Hi Lucky Ji,
I know how you feel Ji. Someone once said to me that Patience is a divine quality that we need to establish and we only overcome this through our experience and feelings of frustration. Even slight fear of the unknown. God is within our very being, he knows all the things we need to battle against.
I get frustrated sometimes because at one point i was often overwhelmed with the mystical aspect...things seemed to be moving so fast...but then desires crept in for the experiences...if i didnt have the same experience, i wondered why...what i was doing wrong...attachement to them.
i soon realised that no matter where we are on this path, the 5 thieves still exist in some form, and we are battling them at every step. no doubt there was a little fear sometimes, and maybe this is why God slows things down...until we are ready for moving forward.
But i also believe and feel that many changes and things are happening within us, even if sometimes we feel stuck in a certain place, and then i feel our patiance and faith and trust come into it....to surrender and accept that in the end we (Ego) cannot make anything happen...it is His Grace that opens it all up for us.
But it is His grace that gets us doing our simran, our Seva, gets us thinking about it, contemplating it...all Grace in different forms...
For me, sometimes i Ego says "you are becoming calm, humble..Anger is dissapearing", then a life event happens and booom, anger, frustration brews up inside me...these are little signs along the path and a kick in our Ego...that we may be becoming complacent and there is much to do and overcome with the power of Waheguru within us...more simran, maybe longer hours, more seva etc.
Recently i have been having images of a sexual nature flash into my mind during simran, and in dreams after Simran...maybe this is filtering out of my subconscious...i just have to keep my faith that Gods light is cleaning me up from my bad habits and thoughts...during which time we must prevent out Ego from coming in and causing frustration.
My ardaas and mental thinking during Simran recently is to just surrender it all to Waheguru, to say i am happy with just your prescense...to know that you're there, and that you'll always be there... i dont want any amazing experiences and that i'm happy as you keep me".
This kind of personal ardaas seems to be helping me keep frustration, fear of moving forward into the seemingly unknown, and is keeping me more humble , content and at gods feet.
Going through the door? i think when the time is right, your inner shabad will pull\guide you throught it (whatever this door is)...jst like the sound of something dropping on the floor in a silent room that suddenly pulls your attention towards it..
sabadh guroosurath dhhun chaelaa|| 993
The Shabad is the Guru, upon whom I lovingly focus my consciousness; I am the chaylaa, the disciple.
sachaisabadh thaarreechith laaeae|| 1044
He links his consciousness to the deep meditative state of the True Shabad.
man raesabadh tharahuchith laae || 19
O mind, swim across, by focusing your consciousness on the Shabad.
Hope this helps Lucky Ji...God Bless on your journey ahead
Feel up-beat and ready to take on any challenge
