your mind. see that picture in the mind and repeat word waheguru. when you keep looking at babas picture in the mind with respect and repeat waheguru, the mind will stop running around. it is not one day deal. you have to do it whenever you are free. no one forgives anyone. it is all mental thinking. keep doing and slowly slowly your mind will stabilize and you start relaxing. rest next time if it appeals to u. if not then forget about it

 

[harmanhs5]

This is how OCD works, you are always unsure of yourself and thoughts and constantly asking for reassurance whether from yourself or others. I feel the biggest fear we carry is that we are disappointing God and Guru which in turn will cause us harm. I have made some changes to my life like trying not to fear as honestly nothing wrong happens!! if you do not do the number of prayers in certain ways trust me NOTHING HAPPENS. God knows you better than yourself. He knows you are in pain with this mental state. even if you were doing things intentionally, behind it was your efforts to get rid of these thoughts and compulsions.
it is very important to learn the skills and healthy coping mechanisms to overcome such mental illnesses. for myself I am going through the youtube videos, learning the skills these people used to recover.
the biggest example lots of people give is don't try to avoid or push the negative thoughts away, the more you try the more they bug you. that is simply how the brain functions. just for an example if I tell you do not think about a pink elephant, the first thing that comes to your mind is a pink elephant. no matter how many times you tell yourself not to think about the pink elephant it will keep coming to your head.
that's the way out negative thoughts work. just stop caring about them.
with myself, I used to see terrible things on Guru Granth sahib ji, our Guru's wrong pictures, wrong words for God and Guru, I also used to try not to think. BUT now I just don't care and they have stopped bugging me. because I know they are nothing but just random thoughts that normal people also have.
I used to do matha tek so many times in a day, constantly think about God, do mool mantar in my mind most of the time, feel so uncomfortable, but I have stopped most of it. I try to be a better loving person, I do less prayers. I have just tried to resist the compulsions.
people like us worry way too much that starts giving power to such silly thoughts that almost everyone has.
take small steps, avoid the compulsions, learn the skills and you will see change come in your life.
JUST REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. that is the biggest lesson to learn. the brain just gives out different kinds of thoughts, good and bad it is up to us how we wanna deal with them. whether we wanna hold on to them or just let them pass.
I am trying to build a healthy loving relationship with God and Guru instead of the fearful unhealthy one I used to have.
In my case, I blame the people around me and the so-called baba's who teach you fear regarding Guru and God, if you do this and that you will go to hell, be punished bla bla. Now I know even if I am the worst person left on this planet my God and Guru will shower me with unconditional love.
I hope I make sense.
But please do seek help, try to build a healthy relationship with Guru and God with no fears but Love and respect. Right now I am reading the book by Mark freeman " you are not a rock" I hope it will teach me more skills.
take care.

thanks you sooo much, so so muc. Even a little help could uplift . I'm really grateful.

 

[harmanhs5]

I just wanna ask, how to really let the past complusions go, like i was reading gurbani in english at tv, and i mistakenly read wrong word, from that i just ask forgiveness then let that go, but whenever i am about to relax, i had thought in mind, that you have not asked forgiveness from guru ji properly, i will be free from that anxiety if i did it properly, but i am unable to ask for forgiveness, whenever i ask, i have negative thoughts and can't concentrate on forgiveness and it feels like infinite loop, but i try my best to let go of past, but when mind wander, i remember i had not asked forgiveness, i may live imperfect and sinful life, but i think its my belief about our gurus, maybe that takes time to learn not to ask forgiveness.
I think ocd is making me bait to gut stuck in fear cycle. I think i should accept all this and accept to live with anxiety. We should understand that, guru only forgive and didn't punish anyone, i think fear is the cultprit behind ocd's survival.
In ocd, it feels like religion is turnig against us, but in relaity, it's for end of suffering of the humans, to find truth. Thing that bothers a lot is the choice i have, like if i had no choice to ask forgiveness, i will stay relaxed, but because i have a choice, ocd always say, hey! harman common, lets ask sorry and relieve the anxiety and you will live better.

I feels free for some moments when i let all the past go.

Thank You, lots of blessings

 

[Logical Sikh]

I just wanna ask, how to really let the past complusions go, like i was reading gurbani in english at tv, and i mistakenly read wrong word, from that i just ask forgiveness then let that go, but whenever i am about to relax, i had thought in mind, that you have not asked forgiveness from guru ji properly, i will be free from that anxiety if i did it properly, but i am unable to ask for forgiveness, whenever i ask, i have negative thoughts and can't concentrate on forgiveness and it feels like infinite loop, but i try my best to let go of past, but when mind wander, i remember i had not asked forgiveness, i may live imperfect and sinful life, but i think its my belief about our gurus, maybe that takes time to learn not to ask forgiveness.
I think ocd is making me bait to gut stuck in fear cycle. I think i should accept all this and accept to live with anxiety. We should understand that, guru only forgive and didn't punish anyone, i think fear is the cultprit behind ocd's survival.
In ocd, it feels like religion is turnig against us, but in relaity, it's for end of suffering of the humans, to find truth. Thing that bothers a lot is the choice i have, like if i had no choice to ask forgiveness, i will stay relaxed, but because i have a choice, ocd always say, hey! harman common, lets ask sorry and relieve the anxiety and you will live better.

I feels free for some moments when i let all the past go.

Thank You, lots of blessings

Guru is Nirvair.... Guru doesn't keep grudges if somebody make a mistake unintentionally while reading gurbani.... Guru loves you, and everyone else irrespective of where they are in their journey of life.... Tbh i think guru will be happy even if you are making mistakes because you cant really learn anything without making mistakes....
Dont think abt guru with common man' s virtues.... Guru is Devine... Consider guru as a Guide with Godly virtues.... He doesn't hate, he doesn't punish... All that guru has is Love ... Love... And love...
"True is the Master, True is his Naam,
Speak it with infinite love."

 

[Sikhilove1]

I just wanna ask, how to really let the past complusions go, like i was reading gurbani in english at tv, and i mistakenly read wrong word, from that i just ask forgiveness then let that go, but whenever i am about to relax, i had thought in mind, that you have not asked forgiveness from guru ji properly, i will be free from that anxiety if i did it properly, but i am unable to ask for forgiveness, whenever i ask, i have negative thoughts and can't concentrate on forgiveness and it feels like infinite loop, but i try my best to let go of past, but when mind wander, i remember i had not asked forgiveness, i may live imperfect and sinful life, but i think its my belief about our gurus, maybe that takes time to learn not to ask forgiveness.
I think ocd is making me bait to gut stuck in fear cycle. I think i should accept all this and accept to live with anxiety. We should understand that, guru only forgive and didn't punish anyone, i think fear is the cultprit behind ocd's survival.
In ocd, it feels like religion is turnig against us, but in relaity, it's for end of suffering of the humans, to find truth. Thing that bothers a lot is the choice i have, like if i had no choice to ask forgiveness, i will stay relaxed, but because i have a choice, ocd always say, hey! harman common, lets ask sorry and relieve the anxiety and you will live better.

I feels free for some moments when i let all the past go.

Thank You, lots of blessings

Do yoga and get therapy. If you don’t have money for therapy then go online and see if u can Watch and implement videos in these issues.

 

[harmanhs5]

thank you

Guru is Nirvair.... Guru doesn't keep grudges if somebody make a mistake unintentionally while reading gurbani.... Guru loves you, and everyone else irrespective of where they are in their journey of life.... Tbh i think guru will be happy even if you are making mistakes because you cant really learn anything without making mistakes....
Dont think abt guru with common man' s virtues.... Guru is Devine... Consider guru as a Guide with Godly virtues.... He doesn't hate, he doesn't punish... All that guru has is Love ... Love... And love...
"True is the Master, True is his Naam,
Speak it with infinite love."

 

[harmanhs5]

thanks

Do yoga and get therapy. If you don’t have money for therapy then go online and see if u can Watch and implement videos in these issues.

 

[Sikhilove1]

thank you

God doesn’t want us to make mistakes, a wise man learns from a fools mistakes, a fool learns from his own. Look around you at your teachers. The world is full of people stuck in the 5 thieves. Learn from them of what u shouldn’t do.

The fools dont know what they do, that’s why they are fools. So live by example, teach and guide them By living the Truth. Be a good soul. Guru Nanak showed Truthful living by actively living it.

 

[Kanwaljit.Singh]

Focus less on forgiveness and more for Love of Guru and Humanity

 

[itsjaspreet]

Greetings, Harman! I hope you are doing well. Just read your story, & want you to know you are not the only one. I am sailing in the same boat, and as Kanwaljit said "
Focus less on forgiveness and more for[on] Love of Guru and Humanity " <- this is the key. Sooner or later you will realize it, don't worry we got your back. Stay blessed.

 

[Khalsa!!]

Sat Sri akal Everyone,
I am harman, suffering from religious ocd.
I have negative thoughts about gurus, god, or sometimes i repeat waherguru until i have no negative thoughts on background, that makes me suffer a lot.
Sometimes when i ask for forgiveness to guru, like bhul chuk maaf krni, today i say it 50 times, that takes 2-3 hrs, because whenever i say guruji mainu maaf krdo, mind will say you have not said it from heart or some neagative thought come at background, so i say until i feel satisfied. Today i say a lot, mind told me you had not said perfectly, and i feel so much anxious, feeling like i was gonna die, that much mental suffering i feel. I tried to let go but, whenever i remember that i still have to ask guruji for perfect sorry, i feel anxious like the world is gonna end, i feel like guruji will harm me or god will harm me if i did not do that. Then i take some medicine to relieve anxiety, then say sorry to guruji then afterwards i feel little relieved. Letting go of past, acceptance didn't work for me. Sometimes i have negative thoughts about guruji, i did same maafi mangni, but today i was nearly gonna mad, angry at me that why I can't even say sorry clearly. A lot going in my head, even though i say i myself, i will not say sorry, guruji will not punish me, guruji loves me, still i feel too much anxiety like i am facing a danger situation. I say to myself that relieved me a little that, guruji is comppsionate, they did me nothing. I sometimes say whaeguru till i say it perfectly that even takes up lot of minutes, mechanically repeating.
May no one suffer from mental suffering.

Sorry, if i wrote too much,
May all be free,
Thank you,
whateguru ji ka khalsa,
whaeguru ji ki Fateh.

paji do SEMEN RETENTION!!!! it’s a cure

 

[Harichan1771]

I had this sort of thing going in my head, since my childhood. Few years back, I challenged myself about the thoughts which I was getting about god and guru sahibs. I discussed the points with myself considering the "consequences". And I got myself free from that cycle of thoughts. You should feel free about having those thoughts and accepting what you think.
I would like to blame older generations for scaring us for not reading some words in path as I used to recite and my father would really get mad of my pronunciation, and those people who told me about hell and god punishing bad(what is bad anyway for god). The societal beliefs are imbued in us since the day we first start understanding our surroundings and gets carried away with us till old age and are passed down again.
I got out early at 20! Yay

 

[Jaycdp]

Sat Sri akal Everyone,
I am harman, suffering from religious ocd.
I have negative thoughts about gurus, god, or sometimes i repeat waherguru until i have no negative thoughts on background, that makes me suffer a lot.
Sometimes when i ask for forgiveness to guru, like bhul chuk maaf krni, today i say it 50 times, that takes 2-3 hrs, because whenever i say guruji mainu maaf krdo, mind will say you have not said it from heart or some neagative thought come at background, so i say until i feel satisfied. Today i say a lot, mind told me you had not said perfectly, and i feel so much anxious, feeling like i was gonna die, that much mental suffering i feel. I tried to let go but, whenever i remember that i still have to ask guruji for perfect sorry, i feel anxious like the world is gonna end, i feel like guruji will harm me or god will harm me if i did not do that. Then i take some medicine to relieve anxiety, then say sorry to guruji then afterwards i feel little relieved. Letting go of past, acceptance didn't work for me. Sometimes i have negative thoughts about guruji, i did same maafi mangni, but today i was nearly gonna mad, angry at me that why I can't even say sorry clearly. A lot going in my head, even though i say i myself, i will not say sorry, guruji will not punish me, guruji loves me, still i feel too much anxiety like i am facing a danger situation. I say to myself that relieved me a little that, guruji is comppsionate, they did me nothing. I sometimes say whaeguru till i say it perfectly that even takes up lot of minutes, mechanically repeating.
May no one suffer from mental suffering.

Sorry, if i wrote too much,
May all be free,
Thank you,
whateguru ji ka khalsa,
whaeguru ji ki Fateh.

Dear soul ( athma) It is normal to have inside call, you have karma to spritiual souls who want to join paramathma and make the godly family. Godly family started by paramathma and it was adam or adi nath or satya narayana and lakshmi. There are 9 of them. First one is sundynasty sree ram, second one is moon dynasty krishna , third one is islam dinasty ( jewish) them Budha dynasty , then christian dynasty, then muslim dynasty and then sanyas ( shankarachary) dynasty and then sikh dynasty and then aryasamaja dynasty ( congress party) and then communist athiest. When looking at spiritual power jews have more power than budhist and budhist have more power than christian and muslims have more spiritual power than sikhs( but sikhs are on the right side of the god and use little spiritual power for positive benefit of god) where as muslim and christians used it for negative power more than positive. So it is not just about more power but who is on the right side of the god who experience more joy and happiness. Sikhs have tons of good karma sikhs did not persicute any body in their life cycle . Where as islam and christianity persicuted lots of people arround the world. So you have good karma and you will enjoy more happiness even though you have less spiriutal power than christians and muslims or budhist. People use spiritual power for bad karma

 

[Pkaur99]

thanks

Harman omg I have the exact same problem I wish I could overcome it

 

[WorldReligions]

Sat Sri akal Everyone,
I am harman, suffering from religious ocd.
I have negative thoughts about gurus, god, or sometimes i repeat waherguru until i have no negative thoughts on background, that makes me suffer a lot.
Sometimes when i ask for forgiveness to guru, like bhul chuk maaf krni, today i say it 50 times, that takes 2-3 hrs, because whenever i say guruji mainu maaf krdo, mind will say you have not said it from heart or some neagative thought come at background, so i say until i feel satisfied. Today i say a lot, mind told me you had not said perfectly, and i feel so much anxious, feeling like i was gonna die, that much mental suffering i feel. I tried to let go but, whenever i remember that i still have to ask guruji for perfect sorry, i feel anxious like the world is gonna end, i feel like guruji will harm me or god will harm me if i did not do that. Then i take some medicine to relieve anxiety, then say sorry to guruji then afterwards i feel little relieved. Letting go of past, acceptance didn't work for me. Sometimes i have negative thoughts about guruji, i did same maafi mangni, but today i was nearly gonna mad, angry at me that why I can't even say sorry clearly. A lot going in my head, even though i say i myself, i will not say sorry, guruji will not punish me, guruji loves me, still i feel too much anxiety like i am facing a danger situation. I say to myself that relieved me a little that, guruji is comppsionate, they did me nothing. I sometimes say whaeguru till i say it perfectly that even takes up lot of minutes, mechanically repeating.
May no one suffer from mental suffering.

Sorry, if i wrote too much,
May all be free,
Thank you,
whateguru ji ka khalsa,
whaeguru ji ki Fateh.

I actually have OCD in general.
My trick is to accept the bad thing and realize that it isn’t so bad after all.
So if I am worried I am going to go to hell, I tell myself yes I’m going to go to hell. Alright this has no power on me because I have accepted it.
I don’t actually want to go to hell obviously but it works and stops the ruminating (which is what you are doing)

 

[WorldReligions]

This helps me, thanks a lot.
Yesterday i sleep well just by saying myself that, even though i have negative thoughts ( actually yesterday i have think negative thought intentionally just to ease ocd, like in paath, i make a wrong think of word like kirtan sohila start with raag gauri, i replace words with something not good), just to make ocd complex so to rase ocd.
Then i realise morning, other ocd thoughts are not my fault, but now i intentionally think something bad, that word similar to salng, i feel fear. Now should i need to say sorry to guruji, because this rime i was not anjaan, then i say myself, i just say a Wrong word, due to ocd i had said, not from heart, maybe guruji will forgive me.

The moment i become free, is when i realise i need not to ask for forgiveness because some times at past, i say sorry guru nanak dev ji, sorry guru angad dev ji and so on till all guru names then sorry from god.

If i got evidence that god or guruji don't punish for thoughts, even if i had intentionally think, it would be a great relaf.

The only thing that relieve me if i remove the option of asking sorry, and just living normally without that compulsion.
Maybe i can't explain that in words.

But, its great to talk.

I think OCD is only strong when we give meaning to it l, like blind faith.

I had taken medications before but they have other side effects that's why i had leave it many times.

I think, accepting ocd, not fighting and having good beliefs and will power and positive thinking helps.

Thank you for your help, i really appreciate it.

You also can ask me help anytime if you need.

Have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy?