Have you ever wondered what the world would be like without you?.
Beautiful to have come, beautiful to stay and see, but tragically - also beautiful to leave..
You begin life assuming you are the chosen one. That you have a higher purpose. Then you shockingly realise that we are all just random beings without any real purpose.
The frustration infests and corrodes your very being as soon as you realise that life is all just a random nothingness and truly meaningless.
But, once MORE - you are proven wrong again, when you find meaning at the dead end...
“At exactly which point did your idea of exploring yourself and the world begin with
www...?” lol - No, luckily mine began before this gadget era.i meant travelling to raw nature devoid of destruction as yet. No phone no camera etc, a trip for yourself and not a travelogue to post and boast of.
On a field trip with a freind i volunteered alongwith - to a non-descript hamlet off the map. The hamlet lies in the eastern ghats deep inside the forest and is off the grid. My 120 detuned metal horses gave up after two stream crossings. After all, the mortal clan eventually has to rightly surrender and get humbled by nature, as always. We trekked the last 6 kms to reach the village. The trek path lit by the waning moon that played hide and seek with us, the drizzle that washed away our unwarranted mortal fears. The silhouette of the huts appeared as we sat down to shed off our weariness on the cliff. One last stream and we would reach our destination.
The stream felt paralysing cold. But I had to cleanse myself. He refused a desk job with a big organisation to volunteer for peanuts in this god-forsaken place.
We often had soul talk between us. A borderless world, a moneyless society, dreams, lol. He often told me that the world would be so better off as a big Gurudwara. Nobody would go hungry and nobody would be homeless. He is a devout Christian and I am a ' longing but scared to be sikh'. But we get along well. I would not go into the travelogue details else I would digress from the main issue at hand.
I just have some doubts. How do you folks cope with these eddie's in your lives?. I am sure I can find some inspiration from someone out there.
I never loved money, in fact i detest it. I feel all should share equally no holds barred. Love doom metal for its spiritual overtones. Spent a lot of my life living off my backpack in bermudas and sandals, lol - and in the lap of mommy nature.
Had my share of downs too. Lost my career due to a chip installed in my weak heart after two heart strokes at sea. Had to be airlifted by the brave Marines in a storm. Three years now with an ICD and jobless but I never lost my sanity. I can't walk half a mile now without collapsing but funnily I trekked, rode, drove to the highest motorable roads in the world thrice, lol, so No regrets.
What I want to know is that the world, money, power-display, status in society etc never made sense to me ever but now I find them repulsive, this strong hatred.
I lived a while offgrid for close to 3 months and find true peace away from the mortal clan.
But the Guru requires that we stay in Maya and conquer it. I can't do that. The world makes sense or dosent, simple. It never did to me. Now all I see is a endless oceans of fools and feel sorry that they flash their stupidity around. Why can't they stop and listen to the Guru for a minute?.
With each day the man made society seems meaningless and now it's bordering on hate.
How does one live in this muck and still keep ones focus intact??
Personally I like my cabin in the middle of nowhere and were it not for the Amritvela Simran at the Gurudwara I would spend more time there.
Sikhism is tough, so tough at times. I think I will need the strength of the Amrit and the sanctuary of the 5 kakars- to keep my sanity intact.
My better half balances both her worldly and spiritual life so well. Why am I lost? Why can't I be a moderate? and balance life as well??.
Are we men so weak??.
Why does the superficial worldly life hold no meaning and seems so full of vile suddenly??
I am not even a Sikh yet and this storm rages so hard. Will the Amrit intensify or subdue this confusion?. I am truly thirsty I swear but I want to get my indifference to society under control as it feels more strong and meaningless each day.
Why is the same world that I kept at bay with my indifference not so long ago seem so spiteful suddenly. A world that I ignored for so long is getting on my nerves, lol - it's funny but kind of creepy at times too.
As a sailor and by nature i feel strongly for or against things. The first thing ingrained into us before we take command at sea is that we MUST MAKE a desicion. Right or wrong does not matter. MAKE a desicion is all that counts. And once a desicion is made stick to it come hell or high water. As a landlubber now do I discard the sea logic ingrained in me.
I can see no beauty in mortal society or its way of life. We "buy" earth!! A real estate bargain?? What else is slaughter?? Trade our mother!! How low can we stoop !!. Whose grand idea was it to profit from pieces of mommy's flesh??? our mother??
God, I'm depressed, these idiots are coming up with 35 floor skyscrapers next to the Gurudwara. they slaughtered so many trees. I got to go take a walk else I feel chocked and breathless, lol - my bad I know.
I hate the bad (the good is so miniscule) of mortal society - Then how ? and why ? be a part of this stuipidity??.
Why is being a part of society a requisite of a Sikh?? Or am I wrong in assuming it is??
I play this pretence with myself that all the Guru ji's , Shahabazyade, shaheeds panj pyare are present in the durbar each morning during Amritvela. They are spiritually present it's true but I imagine they are physically too. I don't know why I do that but it gladdens my heart to feel this game each morning. At least it's way better than the game called - illusion of mortal life, lol.
WGJDK,WGJDF...
