What A Show!

[Harry Haller]

Life has taken on the feel of a very bad US soap opera, the ones where you watch in disbelief at the unlikeliness of the characters, for years and years all I have wanted to be is 'normal', to have a 'normal' life, 'normal' desires, to dress 'normally' to assimilate into society, I have to accept that is not going to happen, ,my fate, the fate that I have given myself is to devote myself instead to Creation, to the people round me, to be there at the slightest hint of need, not to take the show seriously.

My sanity, my day to day feelings are irrelevant, what I learn is irrelevant, how enlightened I become is irrelevant, the desire to be normal, to wear a clean t shirt that is not covered in donut jam is irrelevant, all that remains relevant is how many peoples lives have you touched today, I am absolutely fed up to the back teeth of cutting out parts of me, refining parts of me, switching bits off, switching bits on, sure, there is no love in the way that I feel, yes, if there were love, that would be the icing on the cake, maybe that's been the idea all along, to give, and to feel love, but in the absence of perfection, better to give, and feel nothing, but to give freely, it becomes a responsibility not a pleasure, but then again, I was always a big fan of the saying

the end justifies the means

the end game is to assist as many people as possible, the means? whatever gets you through the night.

 

[Ishna]

"the end game is to assist as many people as possible, the means? whatever gets you through the night."

Where does peace factor into the mix? Does Guru ji teach us to run ourselves ragged and deny ourselves peace? I don't know... wish there was a way to help you.

 

[chazSingh]

often people say, when you yourself feel down, try to help others and eventually this will help with your own peace...

in the past apart from help some friends and family, all i've done is give some money to charity as a passing activity.

recently i was thinking of trying to sponsor a family or person to help an individual that i don't know and help in their progress...either through an online service or to look around and see if anyone is in need, maybe a homeless shelter etc...

i think when we can take the focus off our own problems and divert our focus to help someone else over a period of time that it may work some magic on our own conditioning...

i was thinking of maybe starting a blog to get some ideas of doing some practical seva...

My wife loves to celebrate her own birthday and gets upset if she doesn't receive gifts etc...

i was thinking how great it would be to be able to log onto a website on your own birthday, and find someone in need who also has the same birthday as yourself and instead of wanting to receive a gift on your birthday you can give a gift to someone else on their birthday

...

i have these crazy thoughts...

 

[Harry Haller]

I am wolf, and as such, I can only answer as wolf, no, I am not at peace, but I feel a stirring in my belly, an excitement I cannot explain, I would not say it is a problem, I justify my existence by doing good, but it is not the sort of good you do from the heart, it is the good that you do that comes from responsibility. You are sweet sis, but I choose this, over peace, contentment, even happiness. Why? I guess in my garbled mind that makes me free, troubled, but free nonetheless...

Chazji,

In this state I want for nothing that I cannot provide myself, peace has no interest to me, but then I speak as the being I have morphed into, describing your wife's attitude to her birthday seems strange, we do not celebrate birthdays, valentines day, Christmas, well anything,

I love the way you get joy out of even the thought of helping people, hah, if you want crazy thoughts my friend..