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rbamrah

SPNer
Oct 3, 2010
10
37
spnadmin ji thank you very much for an informative response :) I don't mind at all telling my story if it will be helpful for others :)

Note 1: This will be long so I do apologize for that.
Note 2: I do not want to come off as being 'too casual' in my story, I'm still learning social customs.


I met my husband on January 1st 2009. He is Punjabi born but was living in Mumbai at the time and I of course, was living in USA. We met on Facebook very coincidentally, just a random glancing by, but I felt compelled to wish him a Happy New Year's. That one message sparked a conversation between us and before I knew it hours were passing by like minutes. There was an instant unspoken connection we had that I could not, and still cannot, fully and accurately explain. I believed it then, and still do now, that it was God's will. Our days were spent purely talking to one another. From the time I woke to the time I slept every hour in between I gave to him and him to me. We used web cameras to see and speak to each other so it felt like we were really knowing each other rather than talking to a bit of internet space. Well, it was an instant love match, he had all the qualities I was looking for and he said I possessed all the qualities in his beloved mother. He proposed to me that Valentine's Day and I said yes. I cannot explain it but something so strongly in me just knew that he was the one. Not even the foggiest of doubts entered my mind, I was inexplicably certain of him. At the time his mother was trying to set him up in an arranged marriage but he dissuaded her, telling her that I was the one he wanted to marry. His parents were a little resistant and mine thought I was crazy. To marry a man I had never before met?! But both sets of parents sat down in front of the computers and, seeing and hearing each other, felt very good about the marriage. God gave me the strength and courage to board a plane in April for India. My parents don't know how I did it without fear, sadness or apprehension. I was a girl whom had never left her town nonetheless her country. His family was there at the airport for me and greeted me with hugs. I felt part of the family from the very start. His mother grew very fond of me for we are very similar in nature and personality. I had troubles adjusting to the humidity and food and she more than accomodated me. They installed an ac in their home just for me, and during a blackout, both she and her husband sat before me waving fans to cool me. They never let me feel like an outsider, or like I wasn't wanted. We watched cricket together during meals (which I will never fully understand the rules of) and truly bonded as parents and daughter in law. At that time I had only really known that they indeed were Sikh but didn't know much about what it meant. They never persuaded me into becoming Sikh and never even talked to me about it. They said they would have been fine if I were even Christian. I initiated talks with his father about Sikhism myself. My husband gave me a kara as a gift and I told him then that I would wear it only when I was completely sure that I'd never take it off. I did my research about Sikhism, learned the core beliefs, history, practices and meditated deeply on the matter. After a few months I felt sure that becoming Sikh was something I wanted to do, so wore his kara from which it has never left me. I am still learning many things, I really desire to be intelligent, dilligent and devoted in my faith so I have joined this lovely community in hopes to do so.
 

spnadmin

1947-2014 (Archived)
SPNer
Jun 17, 2004
14,500
19,219
rbamrah!

Incredible! You have a lot to offer this forum. Thank you very much. Does your story show that the "good" is always great. When we think it is hidden, could it be rather that it is ignored? Thanks for joining SPN. Please help us out when we encounter such threads as I mentioned.
 

rbamrah

SPNer
Oct 3, 2010
10
37
Hi Signey ji, thanks for your kind comments :)

The wedding took place in Mumbai and was an Arya Samaj wedding. The weather was really affecting me more than we had anticipated so it was the quickest method. I had no idea beforehand what the wedding would be like and basicially learned everything as it was happening. Needless to say I made so many mistakes and that too in front of so many people! We honeymooned in Goa which was just lovely. I had never seen the ocean before and to see so many beautiful beaches was a real gift.

Now my biggest goal is to visit India again and see Harmindir Sahib :) Pictures and films don't do it justice I trust.
 
Oct 7, 2010
20
23
Oh rbamrah ji it sounds like it was beautiful, after all, it was you and your Intended becoming One. I'm sure that if you only remember what was beautiful and right that that will be what everyone else remembers too. That's the way it is for all of us...believe me.

You went to Goa for your honeymoon? Melt..... Beautiful does not do Goa justice. I have only visited via Bollywood but I have been very impressed. That is one of the places in India I would love to go to.

I like you want to see the Golden Temple. I'm hoping that I will be able to go someday. Until then we have wonderful videos and photos that our Cyber Sangat share.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us!
Signey
 

kds1980

SPNer
Apr 3, 2005
4,502
2,743
44
INDIA
The wedding took place in Mumbai and was an Arya Samaj wedding. The weather was really affecting me more than we had anticipated so it was the quickest method.

Rbamarah ji

Are you sure the guy you married is a sikh ? or a Punjabi Hindu who have a faith in Sikhism
does he wear a turban? Please don't mind But your statement that that you have an arya samaj wedding is quite strange.Why will a sikh guy marrying a christian girl have a Arya samaj marriage ? Arya samaj is a hindu sect not a sikh one
 
Oct 29, 2010
167
175
81
Dear rbamrah,
I view Sikhs like you as refreshing, morale boosting and revives my faith in the Gurus. It definitely brings one down from high horse of religious politics down to ground.

Whenever a new person embraces this religion I wonder what values triggered the big step.

I found in mixed marriage the simplest values and belief that define good humanity works well - as spnadmin asked - love to hear about your route to Sikhi.
 

a.mother

SPNer
Jun 12, 2010
127
287
Canada
I have same question that Kanwardeep ji have . I am just curius to know.Well I know many hindus who have very much respect for sikhism and have faith in sikhism. sikh marriage ceremony called anand karaj .
And above that I am very happy that you are learning about sikhi and you have very good group of friends called SPN .You can get plenty of right information without fear.
 
Last edited:

spnadmin

1947-2014 (Archived)
SPNer
Jun 17, 2004
14,500
19,219
rbamrah ji

I did not know what an Arya Samaj wedding was - so I did look it up. Maybe you could clarify it for me, because marriage customs and rituals are an area of interest.

It seems from my reading that anyone of any faith in India can be married by an Arya Samaj ceremony. However, they must undergo several purification ceremonies as part of the process.

http://weddings.iloveindia.com/indian-weddings/arya-samaj-wedding.html

In the US, when 2 people of different faiths want to get married, it is often impossible to obtain the cooperation of a clergyman, of one or both faiths of bride or bridegroom. The marriage can be marked by strife early on. Or, in the case of some progressive families, the feeling is that both faiths cannot be honored by having a single ceremony, in the bridegroom's church, or in the bride's church. Therefore they seek to be married by a minister of a third religion, typically a religion that is very open to multi-faith practices under one roof. Examples would be the Unitarian religion, the Theosophists. (My brother was married by a Theosophist minister; he was a Buddhist and his wife was raised a Roman Catholic.)

Another similarity I see between Arya Samaj and Unitarianism, Theosophists, and similar groups, is an absence of a complicated philosophy. The stress seems to be on spiritual and moral lessons, and away from dependence on images and idols and ancient traditions. They verge on the secular, but not quite.

Is that how an Arya Samaj ceremony works? This would be a learning experience for me, and my intentions are not to second-guess your decisions. It could sound that way.
 

rbamrah

SPNer
Oct 3, 2010
10
37
Kanwardeep Singh ji,

Yes, he and his family are very much Sikhs. As I had said earlier, I was very sick from the heat while I was there; taking medications and staying secluded in air conditioned rooms. My parents-in-law were very worried for me and knew I couldn't stay in India too long and so knew they would need to make quick wedding preparations. Filing for Arya Samaj style wedding they said, was faster than filing for a Sikh sect one and in fact it took a matter of days. Before the ceremony we had to sign conversion papers which made them upset of course, but throughout the ceremony my husband wore his kara clearly visibily :) One day I hope to re-vow our marriage in the proper ceremony under proper circumstances.

a.mother ji thank you for your kind words. I am in the process of learning Punjabi language so I can read Guru Granth Sahib Ji the way it was intended, rather than English translations. I really want to become a good Sikh, knowledgeable with the religion and its teachings and strong in faith. I have a few routes from which to start but this website has surely been a great find for me. This community of great persons makes me feel comfortable to learn and comfortable to be who I am. You can't imagine how Christians view me ;) But that's another topic.

Signey ji, Goa is one of those places you see that you will remember all your life and want to visit again and again. Strangely the heat there didn't mind me *as* much as that in Mumbai (difference in humidity?) so I could enjoy it more. I urge you to make it a place of interest if you ever find the opportunity to visit :) As for Harmandir Sahib ji, I feel like I will collapse before it with overwhelmed emotions. My eyes are actually tearing up just with the thought of seeing it in person. One day...one day...winkingmunda

davinderdhanjal ji, I will be more than happy to discuss what led me to embrace Sikhism but I feel I have written so much in this one little post box. Let me have a lunch and collect my thoughts and I will be back with a response :)
 

spnadmin

1947-2014 (Archived)
SPNer
Jun 17, 2004
14,500
19,219
rbamrahji

Thanks for such a quick clarification. So it does seem that you, your husband, and his parents were seeking a way to solemnize your vows, rather than settle for a Registry Wedding only. There was a lot of pressure !!!!

Also, I understand the heat/humidity too well! Personally I am crippled by it. Go to India in November.
 

rbamrah

SPNer
Oct 3, 2010
10
37
Let me try to start writing my Sikhi journey but first with what made me stray from Christianity. I think it's important to say where we were before what we became.

My parents are Christians, Baptist sect, and come from a line of Baptists that stretch back as long as any one of my relatives can recall. Baptists are a more simple line of Christianity, they believe in the submerging in water as a means to cleanse your sins. You do this once when you become Baptist and any time after that if you should stray and come back. I believe it's important to note that my brother as a child underwent this procedure whilst I did not. As a child church ceremonies were fun. Games, singing and snacks basically, what kid wouldn't like that? Everything else felt boring and I never took it seriously. Growing up I underwent a lot of grief and strife and, not feeling God's presence, turned my back on Christianity. The pastors' answers to my questions were shallow. I hated the belief that they felt Christianity was the one correct religion and anyone who is not Christian will 'burn in hell.' I asked, "what of children living in countries who do not have access to the Bible or Christian churches? Will they burn in hell for not even knowing Him?" Their answer was a very roundabout, "yes." And then there's the Bible itself. I found myself reading it, trying to understand the core of Christianity because most Christians themselves don't know what all is included in it, and became more and more appalled. So many things that I just could not agree to. God is pictured as a cruel person; a child with a magnifying glass over an ant hill, if you will. I did not want to believe that God was like this. I wanted to believe that God was a kind person who truly loved his creation. My parents sat me down with numerous pastors of their church to talk to me, answer my questions, reaffirm my faith but they could never convince me. The Christians I met in my life were hypocrites, sweet to your face and cruel to your back. If Christians practiced what Jesus preached than they wouldn't be such a bad people. Some might, but all whom I've met do not. Also, I found that their "converting" teaching is wrong. Any Christian who approaches a non Christian is supposed to 'show them the way' more or less. They have uptight views about the world and tend to have a superiority complex even though they themselves are flawed. And the church itself is flawed in so many ways but will never admit to it. My heart was never in it and truth be told I faced more grief being Christian than not. When I stopped believing altogether my life actually got better. But I knew I wanted to believe in God, just not the Christian God, so my mind and heart were always open to find a religion that allowed me to. When I met my husband he told me a bit about Sikhism, the 5 K's, the main beliefs. I could morally agree to what was there. But it was when I bought a book, with which has translations to some Guru Granth Sahib ji verses, that my eyes began to open. The words of Guru Nanak dev ji refreshed me like water. I could not find a flaw or fault in any word I read. That God is One and the same whether Hindu or Muslim or otherwise, that women are equals to men, the kindness, peace and respect that is spoken of. Our Guru ji's words are too great! Everyday I read more passages and find myself so enraptured by them. What I had been searching for in Christianity I have found in Sikhism. And then reading the history of Sikhism, the martyrs and bloodshed that have taken place and more recently; Operation Blue Star. My eyes cried beholding all these things. I cannot describe it, my heart soars with the beauty of the words and breaks with the sacrifices and then again a sense of pride and wonder. Guru Arjan Dev Ji, Guru Tegh Bahadur Ji, Baba Deep Singh ji, Baba Banda Singh Bahadur! Just a few, and I have such a deep respect and appreciation for all martyred Sikhs. l feel so much in my heart, but want to feel with a head full of knowledge. Not just drink the water but become replenished by it, if that makes sense. That is why I'm here. :) I hope I've described myself well enough.
 

rbamrah

SPNer
Oct 3, 2010
10
37
spnadmin ji,

His family is truly lovely. They cared so deeply for me while I was there and went above and beyond to make me comfortable. The wedding was coordinated by them and my husband as 85% of my time was spent resting so those matters truly go over my head. As mentioned I was instructed as the ceremony was going on as to what to say and do. There is a part wherein the bride repeats some Sanskrit passage and I remember as I repeated it his family looked at each other in shock and said I spoke it better than what even they could winkingmunda Anyway, I am resolving myself today to make use of this website's resources and become firmer in my faith. Thank you to all whom have showed me such great kindness and acceptance!
 

findingmyway

Writer
SPNer
Aug 17, 2010
1,665
3,778
World citizen!
Rebecca ji,
A very warm welcome to SPN welcomekaur
You are not born into Sikhi but become one so converts are no different to others. We all have to work hard to learn and progress! Sikhi is a beautiful but difficult journey and it is good to have you sharing this journey with us. Your words about the Guru Granth Sahib Ji are beautiful. I am also often overwhelmed!!

On a more practical note, Panjabi hospitality is wonderful as you know so don't worry about being 'different' as we don't see it that way. I love seeing new faces in the Gurdwara, be they brown, white or purple ;)

Once again welcome. Please ask questions and share your thoughts as you learn more :grinningkudi:
Jasleen Kaur.
 

sue

SPNer
Dec 7, 2010
2
2
hi, i am sue from oregon. i am new to the site. i read english and don't understand everything i read, but i am curious. can you tell me more briefly?
thanks, sue

:happykudi:
 

spnadmin

1947-2014 (Archived)
SPNer
Jun 17, 2004
14,500
19,219
Sue ji

Welcome to SPN welcomekaur

Please keep reading. And write too! If something seems dense it may be that you just need to take one small part and ask a question. Or even better, state you own understanding and invite others to respond to you. Remember that sometimes when you do not understand something, the fault may not be you.

Welcome again.
 
Nov 14, 2010
79
90
Sat Sri Akal rbamrah!

Let me try to start writing my Sikhi journey but first with what made me stray from Christianity. I think it's important to say where we were before what we became.

My parents are Christians, Baptist sect, and come from a line of Baptists that stretch back as long as any one of my relatives can recall. Baptists are a more simple line of Christianity, they believe in the submerging in water as a means to cleanse your sins. You do this once when you become Baptist and any time after that if you should stray and come back. I believe it's important to note that my brother as a child underwent this procedure whilst I did not. As a child church ceremonies were fun. Games, singing and snacks basically, what kid wouldn't like that? Everything else felt boring and I never took it seriously. Growing up I underwent a lot of grief and strife and, not feeling God's presence, turned my back on Christianity. The pastors' answers to my questions were shallow. I hated the belief that they felt Christianity was the one correct religion and anyone who is not Christian will 'burn in hell.'

Oh honey, I feel your pain. Was this Southern Baptist, by any chance?

One of my favorite jokes growing up in the South was "You know why Southern Baptists never make love standing up?"

"Somebody might see in the window and think they were dancing..."

(For those here who don't get the joke, the SB's have historically been very strongly opposed to dancing -- see the movie _Footloose_ with Kevin Bacon in it for details on the "why" of that nonsense...)

I asked, "what of children living in countries who do not have access to the Bible or Christian churches? Will they burn in hell for not even knowing Him?" Their answer was a very roundabout, "yes."

Isn't that horrible? I had a Fundamentalist Christian friend in college who told me once, with a completely straight face, that God plants the knowledge of Christ in everyone's heart, and that if they are truly good people, they will somehow magically find their way to Christianity, even in the remotest regions of the Amazon rainforest... And I just remember thinking what a lie that was, and how sad that she believed it. (For the record, she does NOT believe it any longer, thank goodness, and is no longer a Fundamentalist Christian...)

And then there's the Bible itself. I found myself reading it, trying to understand the core of Christianity because most Christians themselves don't know what all is included in it, and became more and more appalled. So many things that I just could not agree to. God is pictured as a cruel person; a child with a magnifying glass over an ant hill, if you will. I did not want to believe that God was like this.

Well, yes... much more true of the Old Testament God of Wrath than of the New Testament God of Grace, but it seems the more conservative Christians cling to the Old Testament God like a life raft in a stormy sea. My brother is this kind of Christian (which always puzzles me because we were raised in a liberal Episcopal church that preached only about God's grace and love and forgiveness and patience with us as God's beloved children -- why give that God up for the bitter, vengeful, angry God? I'll never understand it...)

I wanted to believe that God was a kind person who truly loved his creation.

Indeed! To me this is only logical. Here is how I see it:
  • God is the ultimate Parent.
  • We are God's children.
  • God is perfect.
  • We are imperfect.
  • While God wants us to always grow and improve, God does not expect us to be perfect. It's simply not possible.
  • We were created with and because of Love.
  • That Love is given out of grace from the first breath we take, not because we have earned it or "deserve" it.
  • We are urged to live with kindness and to seek wisdom in the Guru's words, not because we fear Hell if we do not, but because it brings us closer to God.
Just as we do not disown our children when they make a mistake or violate the rules we have set for them, God does not reject or disown us when we make a mistake or violate God's laws. God loves us unconditionally just as we love our own children unconditionally.

If we can give that to our children despite our many human flaws and failings, how much MORE generous, kind, patient, and forgiving must God be?

My parents sat me down with numerous pastors of their church to talk to me, answer my questions, reaffirm my faith but they could never convince me. The Christians I met in my life were hypocrites, sweet to your face and cruel to your back. If Christians practiced what Jesus preached than they wouldn't be such a bad people. Some might, but all whom I've met do not. Also, I found that their "converting" teaching is wrong. Any Christian who approaches a non Christian is supposed to 'show them the way' more or less. They have uptight views about the world and tend to have a superiority complex even though they themselves are flawed. And the church itself is flawed in so many ways but will never admit to it. My heart was never in it and truth be told I faced more grief being Christian than not.

Though I was raised an Episcopalian (Protestant Christian), I went to Catholic school and had to learn all the same things the Catholic kids had to learn. Your description of your experience reminds me a lot of what I saw with them. My own church experience as a child was happy and light of heart. Jesus was my savior but he was also my friend -- that kind of thing.

But... yeah, your experience resonates with what I've seen happen to many other conservative Christians. I don't think I know a single person who was raised in a hard-core Evangelical or Fundamentalist Christian household who recalls their childhood and their experience of God as being a happy one.

That is one of the things I so love about the Guru Granth Sahib ~ it is just one big wall-to-wall anthem to God's grace and love and the joy of being part of God and having God in each of us.

When I stopped believing altogether my life actually got better. But I knew I wanted to believe in God, just not the Christian God, so my mind and heart were always open to find a religion that allowed me to. When I met my husband he told me a bit about Sikhism, the 5 K's, the main beliefs. I could morally agree to what was there. But it was when I bought a book, with which has translations to some Guru Granth Sahib ji verses, that my eyes began to open. The words of Guru Nanak dev ji refreshed me like water. I could not find a flaw or fault in any word I read. peacesignkaur

That God is One and the same whether Hindu or Muslim or otherwise, that women are equals to men, the kindness, peace and respect that is spoken of. Our Guru ji's words are too great! Everyday I read more passages and find myself so enraptured by them. What I had been searching for in Christianity I have found in Sikhism. And then reading the history of Sikhism, the martyrs and bloodshed that have taken place and more recently; Operation Blue Star. My eyes cried beholding all these things. I cannot describe it, my heart soars with the beauty of the words and breaks with the sacrifices and then again a sense of pride and wonder. Guru Arjan Dev Ji, Guru Tegh Bahadur Ji, Baba Deep Singh ji, Baba Banda Singh Bahadur! Just a few, and I have such a deep respect and appreciation for all martyred Sikhs. l feel so much in my heart, but want to feel with a head full of knowledge. Not just drink the water but become replenished by it, if that makes sense. That is why I'm here. :) I hope I've described myself well enough.

Yep. I barely know you, sister-friend, but I like you already, and as we say here in the States, I feel ya!

Hope we see each other around here more often. :-D
 
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