Pre/Post Marital Relationships

[sskohli]

Sat Sri Akal
Weerjee,
I firmly support your point, and yeah we did get misled from the topic. I think it was just the kind of replies that directed the flow of conversation to distant grounds.
Anyways, most of the things which we discussed in the thread was Temptation. And by temptation, we were not limiting ourselves to just Adultery or as we were discussing infidelity, but to any desire. I don't know if desires are forbidden or should be ignored.
I was having a debae last week with my coleagues about desires, and one of our directors stood up and said "Desire is good". It leads us to strive for more, directs our energies and make us more mature, in return we achieve more.
He quoted by saying that even though you people must be debating about the ills of desire and condemning the fact that your religions foribid desire and term it as bad, but the very moment you are given a bigger salary hike or someother kind of temptation by a competing company, you would be the first to let go your principles and follow the carrot. Which was very true in a sense.
THUS my question remains, even though we know what is right from wrong. We have read numerous books, we have heard numerous preachers, many avtars have come and gone saying the same thing. But do we pay heed to whatever we know. At the time, when we are about to give into temptation, our senses go numb and we just go through the event saying that we are mere mortals and only higher souls can resist themselves from it.
Dunno, I am still as blank as I was the day i began this thread.
Whatever you quoted from SGGSJI, is completely correct. But how do go about practicing it in real life.

Thanks
sandeep

 

[rosethorne]

WJKK
WJKF
Dear SSKohliji, It is not our life only, but it is Kirpa of AkalPurakh. When we know this then only we can do it in our life. It is Maya and we cann't get rid of it easiely. But take shelter to Guru's feet and see what is wrong to do. It is the motive of a Gursikh's life that we are not only a human but can make the difference to the rest of world. We are here to change ourselves but we cann't change others. And if only a thinking of a person can change by anymeans it is the purpose solves.

 

[devinesanative]

Dear friend SSKOHLI

Whatever your director said about "Desire" is Correct . Desire is good , But , it should not be misunderstood . Desire is good when it is properly channelized in a positive way towards the improvement , enhancment of the efficiency and productivity of oneself .


A Desire to Help someone is a good Desire .
A Desire to do something for the good of humanity is he good Desire .

Sometimes a Desire becomes the extended form of NEED , and Sometimes desire becomes a Need .

For a poor man Food is the Basic Need for survival , But for the rich and wealthy man to have a Dinner or lunch with costly drinks is his desire ..

But the theme remains the , need remains the same that is to quench the hunger ......

Let us take another example : A mobile phone is a need for a Business Man , but it is a Desire for a School Student .......

Kam : Kam cannot be eliminated , but can be channelized in a proper way to increase the efficiency of oneself .... Whenever a desire for Kam arises , it can be diverted but not suppressed ..... But diverted it improves one creativity ....... Diversion of Kam Completes the Brain Circuit and thus improves creativity .......

Example :

The sculpture who built Taj Mahal ..... he failed to come up with a good memorable structure ..... But when Advised by the ministers of Shahjahan that When a heart Breaks Creativity enhances.......... Then it was done so ........ and Thus Taj Mahal Was created ......



krodh : Krodh cannot be eliminated , krodh can also be channelized in a more appropriate proper way ......... many examples can be found that how people diverted their anger and used it a more productive way.....


Lobh : Lobh also cannot be eliminated , But a lobh to serve others , to help who need help , lobh to do good etc is also a way ............


Moh : Moh also cannot be emliminated , But can be channelized in a more proper way........

 

[rosethorne]

WJKK
WJKF
Dear Devinesanativeji, Very well said, These kind of posts needed in this kind of issues. May God help All to find true peace of life.

 

[Amerikaur]

When I went through divorce, my counselor told me something very interesting. When a person has an affair...it usually is not one person lusting after another and ending up in bed, although this can happen occasionally.

It is more often for a person to cheat because there have been deeper problems in a marriage, and the about-to-cheat person visualizes himself or herself as having a life with another person.

Keeping up a healthy sex life and being honest with each other can do a lot for keeping the kaam that's in all of us from getting too destructive. I know my former marriage was grea when it was only my husband that had to do a lot of (work) travel. When things started to degrade was when I started traveling too. We saw less and less of each other and seemed to get on each other's nerves more.

A great thing about marriage is how much you build together. It means so much more to the relationship rather than just a fun evening. Just please please please do not take it for granted.

 

[reiki]

When I went through divorce, my counselor told me something very interesting. When a person has an affair...it usually is not one person lusting after another and ending up in bed, although this can happen occasionally.

It is more often for a person to cheat because there have been deeper problems in a marriage, and the about-to-cheat person visualizes himself or herself as having a life with another person.

Keeping up a healthy sex life and being honest with each other can do a lot for keeping the kaam that's in all of us from getting too destructive. I know my former marriage was grea when it was only my husband that had to do a lot of (work) travel. When things started to degrade was when I started traveling too. We saw less and less of each other and seemed to get on each other's nerves more.

A great thing about marriage is how much you build together. It means so much more to the relationship rather than just a fun evening. Just please please please do not take it for granted.

The message by amerikour is very clear , and every couple should not take it for granted.

 

[samreet]

marrage is something that where two soul share every deep dark secret, every inch of hard time n sweet time with a wise thinking. not like nowdays living being think marrage is something that no secret can be shared which can bring disaster to a couple life or affraid of leaking out their weakness. marrage is something where couple learn by mistakes, sit calmly, think wisely and solve the problem not by aacussing n discreminating by bring their past in n humilating each n other. dear friends, take your life partner as yours not the name sake of it. guru ji knows all our deep dark secret of us, does he hit us back when we run crying to him our problem or does he help us back indeed? think deeply. if guruji would have dont that as we are doing now, no one can be apna to share the problem with,to cry to, to talk to, to laugh with. MARRAGE IS SOMETHING SWEET BUT NOT GIVEN THE RESPECT AS IT SHOULD BE. if i have said anything wrong .. forgive me. but this is what i think.

 

[devinesanative]

Each And Every Word Is Finely Etched......... Nothing is Wrong ......

But If this Could Have Existed "What You See Is What You Get" ....... in Each Human Being .......

Recent Research by the Scientists All over the World Has Amazing Results .

The Research Says "What You See Is What You Get Not"

 

[Wanderer2369]

can one marry between faiths - Jews and sikkhs?

 

[drkhalsa]

Dear Wanderer

Hre is the link that discuss the issue like you just pointed out

http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/sikhphilosophy/sikh-sikhi-sikhism/79-if-sikh-marries-non-sikh.html?highlight=marriage



Jatinder Singh

 

[devinesanative]

If it is belived that the body of a human being is a gift by GOD , Where HE HIMSELF resides , then anyone can marry anyone .

But due to the CONCEPT of DUALITY prevalent in all religion it may not permit.

 

[Amrik Singh]

Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa , Waheguru Ji ke Fateh !

Gurbanis give us a dirrection to follow ,if we lissen and obei Gurbanis we must
atune our mind to Waheguru Will. Do not expect Gurbanis to explain the "Do not do" in detail .Any way the Gurmuk will lissen , the manmuk will not.
The Rehat was originaly just the instructions given by the Panj Piare to those taking Amrit .These instructions were further elaborates by preachers : Akalis ,taxalis or nirmalas in front of the Sanghat.Later rehats and hukamnamas reacted to a particular situation of the time.

About our subject :What is permited and what is prohibited?What is right and what is wrong? SEX OUT OF MARIAGE IS WRONG.Natural Human behaviour is to form a life time bond , long enough to bring up children during
25 or 30 years so any relation before or ouside mariage is detrimental at least
moraly and become a bad habit :the person become caracterless.
There is also a high rate of depression and suissides among young poeple abandon by a partener.The girl reputation may be damage so the family of the boy she want to mary may oppose it. The evel passions ,Kam in this case
is not control normal sexual attraction and marital activity, it is the exess out of control.Guru Gobind Singh Sahib tell : if the absence of sexual attraction make a Sant ,eunukes will be the bighest sants.So any relation involving sexual attraction must be carefuly manage to result in a happy mariage .
If you meet somebody who is not a sikh the first step must be to take the person to the Gurdwara and slowly see that the person is willing to become a Sikh even unformaly and to present he or her to at least part of your family
Modern sikhs consider monogamy as conpulsery, puratan sikhs had often more than one wife ,often marying a widow as a second wife.

 

[carolineislands]

On a really down to earth practical level, I will tell you two things.

One, you may be curious about whether or not the grass is greener on the other side of the fence but when you get over there you'll realize there is no going back and what you had was a lot better than what you went over there to try out. Trust me, there is nothing hotter, more passionate, more exciting and fulfilling in life than a sexual relationship built from a solid, God-centered, mutually respectful marriage. When you get to that point you're head will be spinning and you'll experience things you never knew existed. You will NEVER find that in clandestine, one nighter. NEVER.

Two, there is no pain in this world like being betrayed by the one person in the world you love and trust and with whom you have shared the most intimate secrets of your being. Just know that, when you decide to do that to someone, that they will never ever in this life be the same. You will scar them for the rest of their days on this earth. Know that. And also know that it won't be worth it because the sex just won't be that great. The key phrase to remember is this: 30 minutes of so-so pleasure = a lifetime of pain.

Besides, why eat cheesburger when you have a feast waiting at home? There is nothing like a sexual relationship between two people that are one light in two bodies. Nowhere, Noway.

Temptation is a lie.

 

[carolineislands]

One other note. I asked my husband how he resists temptation. He said he is practical about it. If he sees a beautiful woman he doesn't look long at her and he doesn't allow his mind to dwell on those thoughts. He doesn't ever let himself get into situations that would create a temptation, i.e. he doesn't get into a situation where he knows he would be alone with a woman, he doesn't make female friends (I am his friend and that's enough), and any time he is around females he makes it a point to mention me at least once or twice in the conversation. He keeps personal distance and avoids eye contact or personal conversations.

Just a few tips.

The most important thing is that he and I have a pact. That pact is that, any time either of us find ourselves attracted to someone of the opposite gender we tell each other about it. That is VERY effective.

BTW, we have a FABULOUS marriage and our intimate life is so wonderful neither of us would DARE do anything to risk losing the other's trust.

 

[manbir]

On a really down to earth practical level, I will tell you two things.

One, you may be curious about whether or not the grass is greener on the other side of the fence but when you get over there you'll realize there is no going back and what you had was a lot better than what you went over there to try out. Trust me, there is nothing hotter, more passionate, more exciting and fulfilling in life than a sexual relationship built from a solid, God-centered, mutually respectful marriage. When you get to that point you're head will be spinning and you'll experience things you never knew existed. You will NEVER find that in clandestine, one nighter. NEVER.

Two, there is no pain in this world like being betrayed by the one person in the world you love and trust and with whom you have shared the most intimate secrets of your being. Just know that, when you decide to do that to someone, that they will never ever in this life be the same. You will scar them for the rest of their days on this earth. Know that. And also know that it won't be worth it because the sex just won't be that great. The key phrase to remember is this: 30 minutes of so-so pleasure = a lifetime of pain.

Besides, why eat cheesburger when you have a feast waiting at home? There is nothing like a sexual relationship between two people that are one light in two bodies. Nowhere, Noway.

Temptation is a lie.

Well said

I wish every man and woman reads these line and try to grasp them.

 

[lotus lion]

Hi,

I have been reading this thread and just wanted to add my 2p

I do not feel it is healthy to have sex before marriage, as prescribed by Sikhi.

To being with, one must acknowledge that these desires exist and not be repelled by them to such a degree that one does not speak to women, but at the same time, not acting on impulse to such an extent that one would sleeping around with as many women as possible either.
Both extremes, in my mind at least, are far from healthy.

The middle way, the top of the Bell shaped curve, is the best of both worlds, with slight variations depending on the individual.

Not speaking to women would be surpression of desire and would have a negative effect on the person, coming out in one way shape or form.

Also, the person would feel that they are missing out on something, which in itself has its own problems.

Sleep around and, apart from the diseases that one could be exposing themselves to, there is nothing concrete being built.
I have seen Guys/Girls moving onto one sexual experience to the next, and thats it. After a few years all they have to show for it is... well nothing.

Please also remember, that this is someones Sister, Daughter or Mother even and ask yourself how you would feel if this was your Sister and if this is the right thing to do.
This could be someone's wife oneday and how would you feel if your wife, if you do decide to get married, had done this? Like attracts like.

I think one needs to also look at what effect it would have on your children to know that thier mother/father was sleeping around.

In my mind, children are highly intelligent and they do pick up on these things no matter how hard one tries to hide it as the vast majority of communication is non-verbal.

Then think about how your life would be, trying to control these children in a destructive environment that has been created, as if the childs very own parents are like this, then why should the child not?

....and then move on from there.

My thoughts on the topic,

Lotus Lion

 

[KulwantK]

Sat Nam, Ji!
I have found that if I view everyone as a brother or sister there is no temptation, anyway. We are all family!
Wahe Guru,
Kulwant