Hard Talk How Many Sikhs Have Married Out Of Caste/race?

[svea00]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

Whether u live in Uk or timbaktu ,.
Learn to respect thy parents.
They are GOD,
we have not seen HIM but we have seen our parents who are living GOD for us.

I do not differ from mkm ji either.

all the luck.

Hi Sikh80 Ji!
I have one question off the topic on the thing you just wrote. I can understand in one way that you (sikhs, asians,...)´re really traditional when it comes to your parents. As european I´m not quite as devotive towards my parents, though I respect and love my parents, grandparents and other familymembers a lot. Nevermind.

What would you do or say to someone who´s parents don´t behave as rolemodels at all. Let´s say they are alcoholics or mistreat their kids physically?
You can´t surely tell someone like that to see their parents as living GOD, don´t you?

 

[Sikh80]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

Dear Friend,
An alcoholic cannot advise. Be guided by your conscience ; you know the truth. We are all devotees of someone. Is'nt it?


Role model is a new term. Reminds me of Bill Gates.

 

[KiranC]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

ok you have never been in love have you?

And if parents are God and our religion is based on not having castes and everyone being equal then something doesn't quite add up on my side does it?

 

[Sikh80]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

Advice given/received free of cost is generally not considered valuable.

I am also young. I have been in love.Yes, But I shall always be in line with my parents expectations. I shall marry if my parents approve of it.
For me parents and their expectations of me are of significance and my friend knows it very well. It was made clear to her in the beginning.
It is her wish.

Incidentally ,I had taken the approval of my parents. So in my case there is no problem.

You may proceed if your conscience permits. It was an endeavor to acquaint you with the contingent eventualities that may or may not be pleasing. You are the best judge. Many a times, in this world of human affairs, one has to take decisions oneself that none can replace. You are like my younger sister and hence an advice. You are free to ignore as per your priorities.kindly do not argue henceforth with me on this issue as it is fairly sensitive.

 

[KiranC]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

I didn't realise we were arguing...i thought we were merely discussing the issue. All I will say is that whilst your situation is similar it isn't the same. You weren't faced with what I am facing now- you said it yourself ' in my case there is no problem'.

 

[KiranC]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

And you see it as either your future spouse or your family? I really don't think of it like that. You dad has told you do what you like, even though he does not like it. This suggests to me that he is just showing his displeasure and says nothing of any actions he may take to ostracise you.

Within our somewhat mixed cultural bag here in the UK, no parents really like their childrens choice in partner, I would say to you that it seems quite natural to me for your folks to be at least a bit weary, and advice you to try not to worry so hard about it.

Unless of course your father has told you he plans to ostracies you for this?

Ultimatly though, I would say not my will ohh lord but yours.

Ok I just read this so i spologise for the late reply. At the moment yes I feel like I have to choose between them. I know that he would never ostracise me-he isn't like that. But there is something inside me that is saying that going through this will hurt both my parents and that is not something that i want to do. After all, they have been there for me and supported me in other things that i have decided to do.

 

[KiranC]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

Kiran C

Why dont you listen to your Dad, sit with him, compare your choice with his choice if he has for you. Give very good reason to convince him why your choice is better and he should not worry and you have to take different way,
most of the parents concern about their children's choice.Many times they are proved to be right too. I doubt all of the parents like to force their choice on their children.

My dad hasn't found anyone for me. He said and I quote 'if the guy was tharkan I would tell you to go for it'.

I realise that they will worry but it isn't me they are worried about-it is about peoples reactions. They are worried about the implications this will have on them and how will they face the community. Why do those people matter more than me?

We don't have a long line of tharkans marrying tharkans in my family...my massi married a gora and got divorced, my mums cousin married a muslim divorced him and is now living with a kala, my dads cousin married a jatti, my own cousin wanted to marry a gujrati.

My dads best friend is jatt-so should my dad stop talking to him because he has an issue with jatts? It only seems right to me. When my dad sits with his friend in the back of his mind is he thinking-'oh my god i'm sitting with a jatt'- NO, because he doesn't see that he is a jatt-he just sees him as his friend.

He would never force me to do something I wasn't happy with, that much I am sure of. And I know that at the end of the day I can still do this-but I want to do it the right way. I don't want tension or drama-i want a happy family life.

I will fight for this; because I truely believe that they are wrong. If for a moment I thought that they were right I would let it go-but they aren't right. Not this time.

 

[kds1980]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

I will fight for this; because I truely believe that they are wrong. If for a moment I thought that they were right I would let it go-but they aren't right. Not this time.

I agree with you .You should fight for it.Why don't you introduce that guy to your family
may they will also get impressed by him and agree with you

 

[KiranC]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

I agree with you .You should fight for it.Why don't you introduce that guy to your family
may they will also get impressed by him and agree with you

Well i told my dad that if he had any questions that i couldn't answer then he could call my partner and he would help as much as he could. My dad totally dismissed the idea so I am not sure about getting them to meet.

For now I think the best thing for me to do is speak to my parents again and try to make them see that this is what i want-and i have to live the rest of my life.

 

[kds1980]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

Dear Kiran

I discussed your case with my best chat friend who lives in boston she is amritdhari and does not beleive in caste.Her parents are looking for her with in caste though she is not in love with anyone .Her Parents were earlier looking for boy of her caste only but she brain washed her parents about that caste thing.Now her parents are looking for only amritdhari .So we can say that she wins in the end.

So keep trying I hope you will also win the end

 

[KiranC]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

Dear Kiran

I discussed your case with my best chat friend who lives in boston she is amritdhari and does not beleive in caste.Her parents are looking for her with in caste though she is not in love with anyone .Her Parents were earlier looking for boy of her caste only but she brain washed her parents about that caste thing.Now her parents are looking for only amritdhari .So we can say that she wins in the end.

So keep trying I hope you will also win the end

I feel a little confused. Her parents only wanted her to marry someone who was amritdhari but she wasn't bothered by caste. And she spoke to them and they are still only looking for someone who is amritdhari?

 

[KiranC]

Re: How Many Siks Have Married out Of Jaat/Zaat (Caste/Race)

my answer is No. its because if i will marry some one out of caste then it will create many problems regarding religions coz i will want my child to follow sikhism and his mother will want child to follow her religion and child will get confused and reach nowhere... he will have very different point of view??... he will b in trouble everytime...

Moreover when there will be any function , again religions will come between so its better to marry in ur same caste....

I reallr respect all religions but its just i don't want to have any problem regarding religions.

hmmmm ok. Well if you marry out of caste you are stil the same religion so surely your children will just be brought up as Sikhs?

'Moreover when there will be any function , again religions will come between so its better to marry in ur same caste....'

I don't mean to be rude but I think you are getting mixed up between caste and religion.

 

[kds1980]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

No her parents wanted her to marry amritdhari of her caste only.But she now brainwashed them that any amritdhari should be acceptable.her parents too were worried about extended family.Btw she is amrit dhari so obviously she want's an amritdhari

 

[KiranC]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

No her parents wanted her to marry amritdhari of her caste only.But she now brainwashed them that any amritdhari should be acceptable.her parents too were worried about extended family.Btw she is amrit dhari so obviously she want's an amritdhari

ahhhh see that makes more sense! Sorry I got myself a lil confused there!

See thats the way it should be-caste shouldn't matter in Sikhism.

Also whilst i was doing my little bits of pondering-if everyone who is Tharkan marries tharkans and all jatts marry jatts etc...will all the tharkans not at some point in the future be related to each other in some way-so what do the Sikhs do then...is that when they are going to realise that caste is wrong?

hmmmm people annoy me-people who claim to be Sikh and then believe all this silly stuff about caste. I'm not a perfect Sikh-i know that- but at least I have enough sense in me to treat everyone equally!

 

[Lee]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

Ok I just read this so i spologise for the late reply. At the moment yes I feel like I have to choose between them. I know that he would never ostracise me-he isn't like that. But there is something inside me that is saying that going through this will hurt both my parents and that is not something that i want to do. After all, they have been there for me and supported me in other things that i have decided to do.

Kiran Ji,

I honestly belive that your mind is making this into more of a problem than it needs to be. Your father sounds like a throughly decent man, and so I really can't see where you see the problem.

As a child to expect never to have any problems with your parents is just not logical. You will have your ups and downs, and yes many of these will be as a result of your growth and you making decisions for your life that your parents just will not agree with.

This is all normal though, and even though there may be some troubled times ahead for you, I doubt very much that your parents will turn away from you and never be there.

I moved the girl who was to become my wife out of her mums home and into mine when I was 20 and she 17, for about a year her mum was so angry and really didn't want to talk to her, after that time things went right back to normal. Heh and now we have been married for 18 years, and my wife's and her mothers relationship could not be stronger.

God gives us love, and I for one would say that there is nowt wrong with it.

 

[KiranC]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

The thing is you didn't see what they were like when I told them-apparently my dad didn't sleep with worry and my mum was crying. It was horrible. So yes whilst my dad is a decent man he refuses to see that there is no problem with what i want to do.

 

[KiranC]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

Ok so we all know that I don't believe in this silly caste business but out of curiosity- for those that do-what order is it that you believe we all go in-as in do tharkans come top of your little list or do jatts or some other so called caste in Sikhism (that sentance alone is wrong-caste in Sikhism?! there is no caste in Sikhism!). But anyway yeh...does anyone know?

 

[KiranC]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

No her parents wanted her to marry amritdhari of her caste only.But she now brainwashed them that any amritdhari should be acceptable.her parents too were worried about extended family.Btw she is amrit dhari so obviously she want's an amritdhari

How did she do it?

 

[kds1980]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

How did she do it?

She is not married yet but her parents has accepted that any amritdhari that will meet their standard is acceptable to them.they are still looking.so caste is not much issue now

 

[KiranC]

Re: How many sikhs have married out of Caste/Race

She is not married yet but her parents has accepted that any amritdhari that will meet their standard is acceptable to them.they are still looking.so caste is not much issue now

What did she say to make them change their mind about caste though?