Repercussions Of Cutting My Hair

[veerhora]

Let me tell you a bit about myself..
I am a sikh male,25 years old, a software consultant, and in a hell of a dilemma.
25 is not an age when you consider cutting your hair, I have usually seen it in younger people(18-21) is when it usually happens, cause thats when we start dating.
The thing is I like going to Gurudwaras and listening to shabads and doing seva and have spiritual experiences but am not a hardliner.
I trim my beard, coz if I dont I look like I am 37, People actually think that I am my Dad's younger brother.
I have been thinking of making my hair shorter, i.e. not wear a turban for quite a few years now, but never actualized it because
1. It would create unnecessary problems in my already dysfunctional family. My father has /had already renounced me the day I had trimmed my beard(or the day he realized it) , saying that I was a black spot on sikhism and that I actually look like a muslim , (what ever that means coz I have got nothing against muslims, one of my best friends and college room mate was a muslim,)
2. I wasnt sure if this is something I wanted, or was it because I wanted to be accepted socially.

I am not gonna lie, being a sikh has its own perks, you are the natural leader in any group coz you just stand out. It bodes well for Job Interviews at a certain level because I have benefited from the general image of sikhism which is hardworking,loyal etc..

These perks have always made me look the other way, but now I feel like I'm selling my soul or something.

I am portraying to the world something that I may or may not be.
That makes me a hypocrite, which I am not.

The dilemma is this, Do I stop wearing a turban, drastically change my life, face the wrath of my family(father, which is not that big an issue), disappoint my grand parents(this is the show stopper), be true to myself, and lead the life that I have always wanted?
or carry on with the way things are going, be the guy that everyone wonders " what would he look like without the turban", be depressed and have this huge guilt for the rest of eternity and not to talk to other sikh boys coz you dont know if they are hardliners and gonna say something like "sex is bad for your health".

Will I no longer have the same beliefs if I cut off my hair?
Will I no longer be a sikh if I cut off my hair?
Am I becoming a bad person if I cut off my hair?

I am gonna be the same person ain't I, I just don't like the restrictions my religion puts on me and the guilt that comes along with it, Sometimes I feel like a thief, something on which I am still working on.

Don't want to stir up a debate, just being honest in search of other honest people who are undergoing/undergone the same experience that I am...

Please do let me know your views

 

[Kanwaljit.Singh]

Sikhi is not about guilt. It is about your way of life. And most Sikhs want their children to be Sikh too! But the problem.. they don't introduce children to Guru.

Will I no longer have the same beliefs if I cut off my hair?
Will I no longer be a sikh if I cut off my hair?
Am I becoming a bad person if I cut off my hair?

If you are Sikh, who is your Guru? The Tenth Guru clearly said don't cut your hair. But apart from that, there is a lot more Guru Granth Sahib talks about in life. Do we all achieve that? No. Should we stop trying? I don't think so..

Sikhi is not the end of the world for you.. for some people it is. Simple as that..

 

[veerhora]

I really dont get you kind sir. If you could just get rid of the mysticism....

 

[Tejwant Singh]

Veehora ji,

Guru Fateh.

Thanks for being honest and candid. Here is my 2 cent worth in an honest manner.

First, one is not born a Sikh but becomes one. From your post, it seems you have never been a Sikh from the within. You keep your hair and a turban with the trimmed beard for the sake of looking sort of a Sikh and you struggle with it. If anything does not make you happy, then why do it? You should ask yourself this question.

If I were you, I would stop playing this tug of war of unhappiness by keeping a façade of Sikhi. I would find happiness even if I had to cut my hair and bear the wrath of my loved ones. If I have no respect for Sikhi for myself then why should I pretend to be one?

Your beliefs and your journey are for you to set. It is no one’s business.

It seems that you are going to face a lot of backlash from your family. You should prepare yourself for that because happiness is cultivated from the within with the help of outer deeds. I hope your actions do not make you disdain every turban wearing Sikh or Sikhni because your own family is not in favour of your planned actions.

Good luck in your journey and with whatever you decide to do for your own personal growth.

Thank & regards

Tejwant Singh

 

[veerhora]

Thank you for such a clear answer.
I would just like to say that, I do indeed feel like a sikh from within when talking about the sikh values.
Helping the needy , protecting the weak,being a good person are values that define sikhism.
I am just not sure about the external symbolism that goes along with it.
So what I am asking is if I cut my hair, am I not a sikh any more?

 

[singhbj]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

People I know who shaved have actually fallen from grace.

They ended up in bad company - drunkards, druggies, gamblers, lecherous people.

Their reputation, financial standing, family life, spirituality has taken a big dive.

Having a Sikhi saroop is a blessing in disguise.
It stops you from associating with bad Sangat & visiting places filled with vice.

There is reason for establishing Dharam - do's & Don'ts is for our own good.

If you have a steady job then it's time for Marriage.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

P.S - Even westerners make fun of people you don't have beards

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=RmFnarFSj_U&desktop_uri=/watch?v=RmFnarFSj_U

 

[Harry Haller]

Veerhoraji

I am a sikh male,25 years old, a software consultant, and in a hell of a dilemma.

This is not a dilemna, this is family politics, nothing more, trying to work out whether one should pay for new shock absorbers or carpet the house, now thats a dilemna.

The thing is I like going to Gurudwaras and listening to shabads and doing seva and have spiritual experiences but am not a hardliner.

wow, you sound like quite a Sikh. When you say you are not a hardliner, do you mean you do not walk around with a permanent grimace telling everyone else how short they fall of Sikhism?

I trim my beard, coz if I dont I look like I am 37, People actually think that I am my Dad's younger brother.

I have always had this problem, when I was younger, I was constantly mistaken for my Dads younger brother, now that I am older, balder, fatter and greyer, I get mistaken for his older brother...., the fact that I am bald and grey, and he is turbanned and not, causes much amusement.

I have been thinking of making my hair shorter, i.e. not wear a turban for quite a few years now, but never actualized it because
1. It would create unnecessary problems in my already dysfunctional family. My father has /had already renounced me the day I had trimmed my beard(or the day he realized it) , saying that I was a black spot on sikhism and that I actually look like a muslim , (what ever that means coz I have got nothing against muslims, one of my best friends and college room mate was a muslim,)

Your father is one of those that puts more emphasis on looks than what is going on inside, actually, it is quite common in Sikhism, you can go whoring, drinking, take drugs, and generally behave like a complete *******, but the minute you talk about cutting your hair, all hell breaks loose. Similarly, you could be the biggest saint on this earth, but to some people, unless you have a complete physcial look of a Sikh, none of it matters.

2. I wasnt sure if this is something I wanted, or was it because I wanted to be accepted socially.

I was not accepted socially when I had my hair, not that it mattered, I had plenty of girlfriends, all of them fell for me as a Sikh, in fact, upto the point I had cut my hair, I had slept with 99% of the total number of women in my life, in fact, after the hair cutting, my success rate was nowhere near as good. Although I am talking about women here, you can carry this to any facet of life, in simple terms, you have more confidence with a turban, you feel whole, you feel different, but thats ok too, who wants to assimilate into society, be the quiet one in the corner, I needed that turban, it was part of who I was.

These perks have always made me look the other way, but now I feel like I'm selling my soul or something.

I felt that way when I sold my beloved classic LSE Range Rover, I had that car for years, it practically defined me, it was such a visual car, everyone knew whose it was, and the day I had to sell it, I felt I had lost my soul. I put it to you having read your post that if you do cut your hair, you probably will feel like you have sold your soul.

I am portraying to the world something that I may or may not be.
That makes me a hypocrite, which I am not.

You like sewa, listening to Kirtan, you have had spiritual experiences, you are clearly not a hypocrite, I cut my hair because I was a huge hypocrite, the truth is, I did not want to, but I had no choice, I was bringing the turban into disrepute, the looks I got when I was drinking, womanising, gambling, were shock that such a nice turbanned gentleman could be up to so much mischief.

The dilemma is this, Do I stop wearing a turban, drastically change my life, face the wrath of my family(father, which is not that big an issue), disappoint my grand parents(this is the show stopper), be true to myself, and lead the life that I have always wanted?

absolutely! although I guarantee you you will not find it any life worth living! Anyone who accepts you now that you have a sexy haircut, are they actually worth anything? If you decide to grow your hair again, will all your new found friends leave you? as for being true to yourself, why cannot you be true to yourself in a turban? I was! and I was a bigger lost case than you!

or carry on with the way things are going, be the guy that everyone wonders " what would he look like without the turban", be depressed and have this huge guilt for the rest of eternity and not to talk to other sikh boys coz you dont know if they are hardliners and gonna say something like "sex is bad for your health".

I think people have better things to do with their time than wonder what other people would look like without turbans., the truth is, no one really cares, everyone has their own problems, but to answer your questions,

Will I no longer have the same beliefs if I cut off my hair?

unfortunately you will not, as soon as you have cut your hair, you will have a firm belief that God is actually a BMW X5, in canary yellow, with pink tyres. You will also find your entire thought process is in spanish, and you will keep chanting in mandarin.

Will I no longer be a sikh if I cut off my hair?

again, unfortunately not, everyone knows that to be a good Sikh, you must have long hair, to even ask this question is ridiculous.

Am I becoming a bad person if I cut off my hair?

yes, in fact, as we speak, angels are gathering in hell right now, ready to pay you a visit and stick sharp objects up your bottom,. you have commited the worst sin possible, you have cut your hair!

I am gonna be the same person ain't I, I just don't like the restrictions my religion puts on me and the guilt that comes along with it, Sometimes I feel like a thief, something on which I am still working on.

no, you will not, after the sharp objects, you will slowly morph into a meerkat. BTW its not your religion that is restricting you, nor giving you guilt, its your family.

Please do let me know your views

My views............

Find out more about Sikhism, not the Sikhism that you meet and see every day, but the core of Sikhism. The core of Sikhism has nothing to do with hair, or appearance, it is to do with how you conduct yourself, how you speak, how you make other people feel, how you make other inhabitants of this earth feel, it is about living correctly, truthfully, about being above, the latest haircut, or the lastest fashions, caring how others see you, none of it matters, these are childish thoughts, but they are thoughts from a lack of information, so read, browse, learn, and once you feel you have a better grip on Sikhism, then make a decision. Once you have learned about the insides of a Sikh, then you can worry about the outsides. The hair is a statement to the world that you are a Sikh, it is as important as the stars on a generals chest. But if you are not a general, there is little point pretending. From what I can glean from your mail, you risk losing a huge portion of yourself if you cut your hair, what you gain will be insignificant compared to what you will lose. You seem to have the heart of a Sikh, you just need to educate yourself a bit more.

 

[Rory]

^ Possibly the best reply to "this" kind of question that I've seen while on SPN. Bravo Harryji articulate and funny as usual.

Find out more about Sikhism, not the Sikhism that you meet and see every day, but the core of Sikhism. The core of Sikhism has nothing to do with hair, or appearance, it is to do with how you conduct yourself, how you speak, how you make other people feel, how you make other inhabitants of this earth feel, it is about living correctly, truthfully, about being above, the latest haircut, or the lastest fashions, caring how others see you, none of it matters, these are childish thoughts, but they are thoughts from a lack of information, so read, browse, learn, and once you feel you have a better grip on Sikhism, then make a decision.

People come here with the haircut question expecting a simple answer but there's more to it. From what I've read, I think Sikhism is the one religion where it seems people can be living in it for years and years without coming close to realizing the point of it. I'm glad I found this forum where it seems like there's a good group of people aspiring to be Gursikhs, rather than maybe travelling to the gurudwara in Dublin and meeting a whole community of your "average" Sikh.
Whenever someone comes here asking a question they always walk away with more knowledge than they intended, myself included. Thanks to people like Harryji, Tejwantji etc. etc. for making that the case

 

[spnadmin]

rory ji

Please don't give up the goal of going to gurdwara once in a while. It is a wonderful experience. And because you live a distance you do have a shield from the politics and problems you read about here. A lot of that is behind the scenes and does not affect all in the same way.

 

[Rory]

I'll remember that spnadminji and I do plan to go to gurudwara soon As soon as I make arrangements to do so, hopefully soon after my 18th birthday in May, I'll probably post a thread asking for advice etc., with whatever questions pop up from now until then.

I'll leave this for now to avoid hijacking the thread topic :icecreammunda:

 

[itsmaneet]

Such long discussion on the basic quest ....

Veerhora ji, you'll have the answer on visiting Shri Anandpur Sahib Ji. Kindly do go there if haven't gone yet ....

Gurfateh !

 

[SpiritualSingh]

Inner Sikhi matters lot more than outer Sikhi alone.

 

[Luckysingh]

I'm a little different here because I have been a mona all my life and have only recently kept my hair. I have grown it for nearly 2 years now and in all honesty I feel more spiritual !!:interestedsingh:
In fact, I have estabilished a connection with my khes, a little like how rastafarians define it as the 'antennae' to tune into God.
I have only recently learned to tie a turban and am still trying to settle on my style ?

What made me grow it ???
Well, it wasn't because of sikhism, it was more because I started to feel spiritual for the first time in my life.Since then I have also focused on sikhi and gotten closer to it as well as simran and meditation.
I have not achieved anything constructive in my livelihood since and I don't have much interest either!:grinningsingh:
But spiritually, I have come a very long way from where I was a few years ago.
I never plannned on having a turban and neither did I ever confirm to myself or anyone that I am growing it. I just felt attached to it and completely lost the urge to cut it, so I just let it grow millimetres to inches at a time.
Even when I was tying it in a ponytail, I never thought that I would be able to learn to
do a turban. But it all fell in place nicely and I am still working at it with confidence.
I hope that this magnetism and attachment stays and that I never get the urge to cut it because when I look in the mirror, I see a completely different person and this helps because I also feel like a completely different person.

 

[Tejwant Singh]

I'm a little different here because I have been a mona all my life and have only recently kept my hair. I have grown it for nearly 2 years now and in all honesty I feel more spiritual !!:interestedsingh:
In fact, I have estabilished a connection with my khes, a little like how rastafarians define it as the 'antennae' to tune into God.
I have only recently learned to tie a turban and am still trying to settle on my style ?

What made me grow it ???
Well, it wasn't because of sikhism, it was more because I started to feel spiritual for the first time in my life.Since then I have also focused on sikhi and gotten closer to it as well as simran and meditation.
I have not achieved anything constructive in my livelihood since and I don't have much interest either!:grinningsingh:
But spiritually, I have come a very long way from where I was a few years ago.
I never plannned on having a turban and neither did I ever confirm to myself or anyone that I am growing it. I just felt attached to it and completely lost the urge to cut it, so I just let it grow millimetres to inches at a time.
Even when I was tying it in a ponytail, I never thought that I would be able to learn to
do a turban. But it all fell in place nicely and I am still working at it with confidence.
I hope that this magnetism and attachment stays and that I never get the urge to cut it because when I look in the mirror, I see a completely different person and this helps because I also feel like a completely different person.

Lucky Ji,

Guru Fateh.

Thanks for sharing this heart warming story. This is a great achievement gotten with lots of inner and outer efforts.

There is an old saying, " God can move mountains". Many people do not have the inkling that this "mountain" is what we call heart.

I commend you for what you have done and I am certain you will enjoy this long and winding scenic route of life.

Thanks and regards

Tejwant Singh

 

[Kanwaljit.Singh]

I'm a little different here because I have been a mona all my life and have only recently kept my hair. I have grown it for nearly 2 years now and in all honesty I feel more spiritual !!

All this while I have been afraid someone would acknowledge the fact !!

 

[SpiritualSingh]

I'm a little different here because I have been a mona all my life and have only recently kept my hair. I have grown it for nearly 2 years now and in all honesty I feel more spiritual !!

If growing hair and beard alone makes a person more Spiritual ,then Badal, Manmohan,Paramjit Sarna, Capt Amarinder are highly spiritual people.

 

[Harry Haller]

If growing hair and beard alone makes a person more Spiritual ,then Badal, Manmohan,Paramjit Sarna, Capt Amarinder are highly spiritual people.

you mean they are not???????

If you read my dear Veerji's post again, you will note that he is not attempting to grow hair just for lip service. No one is lauding the concept of hair for the sake of spirituality, it goes deeper than that, I , as a mona, understand it, others understand it, as can be clearly seen.

Growing hair just for the sake of it, or to keep the peace, or to complete your 'look' is all pointless. But growing hair, when you have the heart of someone like Luckyji, opens up a whole new dimension of spirituality, how? I dont know, I am not there yet, but once you have that heart, that connection, as I suspected, the hair becomes vitally important,

Luckyji, I am proud of you, if you were here I would give you a big bear hug!

 

[SpiritualSingh]

Lucky is on the right path because he is a Sikh from both outside and inside

 

[Tejwant Singh]

Inner Sikhi matters lot more than outer Sikhi alone.

Spiritual Singh ji,

Guru Fateh.

Let me ask you a question or two.

1. Are you a Mona?

2. Please elaborate your above claim with your personal examples rather than prejudging others whom you do not know.

Will wait for your response.

Tejwant Singh

 

[SpiritualSingh]

I am a turbaned Sikh with Kes .

I am just against the Definition of Sikh that, Beard and Kes alone makes a Sikh,although it is an important aspect of Sikhi but inner spiritual values that Guru Granth Sahib teaches us is not even counted towards the definition of a Sikh.

Bani is more important than Bana, but when I say this, people take it as Bana is not important only bani is which is not my point,see the word "alone" in my previous statement.

I hope you got my point.