i waant to be same as i was before..
i had amritvela/ had sangat/ had bandagi..
now just have vikaar
nothing else..
please help me
You will surely overcome this obstacle in your life. You are not the first to face it and will certainly not be the last. Make a resolution to conquer this issue and in the future you can be a role model to young Amritdhari men who are going through the same challenges.
To begin, do not let yourself be destroyed by the guilt. You must be feeling very terrible right now, but in order to make progress and really get rid of this habit, you will need all your mental and psychological resources. You must learn and understand what's going on in your mind and body, and not just be a slave to animal instincts. Guilt is an emotion which is there to send a message to you that you have violated your own standards. So acknowledge it, learn from it, repair what is broken and move on. It won't do you or anyone else any good to wallow in guilt or get depressed. If you really love Guru Sahib, and you really want to follow him, then it's time to get smart, get prepared to do whatever it takes, and to take action.
Think about what kind of person you want to be. Someday in the future you might be married, and have children. Imagine yourself now, in this condition, ravaged and beaten by lust, completely defeated. How do you think your son or daughter would view someone like this? Would they look up to such a man? Would they honor and respect him? Or would they be disgusted and ashamed? Which do you want?
Lust destroys everything in your life. Would your future wife feel proud of you if she saw you now, visiting the massage parlors? Would you be a hero in her eyes, or would she be disappointed, ashamed, saddened, let down? Just because you haven't met her yet doesn't mean she doesn't exist. She is somewhere, perhaps completing her studies, or working. Eventually you will meet. When you do, what kind of man do you want her to see?
Even though you may not be married or have any children now, these are all possibilities and potential for your future. Potential which you are destroying every time you engage in lust. It's not because of a lack of career/job that you can't get married. It's because of this lust. It will destroy everything in your life.
As others have pointed out, Gurbani has a lot to say on this subject. Spend some time reading from Gurbani and you will see this for yourself. Guru Sahib says that for a moment of sexual pleasure, a mortal will have to suffer for millions of days. [SGGS, Ang 403, shabad is copied below]
Think about what you really want in your life. Loving spouse. Family, children, good career/business. In order to achieve all those things, you must begin now. If you keep on engaging in lust, you will soon find that the days of your life and running short, and that you will have achieved nothing of what you really want.
Become a Sikh that your future wife will be proud of, someone she honors and admires and respects. And become that kind of man whom your children will be proud to call their father.
You have the best guidance in the world. Remember that Guru Sahib is ever-forgiving, we cannot even fathom the depth of their mercy. Do Ardas from your heart for Guru Sahib to help you, and then take specific action steps to deal with this issue of lust in your life. It will be a struggle, as is it for every man, but without the struggle, there cannot be any victory. You must emerge victorious. Guru Sahib says in Japji Sahib, "Man jeetai jag jeet". Conquer your mind. This is the most difficult task. But this is what you must do. Your whole life depends on it.
You are not alone. And even though it may seem hopeless to you right now, there is a way to do this. And you can succeed. You really can.
And if you have any doubt, just remember the story of the great warrior Bhai Joga Singh. Guru Sahib himself came to protect him. Guru Sahib will also protect you. Have some faith.
If you want concrete, specific action steps, you can start with these:
1. Study the Rehat, and notice how it prescribes the daily routine ("Nit-nem"). Make a concrete decision to follow this schedule. Wake up as early as your can every day and read the panj bania. In the evening, read Rehraas Sahib, and at night before sleeping, recite the Sohila. Do Ardas to thank Guru Sahib for assisting you at all times. The more times in a day you are reading Bani, the more it will help you by keeping your mind focused.
2. Write down some near-term (<1 month) and longer term (1 year, 5 years, 10 years) goals. Think about what you want in life. Life is fleeting. Soon, you will be an old man. Do you want to come to old age and realize that you had just wasted your life away in Lust? When you have your goals written down, immediately start taking action to achieve them, even small tiny steps. Any step forward is progress. Be determined. Your time is now, there is no tomorrow. Don't get sidetracked or distracted. Focus. Build your future. If you fail at a task, learn from it, and try again. Don't give up.
3. Do things to improve yourself. Exercise, eat better (more healthy foods), meditate more. Help people who are less fortunate than you. Do seva. Start in the Gurudwara if you don't know where else to go.
4. Change the group of people you are hanging out with. Find some GurSikhs and try to spend some time with them. Ask them about Sikhi, learn about our history and Guru Sahib's lives. Learn.
If you find yourself making progress and then backsliding (one step forward, two steps back), don't beat yourself up. Pick yourself up, learn from what what wrong, and try again. Keep trying. Don't ever give up. The 5 thieves are cunning and they will tie a man down and rob him of everything worthwhile in life. And when the time comes to leave this Earth, they will disappear and leave him bereft and in total misery.
Read as much Gurbani as you can. Make sincere efforts to understand it. You will learn not only how to conquer the 5 thieves, but Guru Sahib will give you the meaning of life itself. Who else can be so benevolent and loving?
I hope this helps you. If you have any questions, please ask.
Guru Sahib kirpa karan.
[AoG]
ਆਸਾ ਮਹਲਾ ੫ ॥
Aasaa, Fifth Mehl:
ਨਿਮਖ ਕਾਮ ਸੁਆਦ ਕਾਰਣਿ ਕੋਟਿ ਦਿਨਸ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਵਹਿ ॥
For a moment of sexual pleasure, you shall suffer in pain for millions of days.
ਘਰੀ ਮੁਹਤ ਰੰਗ ਮਾਣਹਿ ਫਿਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਬਹੁਰਿ ਪਛੁਤਾਵਹਿ ॥੧॥
For an instant, you may savor pleasure, but afterwards, you shall regret it, again and again. ||1||
ਅੰਧੇ ਚੇਤਿ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਰਾਇਆ ॥
O blind man, meditate on the Lord, the Lord, your King.
ਤੇਰਾ ਸੋ ਦਿਨੁ ਨੇੜੈ ਆਇਆ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
Your day is drawing near. ||1||Pause||
ਪਲਕ ਦ੍ਰਿਸਟਿ ਦੇਖਿ ਭੂਲੋ ਆਕ ਨੀਮ ਕੋ ਤੂੰਮਰੁ ॥
You are deceived, beholding with your eyes, the bitter melon and swallow-wort.
ਜੈਸਾ ਸੰਗੁ ਬਿਸੀਅਰ ਸਿਉ ਹੈ ਰੇ ਤੈਸੋ ਹੀ ਇਹੁ ਪਰ ਗ੍ਰਿਹੁ ॥੨॥
But, like the companionship of a poisonous snake, so is the desire for another's spouse. ||2||
ਬੈਰੀ ਕਾਰਣਿ ਪਾਪ ਕਰਤਾ ਬਸਤੁ ਰਹੀ ਅਮਾਨਾ ॥
For the sake of your enemy, you commit sins, while you neglect the reality of your faith.
ਛੋਡਿ ਜਾਹਿ ਤਿਨ ਹੀ ਸਿਉ ਸੰਗੀ ਸਾਜਨ ਸਿਉ ਬੈਰਾਨਾ ॥੩॥
Your friendship is with those who abandon you, and you are angry with your friends. ||3||
ਸਗਲ ਸੰਸਾਰੁ ਇਹੈ ਬਿਧਿ ਬਿਆਪਿਓ ਸੋ ਉਬਰਿਓ ਜਿਸੁ ਗੁਰੁ ਪੂਰਾ ॥
The entire world is entangled in this way; he alone is saved, who has the Perfect Guru.
ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਭਵ ਸਾਗਰੁ ਤਰਿਓ ਭਏ ਪੁਨੀਤ ਸਰੀਰਾ ॥੪॥੫॥੧੨੭॥
Says Nanak, I have crossed over the terrifying world-ocean; my body has become sanctified. ||4||5||127||
