I am going to make this quite a blunt and frank post because I believe this is a blunt and frank subject and it needs to be treated with honesty.
I have had an issue with lust since I was in my teens, it would be fair to say that until recently it has ruled my life. Being free until I met my current wife seven years ago, I had many opportunities to satisfy my urges. I guess I have slept with maybe 100 women in my life, and on one particular day of madness, curious to see how many different women I could sleep with in a day, managed 8. Now I do not mean to boast, or say any of this with any warped pride, but to provide some sort of background to the question, ie, what happens when you do cut loose, what happens when the thoughts manifest itself into physical actions, well, for a long time that lifestyle meant I was unable to meet a woman without mentally undressing her in my head, together with a huge appetite for porn and self abuse, I think it would be fair to say that lust ruled my life for many many years, caused the breakdown of every relationship I have ever had, (nearly including my current one),
When I met my wife, she enchanted me, but for the wrong reasons, she was, and still is, the most lust inducing woman I had ever met, although it was not something she set out to be, it just was, but that was ok, because I dropped the thoughts, the porn, and focused on my wife, so far, so good, unfortunately, the menopause came, and I thought my life was over, my old habits came back, and although nothing physical ever happened with another woman, my mind became like a cesspit, the resulting inner struggle drove me to a madness the level of which I have never encountered before, sex became a bargaining tool, I have done this for you, you could at least do this for me, even if you have no urge to, it was a complete mess. In the end, I just wanted to die rather than have this disease inside of me, I was a wretch, I found a halfway house, I managed to see all women as sisters, daughters and mothers in real life, but in my head, there was a constant porn movie playing, flashbacks, etc etc.
I never tried path, I could not see how mumbling words I did not understand was going to help, nor meditation, they seemed temporary solutions, and frankly insisting on not being alone with a woman is laughable, it is understanding I wanted, not someone to keep me in check, I wanted to wake up one day and be free of this disease, to not be a slave anymore to my lust.
The solution turned out to be simplicity itself, I had a very frank and honest conversation with my wife about exactly where my mind took me, my thoughts, desires, the porn I watched, she was upset, not for long, as she recognised the basic male mentality, she was more disappointed than upset, in me, her words were ' I thought you were different harry, I thought you were better than that' watching my wifes face as I told her, made me realise what a cowardly wretch I actually was, a boy in a mans body, an uncontrollable idiot with no sense of self or respect for my wife, her face is burned into my head, her moist eyes, sad, let down, we lost a lot that day, but gained a lot too, everything between us was at once destroyed and reborn, I swore that from that day on I would be a man, a proper man, a husband, a son, a father, a friend, true, honest, and everytime I feel like I am about to fail, I think of my wifes face and I am determined not to be that person, to be that idiot, like a monkey in a zoo, to have some respect for myself, for the women around me,
What also helped was a roofer friend, he has lived, and lived hard, really hard, his life makes mine seem charmed, he has been a huge help to me, although he maintains that it is me that has been a huge help to him, watching me, he says, helps him realise he made the right decision to be free of bones, every morning he comes in for a tea and a chat, older than me, he is the big brother I never had, a huge giant of a man with a strong gruff {censored}ney accent
Bones, harry, you see em all digging for bones, wheres my bone, they say, I have to keep digging for that bone, don't know why, but gotta find that bone
Let it go san, let that bone go, you don't need it, be free harry, bones is for dogs, your a man my san, you gotta be a man, boy, stand up proud, be true, love yer woman, show her everything you are, be naked to er, show er your a straight bloke, an she will respect you for being a man, not a child
so, as this is a Sikh forum, instead of mumbling words, embrace the very foundations of our religion, be true, be honest, be a man, be free
