It seems to me that if there is a social AGENDA of SEGREGATION based on ANY criteria, be it caste, colour, race, nationality, economic status, et cetera, it is counter to Sikh philosophy. However, at the interpersonal level there will always be some who perceive the differences between these qualities and distinctions as negative and difficult, while there will also be some who find these differences positive and enlivening.
There is nothing inherently wrong about wanting a partner who has similar views, interests, education and intelligence levels, social circle, language, cultural traditions, et cetera. Who wants to live in close proximity to someone who is so unlike one’s self that there is nothing to share in common?
Where there is a problem is with cultural taboos that prohibit or interfere with relationships between people who do have strong affinity between them. Conversely, there is a problem with cultures that attempt to unnaturally force two people to share close quarters when they are not interpersonally compatible. Ah, but on the other hand, if two incompatible people mutually agree to form a union, despite incompatibility and no doubt the good and persistent advice of family and friends, then that is between the couple and God, who brought them together.
The problem that Sikhi aims to eradicate is social agendas of human segregation, based upon any criteria. Choosing a partner, based on person choice is not a problem. Maintaining prejudices and biases against entire groups of people is a problem, because it undermines the Sikh philosophy of equality. Not wanting to share a household with a person whose character you know well enough not to like is OK. Forcing a child to share a household with someone they know well enough not to like is NOT OK.
The Christian Bible has a passage that spells out the intention of the Sikh principle of human equality and prohibition against divorce.
Mar 10:2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away [his] wife? tempting him.
Mar 10:3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
Mar 10:4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put [her] away.
Mar 10:5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
Mar 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
Mar 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
Mar 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
Mar 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
There, in the last verse is what I believe to be the core intention of the Sikh philosophy relating to this discussion. Human rules, laws, taboos and agendas should not interfere with the Divine Plan. Man has no business playing God. Waheguru lives with the heart of every being. What He Wills is His prerogative. He breaks human rules all the time just to make this point clear. And then we humans shake our heads in dismay, turn our backs on friends and abandon our children for not following our family traditions. Then we feel our own hearts break at the loss that we, ourselves have caused, regret our choices and if our egos are subdued, we recant those choices and welcome our friends and family back to the fold. It’s just the ebb and flow of the power struggle between man and God.
Life goes on mundahug and it's beautiful, however it unfolds kudihug
Sat Sri Akal,
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