What Do Sikh Women Look For In Men?

[gurtej khubbar]

I here reflect the true reality . Everyone and I mean every girl in my family
is married to cut surd, and this was the girl choice. We can only blame ourself for this but society has played a bigger role in overall mentality.

Ever seens a gursikh as a hero in punjabi movie? All songs mention alcohol and how cool punjabis are but the reality being current crop of
Punjabis are as bad as those money , ego and lust Filled kings . The only thing these days that make
Me proud as a punjabi is its history but it cant keep on carrying the burden.

At the same time, I actually like a sikh with knowledge of gurbani and who leads a true life as oppose to many of baptised Akal takht big men. Young Boys and girls need to learn punjabi and sikh history but sadly all they
learn is about mythological references.

Thanks

 

[Ishna]

Guru Fateh to all.

I must admit that none of us men are the Knights riding the white horses to lift you up, and vanish in the sunset with you.

None of us are neither angels nor horned devils/witches, talking about both sexes. All of you have expressed your desires what you need in a man but hardly anyone of you has expressed what you can be for the men you want to love which is sad and appalling for me as a man who has been happily married for 24 years, a proud spouse and a parent of 2 wonderful kids; a girl Jaskeerat 22 and a son Trimaan 17 and mind you, I have lived my life from the age of 16 on my own around the world.

We should be rather talking about what both men and women can offer each other to create a solid foundation for the long lasting relationship. Neither men nor women are products on display as mannequins. It is much deeper than that.

Domestic violence is a very grave thing and sadly the domestic violence against both sexes is ignored or less reported.Think about domestic violence and you think of women, battered by their husband, boyfriend, or a man they used to involved with. Now, think again. Every year in the U.S., about 3.2 million men are the victims of an assault by an intimate partner. Most assaults are of a relatively minor nature such as pushing, shoving, slapping or hitting, though many are more serious - and some end in homicide.

Below, I have given some synopsis and 2 sites relating to the domestic abuse. One can Google more to get better information.

After reading these and others, please share your views and the request goes to both genders. And we have not talked about homosexuality which is not of any one's choosing.

Will be waiting for the input.

Tejwant Singh


National

Domestic violence

One in four women (25%) has experienced domestic violence in her lifetime.
(The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and The National Institute of Justice, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence, July 2000. The Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman’s Lifespan: 1998 Survey of Women’s Health, 1999)http://www.dvrc-or.org/domestic/violence/resources/C61/

Men often suffer physical abuse in silence because they are afraid that no one will believe them or take them seriously. In fact, some men who do try to get help find that they are mocked and ridiculed. No one would even think of telling a battered woman that getting beaten by her husband wasn’t a big deal, but people often don’t think twice about saying that to a battered man. Many men are too embarrassed to admit that they are being abused.http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/domviol/men.htm

Tejwant ji, perhaps the focus has been on the qualities of a male because that is the focus of this particular thread (see the title). If the thread was 'what qualities should we strive for in a Sikh relationship' the replies would probably be more balanced (we would both hope).

Just a thought anyway. I'm sorry you feel appalled by the thread.

 

[Inderjeet Kaur]

As a 60 year old disabled widow, my needs and desires might be a bit different than you younger ladies, in some respects.

First, he must have a turban and uncut beard. That's non-negotiable. It's best if he has plentiful hair under the turban, but at our age, you never know. That "jura" may just be a sock hiding baldness. It's hard to know for sure until after the wedding.

He must love my intelligence and sense of humour. He needs to enjoy my conversational skills and just adore listening to my incessant chatter. He must want, in his heart of hearts, a woman who can neither cook nor clean and can hardly walk and who remains in chardi kala always. Well, most of the time. He can't be bothered by the fact that I have been married before and that I cannot have children. Sixty is just too old for that. He must think that my wrinkles and sagging boobs and those few extra kis, ok, maybe more than a few, are exactly what makes a woman physically attractive. He must find my short-comings endearing, if not actually humourous and my eccentricities interesting, if not actually fascinating. He must be understanding of my moans and groans and occasional screams of pain; arthritis can be agonising, you know. I want a Singh who will wake up next to me with a smile, looking forward to spending the next day with me. In short, he must take me as he finds me and enjoy me as I am.

Of course, he can expect the same from me. I promise to deliver as best I can.

He must love me, but he absolutely must love his Guru more. That is most important. He needs to enjoy reading and discussing Gurbani with me, making allowances for my gross ignorance, indeed, seeing that as an opportunity to deepen his own understanding of what Guru ji is teaching us. It mustn't bother him that I can't carry a tune and that my pronunciation is terrible and I have a tendency to jap naam in melodies of popular songs.

And, BTW, it's really for the best if he can do the deed without Viagra (Viagra has nasty side effects), but at this age, I won't be too picky, as long as he obviously finds me attractive and desirable.

And you younger Kaurs and Singhs, remember that this will be you sooner than you can possibly imagine.

 

[spnadmin]

Tejwant ji, perhaps the focus has been on the qualities of a male because that is the focus of this particular thread (see the title). If the thread was 'what qualities should we strive for in a Sikh relationship' the replies would probably be more balanced (we would both hope).

Just a thought anyway. I'm sorry you feel appalled by the thread.

When one and all get to that point....Sikh Research Institute has wonderful programs and events about Sikh Marriage... real good stuff ...


Grihast http://www.sikhri.org/grihast-training-development.html

I think I will start a thread.

 

[Tejwant Singh]

Tejwant ji, perhaps the focus has been on the qualities of a male because that is the focus of this particular thread (see the title). If the thread was 'what qualities should we strive for in a Sikh relationship' the replies would probably be more balanced (we would both hope).

Just a thought anyway. I'm sorry you feel appalled by the thread.

lshna ji,

Guru Fateh.

I am very well aware of the title of the thread. I just wanted people to think outside the box of the title, yet co-related to it.

Tejwant Singh

PS: If I were single, I would be singing, "I am looking for a hard headed woman".- By Cat Stevens- Now Yousaf Islam.

 

[Shem Ari]

I'm not sure if I have a right to post in this thread (it may be for just Sikh women to answer?) If I may, I would like to say that studying Sikhism, The qualities I admire in Sikh men that are part of being Sikh (I believe those I am thinking of are amritdhari, definitely keshdhari) are mostly the same qualities I have always wished for in a partner, and the few Sikh friends I have had did embody these things.

I know I can't speak for all Sikh since I have only had the pleasure of speaking to a few but, those whom I did speak to, I noticed they seem to be proud of who they were yet simultaneously humble. They carried themselves well, at the same time making it clear that we were equal. They were extremely polite and I felt comfortable talking to them, even where many people I've talked to from other religions or other cultures about certain things would have or had judged me, these particular Sikh did not judge me. They were very open and educated about Sikhism and thoroughly answered any questions I had. I respected them for this because some people from other religions I have asked questions and when they do not have an answer become offended and even angry.

Kesh, joora, turban, keeping the body in the state god gave it to you is extremely admirable and makes one very attractive, not just in a physical sense but also shows a strong sense of confidence and Sikh pride. My friends' personalities were very admirable, they were funny, friendly, very educated (about Sikhism and other things), non-judgmental, respectful and therefore very respectable.

I'm not sure if this personalty type describes many Sikh (I suspect maybe because I am thinking of a few totally unrelated people). If it does I hope to marry a Sikh one day and be the best kaur to them possible.

 

[findingmyway]

Guru Fateh to all.

None of us are neither angels nor horned devils/witches, talking about both sexes. All of you have expressed your desires what you need in a man but hardly anyone of you has expressed what you can be for the men you want to love which is sad and appalling for me as a man who has been happily married for 24 years, a proud spouse and a parent of 2 wonderful kids; a girl Jaskeerat 22 and a son Trimaan 17 and mind you, I have lived my life from the age of 16 on my own around the world.

We should be rather talking about what both men and women can offer each other to create a solid foundation for the long lasting relationship. Neither men nor women are products on display as mannequins. It is much deeper than that.

Will be waiting for the input.

Tejwant Singh

Tejwant Veerji,
This thread was originally started in response to this one http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/relationships/27204-what-do-sikh-men-look-women.html

That one should be equally appalling to you. Perhaps you can also post your comments there in the interest of equality!

 

[Navdeep88]

I don't kno if it's something i "look" for...
But the following are characterisitcs I admire, I've met & have in my life:

-Guys who understand the importance of Friendship as the basis of all relationships w/ the opposite gender or the same sex. This relaxes everything, allows communication & difference for One another b/c oh-my, how different we can really be.
-Kindness, the capacity to care for other beings
-Gentleness, yes exposing vulnerability, however late or delayed does allow some sort of endearment, I guess. idk, I haven't really goten there with any guy yet, and Im totally Ok with that.

The outer characteristics:
Righteousness- someone who has the Capacity to keep his word.
Protectiveness- someone who accepts responsibility for the Creatures in his life, SOMETIMES that includes me, but Not every single time, shesh, Let me breathe. [God, Lol.]

I think Friendship is it though, I want a guy to acknowledge my co-dependence, I don't want to do everything on my Own, but I don't wanna be hanging onto your every idea and word, either. I got my own brain. I want a man who will be excited for things in my life cuz I got things to do too. I want equal excitement on both our parts about the cool things we're doing in life.

Im aware, my ideas might be flawed or incomplete but this is really all Ive learned about interacting with the opposite sex. That I cant be completely Led, nor do I want to be... I want co-dependence.

But at the end of the day, I think it just comes down to a prayer, whatever it is you're pursuing, it's impossible to kno the end-all of anything, really you give it uour best shot & hope for the best. I guess finding, keeping a mate is the same part. Depends on God & who he's Sending or withholding. meh.

 

[aristotle]

Well even a glance of any matrimonial site of India could tell that in any community of India the first pre condition to contact the parents and girl is The financial status and income of boy.Only after that other things come

Matrimonial alliance through these matrimonial sites is certainly not an example of what we call 'love marriage'. The alliances through these sites (I doubt if matrimonial sites are of any help at all, I have still to come across a couple who were introduced to each other through one of these sites) are calculated decisions. So, looking for the financial capabilities of the groom, especially in a developing country like India, is not such a bad thing to look for IMHO. After all, which father would marry his daughter to a pauper.....:interestedmunda:

 

[kds1980]

Matrimonial alliance through these matrimonial sites is certainly not an example of what we call 'love marriage'. The alliances through these sites (I doubt if matrimonial sites are of any help at all, I have still to come across a couple who were introduced to each other through one of these sites) are calculated decisions. So, looking for the financial capabilities of the groom, especially in a developing country like India, is not such a bad thing to look for IMHO. After all, which father would marry his daughter to a pauper.....:interestedmunda:

Of course it is not bad to look at financial capabilities of groom but this is one of main reason why Dowry is given in India.As you climb financial ladder the number of prospective grooms become smaller and smaller and number of girls want to marry them increase.So for every high profile Govt officer , software engineer , NRI , doctor , there are many girls which want to marry them and in arrange scenario all girls look the same. So either that guy is going to marry the most beautiful girl or the one that will bring lot of money

If we take Dowry out of this scene then parents of less beautiful girls know that their daughters hardly has any chance of finding high profile groom and has to settle for low income guy.

 

[aristotle]

Of course it is not bad to look at financial capabilities of groom but this is one of main reason why Dowry is given in India.As you climb financial ladder the number of prospective grooms become smaller and smaller and number of girls want to marry them increase.So for every high profile Govt officer , software engineer , NRI , doctor , there are many girls which want to marry them and in arrange scenario all girls look the same. So either that guy is going to marry the most beautiful girl or the one that will bring lot of money

If we take Dowry out of this scene then parents of less beautiful girls know that their daughters hardly has any chance of finding high profile groom and has to settle for low income guy.

Fortunately, the practice of dowry is on the ebbing side now. I know more and more people (most of them Sikhs) who decided to do away with dowry while tying the knot. I would like it to be eradicated completely.

 

[kds1980]

Fortunately, the practice of dowry is on the ebbing side now. I know more and more people (most of them Sikhs) who decided to do away with dowry while tying the knot. I would like it to be eradicated completely.

As long as demand of high profile grooms come from girls side , this practice cannot be eradicated .
There are always going to be direct and indirect dowry.
Some parents of Girl just purchase property in girls name and gift that property to girl at time of marriage what will you call it.

Whatever marriages I know Gold, cars or some property is always given to girl and you can't even say that parents don't have any right to give gifts to their daughters.

Of course the demand of dowry is now very much decreased , but parents of girls giving gifts to is on increasing side

 

[Kanwaljit.Singh]

What Sikh women look for in Sikh men is not different from what Sikh men look for in Sikh women. It is mostly about values (and I presume Sikh values are universal).

 

[TigerStyleZ]

Hahah , Sikh Women want a crazy young fella like TigerStyleZ.:singhsippingcoffee:

I am the perfectly designed love machine with luxury hair- children love me !



Just joking

 

[Harry Haller]

So either that guy is going to marry the most beautiful girl or the one that will bring lot of money

I am not sure about this, you make the men sound quite primitive. Are punjabi young men that stupid that money and looks are all that count?

 

[kds1980]

I am not sure about this, you make the men sound quite primitive. Are punjabi young men that stupid that money and looks are all that count?

In arrange marriages there are probably 2-3 meetings . How could any guy can judge the girl in terms of other factors in those meetings?

 

[Aisha]

In arrange marriages there are probably 2-3 meetings . How could any guy can judge the girl in terms of other factors in those meetings?

Education, religiosity, career goals, personal ambitions, hobbies/interests, community activism, outlook on life (adventerous or being close to family is most important etc...), deeply held beliefs (animal rights, child welfare etc etc...). All of those things could be found out after 2-3 meetings and are much more important than looks or money.





But I'm a girl ::

 

[kds1980]

Education, religiosity, career goals, personal ambitions, hobbies/interests, community activism, outlook on life (adventerous or being close to family is most important etc...), deeply held beliefs (animal rights, child welfare etc etc...). All of those things could be found out after 2-3 meetings and are much more important than looks or money.





But I'm a girl ::

In arrange marriage market both boy and girl present themselves as presentable as they can. This include hide your minus points as much you can.So both present their fake personality to each other.Unless boy and girl decide to date each other for atleast 6 months may be only then they can know hint of other's true personality

 

[Ishna]

So arranged marriage = dowry then?

 

[Luckysingh]

Most of sikh men are the biggest hypocrites !!
We all talk about how essential it is to keep kesh as part of sikhi...blah blah....
Then when Mr Singh has to see a couple of girls to see if he and she are suitable and can be compatible, But as soon as he sees a big dark moustache and goatee even though the girl may be absolutely stunning, he says NO and opts for the one he saw the other week or whatever that was freshly waxed !!

The majority of these Mr Singhs do a u-turn with reference to uncut hair showing on the chin and legs when it's their time to choose !!!