Want To Marry With Cousin

[Harpreet Singhh]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

Have you actually tried living without her? I bet in 2 months you can forget her. Just give it a try. No calls, no meeting, no text/emails.

Kanwaljit singh g our love is not ordinary, i cant gorget her even for a single second, i told u that we are in love since our childhood!
I also want to tell u that we are not in contact with each other more than 2 months, but we are not able to forget each other! Every place every season remind me about her. Its easy for me to die for each other but live without each other is not!

 

[Harkiran Kaur]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

Kanwaljit singh g our love is not ordinary, i cant gorget her even for a single second, i told u that we are in love since our childhood!
I also want to tell u that we are not in contact with each other more than 2 months, but we are not able to forget each other! Every place every season remind me about her. Its easy for me to die for each other but live without each other is not!

This is my own personal opinion, but I don't think this will work. There are negative thoughts evoked by this sort of arrangement all over the world. Your family will likely never accept it. There are reasons that people dislike this, some even repulsed by it. I believe it's ingrained in humans to feel that way, because there are definite and proven genetic problems if two blood family members have a child. Maybe a sort of species protective mechanism is to have a built in repulsion to something that could result in serious birth defects etc. Since the whole purpose of marriage is to have a family (for the majority anyway), then I can't see this working.

If however, you can not live without her, and it is not against law where you are (it is against the law here) my personal advice would be to always practice birth control and never have a child together (biologically anyway). Instead, maybe look at adopting a child or using something like IVF with a donor father. Either way, you will have to one day explain to your child why you and your wife's parents are siblings. Or... possibly have no kids at all together. But I would not try to have biological children with a first cousin. The chance is too high of serious birth defects.

Personally, I would never consider this at all..... no matter what you feel. I understand that you have strong feelings for each other... but maybe you can channel those feelings into a strong family bond.... as cousins... instead of romantically. You can certainly still care for each other, see each other, and be in each others lives. And when each of you get married, both of your families can become close as well. Nobody says you have to stop caring all together. Just maybe try to look at those feelings as the sort of love you would have for your Mother or sister.

Anyway, wish you the best...

 

[Harpreet Singhh]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

This is my own personal opinion, but I don't think this will work. There are negative thoughts evoked by this sort of arrangement all over the world. Your family will likely never accept it. There are reasons that people dislike this, some even repulsed by it. I believe it's ingrained in humans to feel that way, because there are definite and proven genetic problems if two blood family members have a child. Maybe a sort of species protective mechanism is to have a built in repulsion to something that could result in serious birth defects etc. Since the whole purpose of marriage is to have a family (for the majority anyway), then I can't see this working.

If however, you can not live without her, and it is not against law where you are (it is against the law here) my personal advice would be to always practice birth control and never have a child together (biologically anyway). Instead, maybe look at adopting a child or using something like IVF with a donor father. Either way, you will have to one day explain to your child why you and your wife's parents are siblings. Or... possibly have no kids at all together. But I would not try to have biological children with a first cousin. The chance is too high of serious birth defects.

Personally, I would never consider this at all..... no matter what you feel. I understand that you have strong feelings for each other... but maybe you can channel those feelings into a strong family bond.... as cousins... instead of romantically. You can certainly still care for each other, see each other, and be in each others lives. And when each of you get married, both of your families can become close as well. Nobody says you have to stop caring all together. Just maybe try to look at those feelings as the sort of love you would have for your Mother or sister.

Anyway, wish you the best...

ok! I agree with your biological reason but other castes like khatris allowes the cousine marriages in their family so there is nothing happen on the name of defective child? They dont know about this biological effect?
In muslim community or in south india it is common!

 

[Harry Haller]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

ok! I agree with your biological reason but other castes like khatris allowes the cousine marriages in their family so there is nothing happen on the name of defective child? They dont know about this biological effect?
In muslim community or in south india it is common!

actually, you can add european royalty to that

 

[Harkiran Kaur]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

ok! I agree with your biological reason but other castes like khatris allowes the cousine marriages in their family so there is nothing happen on the name of defective child? They dont know about this biological effect?
In muslim community or in south india it is common!

I wouldn't say that they don't know about it... more that they just don't acknowledge it.

Quoted from an article:
"British Pakistanis, half of whom marry a first cousin, are 13 times more likely to produce children with genetic disorders than the general population, according to Government-sponsored research."
and
"A doctor told me that one Pakistani family believed it was the will of Allah, because doctors were doing the wrong thing or the mother was a bad woman."

So I think that the defects are just being ignored or blamed on other things like the above quote... believing that the defect is the 'will of Allah' rather than looking into the close blood relations as being the cause.

13 times more likely to have defects is a big enough risk that I would never chance it. Do you think you could easily raise a deaf or blind child, or one with mental disabilities, or serious physical disabilities?

Understand that I am not comdemning your choice... its yours to make. But if you chose to go that path just know there are consequences, and at least one of them... the possibility of birth defects... is preventable to you by either adopting or using a donor father and invitro fertilization.


Read more of the above mentioned article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ic-defects-parents-cousins.html#ixzz290RG3ugs

 

[Harpreet Singhh]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

I wouldn't say that they don't know about it... more that they just don't acknowledge it.

Quoted from an article:
"British Pakistanis, half of whom marry a first cousin, are 13 times more likely to produce children with genetic disorders than the general population, according to Government-sponsored research."
and
"A doctor told me that one Pakistani family believed it was the will of Allah, because doctors were doing the wrong thing or the mother was a bad woman."

So I think that the defects are just being ignored or blamed on other things like the above quote... believing that the defect is the 'will of Allah' rather than looking into the close blood relations as being the cause.

13 times more likely to have defects is a big enough risk that I would never chance it. Do you think you could easily raise a deaf or blind child, or one with mental disabilities, or serious physical disabilities?

Understand that I am not comdemning your choice... its yours to make. But if you chose to go that path just know there are consequences, and at least one of them... the possibility of birth defects... is preventable to you by either adopting or using a donor father and invitro fertilization.


Read more of the above mentioned article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ic-defects-parents-cousins.html#ixzz290RG3ugs

ok mam i agree with ur opinion and i dont want our child and i will choose the other path as u told! But it is very defficult to convince our family members what will i do???? I love her alot that i cant explain it!

 

[kds1980]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

I wouldn't say that they don't know about it... more that they just don't acknowledge it.

Quoted from an article:
"British Pakistanis, half of whom marry a first cousin, are 13 times more likely to produce children with genetic disorders than the general population, according to Government-sponsored research."
and
"A doctor told me that one Pakistani family believed it was the will of Allah, because doctors were doing the wrong thing or the mother was a bad woman."

So I think that the defects are just being ignored or blamed on other things like the above quote... believing that the defect is the 'will of Allah' rather than looking into the close blood relations as being the cause.

13 times more likely to have defects is a big enough risk that I would never chance it. Do you think you could easily raise a deaf or blind child, or one with mental disabilities, or serious physical disabilities?

Understand that I am not comdemning your choice... its yours to make. But if you chose to go that path just know there are consequences, and at least one of them... the possibility of birth defects... is preventable to you by either adopting or using a donor father and invitro fertilization.


Read more of the above mentioned article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ic-defects-parents-cousins.html#ixzz290RG3ugs

Akasha ji

My cousin brothers are product of cousin marriage and both of them are 6 feet plus with super fit health.One of them even represented India at junior level in sports.On the other hand my parents were not even related to each other and yet My late sister ,me and my younger brother are born with poor health with heredatory disorders.

 

[Harkiran Kaur]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

Akasha ji

My cousin brothers are product of cousin marriage and both of them are 6 feet plus with super fit health.One of them even represented India at junior level in sports.On the other hand my parents were not even related to each other and yet My late sister ,me and my younger brother are born with poor health with heredatory disorders.

I would say then that your cousin brothers were lucky and your sister and younger brother were not. An increased chance does not mean 100%... it means that there is a definite risk. It's like the lottery,.... some will win, some won't. I would prefer not to take the chance. When there is such an increased risk, and people have the choice to prevent it alltogether, then why not try to prevent it? And as for people born not of blood relative marriages, there exists genetic and other disorders as we all know. The difference is that ones caused by blood relations can be prevented.

Mind you, I could never imagine having relations with a blood relative at all though. It would just feel very very wrong to me.

 

[Luckysingh]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

The answer depend on which caste do you belong? If these type of marriages happened in your caste then may be it is not a problem for you

Well I never really knew that.
It's all news for me, being a 3rd generation Brit so distant from Grandparents roots in India.
What casts actually allow this and which ones strictly forbid for that matter ??

 

[kds1980]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

Well I never really knew that.
It's all news for me, being a 3rd generation Brit so distance from Grandparents roots in India.
What casts actually allow this and which ones strictly forbid for that matter ??

In Arora's and Khatri's it was very common practice 1-2 generations back though now it is quite rare .May be one of the possible reason could have been our families were living in deep Pakistan with very small population so possibly they were influenced by their culture.

I think among Jatts and other castes this practice is forbidden and seen as something wrong

 

[Harpreet Singhh]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

In Arora's and Khatri's it was very common practice 1-2 generations back though now it is quite rare .May be one of the possible reason could have been our families were living in deep Pakistan with very small population so possibly they were influenced by their culture.

I think among Jatts and other castes this practice is forbidden and seen as something wrong

But sir i want to marry her, i cant live without her! I am like a dead body without her.......! I feel very lonely in absence of her how ever i am surrounded by a number of people or family members! What will i do now?

 

[Kaur 1968]

harpreet, it seems you are sick. you need a medical treatment for your brain. i strongley advise you to get medical consultation ASAP, before you think about anything else
sorry for my harsh advice

good luck

 

[Harry Haller]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousin

But sir i want to marry her, i cant live without her! I am like a dead body without her.......! I feel very lonely in absence of her how ever i am surrounded by a number of people or family members! What will i do now?

Ok, I know I was a bit mocking with the doggie post, but in all truth, I do understand how you feel. I think Akasha Bhenji has given sterling advice, but I will point out that you are young, and when you are young things change very quickly including feelings.

I do not think you are sick, I think you are in love, or maybe even in lust, but is it enough to conquer all? You must look at the situation with a clear head, think of yourself, her, your family, and then make a decision.

Good luck

 

[Harpreet Singhh]

Want to Marry with Cousine

Waheguru ji da khalsa
Waheguru ji di fateh!

I need urs valuable guidance about my problem please help me!
I am from India from Sikh jatt community, i want to marry my mom's brother's daughter is it legal or Sikhism allows us to do this ? She also loves me a lot & care each other. We are in love from our childhood we want to marry each other & we cant live without each other ! I don not want to disobey my parents but without her i feel very lonely & like a dead body !
Is it possible to marry her according to Sikh maryada ?
Our family members wont accept our relationship what will we do now ?
Please suggest us something,Please help us!

 

[Randip Singh]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousine

I think you need to re-evaluate your life.

If you want children with a higher chance of deformity, then carry on.

If you wish to marry outside social norms then carry one.

If you wish to cause problems in your own family then carry on.

If youn wishh to live a good life, with humility, not guided by Kaam, and Hankaar, then do not do it.

Move on and find someone else.

 

[Harpreet Singhh]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousine

I think you need to re-evaluate your life.

If you want children with a higher chance of deformity, then carry on.

If you wish to marry outside social norms then carry one.

If you wish to cause problems in your own family then carry on.

If youn wishh to live a good life, with humility, not guided by Kaam, and Hankaar, then do not do it.

Move on and find someone else.

I agreed with your suggestion little bit, but sir i cant forget her even for a single second, i cant live without each other, i am gonna mad without her because i love her a lot. I am a like a dead body with out her with no emotions. What will i do now ! I cry daily & think of committing suicide!

 

[Parma]

Re: Want to Marry with Cousine

I agreed with your suggestion little bit, but sir i cant forget her even for a single second, i cant live without each other, i am gonna mad without her because i love her a lot. I am a like a dead body with out her with no emotions. What will i do now ! I cry daily & think of committing suicide!

What a weak person you are, I dont have any sympathy or respect for you now, I dont care how much life throws at you suicide is never an option, no one has an easy life, you think your the only human who has ever experienced love listen to Kabir and Guru Nanak, they never ended their lives in there persute of love they embraced love and endured, and you wanting to end it over your sister makes you look even more pathetic! I think that is your problem your a weak individual who can not control his own emotions and feelings. How you going to cope with married life man. Live up to your problems over come them be an adult!

 

[gurleenkaur90]

If u love sumone the most important thing is the happiness of the loved oone,,, so do u think that she wil be happyy without u??? Suicide isnt the solution
and one thing more if u truly love sumone u automatically hav the courage to fight with world to get that person...
Rest is what waheguru wants.,,, no one can predict future.. May be ur family agree to marriage...

 

[Luckysingh]

Are you actually planning to take your own life only, or are you both gonna do it together like some mythological couple of love birds ?all


On a very lighter note with no offence intended....
..Just think, all that rift and upset that you will cause to the family members by getting married.
This would end up even worse and leave you with a greater difficulty reconciling the families if you were ever to want a divorce in the future !!!!

 

[Kanwaljit.Singh]

Dude you are young. You will fall in love again. You can find another life partner. Why do you want to settle within family. Why do you want to marry your sister i.e. your mama Ji's daughter. I have seen couples. In 'love'. And suddenly one of them will leave the other as they find a more handsome or beautiful partner. With time love will be just another reason to stay together. Stop trying to prove your point and be wise. Not for the society. But for the big time anguish you will be causing your parents and her parents, who are your mama mami not strangers. In the end I would say do what u want to. Even if it means marrying your cousin sister. Because if you kill yourself, you will not realize the impact.