- Jan 31, 2011
- 5,769
- 8,194
- 55
Animals feel no shame you know, watch an animal having sex, or taking a shit, they just get on with it, you never see shame in their eyes, they can kill another animal, eat it, hump its remains, and nothing in the eyes, just I am, let it be, men, alone, in solitude, also feel no shame, as there is no one to witness their actions, they live as animals, adopt animal habits, it takes another human being to bring to the forefront feelings of shame, regret, love, and the need to be loved, but what use are these feelings? The experience I have just been through shocked me hugely, being a lone wolf is easy, no explaining, no justifying, no shame, no regret, no love, and most importantly, no need to be loved, how easy it was to be a man, a breathing living man, in a clean shirt, trousers, shaved, presentable, and suddenly I felt like a man, not an animal, sure, I could feel love, but also lots of other feelings I have had no experience of for some time, the more I felt, the more I wanted to stay, the more I wanted to stay, the more feelings I wanted to experience, and the more I wanted to present myself as a living breathing human being, at that point, I would have sold the wolf's soul down the river to be part of the world again, yet, the constant unease, the constant associated feelings that love brings, a lot of which are quite negative, and the feeling of losing oneself on a daily basis, does not sound fun, and there I guess you have what love means to me, now that cannot be the love that binds most people together, so my definition of love is clearly warped, oh well, {censored} it, I guess I will have to live with it, or do I?
I think the burning question has finally been answered, does my definition of love hold? can you put weight on it? is it strong enough? no on all counts, it remains a childish fantasy with no substance or grounding, if this is accepted as good and correct, and the only role I ever had as a man, was to find this love, then what possible benefit is there to being a man, the search for the holy grail is over, it doesn't exist, not my holy grail, so either find a different one, or stop looking, finding a different one is not an option, which leaves stop looking, which then negates the need to be a man, the search is over, vote wolf.
I think the burning question has finally been answered, does my definition of love hold? can you put weight on it? is it strong enough? no on all counts, it remains a childish fantasy with no substance or grounding, if this is accepted as good and correct, and the only role I ever had as a man, was to find this love, then what possible benefit is there to being a man, the search for the holy grail is over, it doesn't exist, not my holy grail, so either find a different one, or stop looking, finding a different one is not an option, which leaves stop looking, which then negates the need to be a man, the search is over, vote wolf.
