My brother I write this response based on the very little knowledge I have and my experience. We have all done wrong, because we are human, Vaheguru accepts the fact humans make mistakes. By his grace he shows a new direction and for me that was Sikhi. Learning Gurbani and reading the SGGS, and doing (some, I still need more time
) of the Nitnem has proven a life changing EXPERIENCE.
This latter part is absolutely crucial to understand, Sikhi is not a religion, but a Dharm, we are to experience Vaheguru now. I will digress a little, speaking with a good friend he was telling me that with Sikhi the religion you have to give up so many things, smoking, drinking, meat, partying etc etc, all the Maya. I told him when you are truly on the path, you do not have to give up anything, you simply lose the taste for all those things.
The most amazing thing about Sikhi is that Dhan Guru Nanak Dev Ji gave us the formula and process to raise our intellect to control the mind. Bani, Simran. Kirtan, Sadh Sangat etc etc. You abstaining from things is simply playing around the edges, how long can your mind hold out before you have a relapse. Bani even tells us their Is no virtue in abstinence, when the dirt (meil) of the soul exists. Like the Sidds who go to the 68 holy shrines and bathe, thinking they are cleansing themselves, but still the 5 chor reside inside. The only way to clean the soul Is through reciting bani, katha, kirtan etc etc.
No-one in this world can tell you your next stage, but we are here to follow Hukam and walk in his way. This is simply your path, so stop worrying, this is part of the play, now get on with doing the right things. Start with love for Vaheguru and let him take it from there.
