- Jan 31, 2011
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Gurfatehji
My dear neighbour next door, a butcher whose wife was expecting twins a few months ago, had his heart set on a girl, and he was told his wife was expecting a girl and a boy, they were both delighted, she gave birth early, the boy was fine, but the girl had a few problems and eventually died, this couple were devastated, all they had ever wanted was a little girl, at the funeral, the smallest coffin I have ever seen was carried in by my friend, a tough east end butcher, crying his eyes out like his heart was broken
Compare this was a memory I have of a family I know (sikh) who had just had a girl, I was at the house while the phone was ringing with family congratulations, only it was more like somebody had died, quiet whispers, apologies, tears,
Now these people, are the same types of people, human beings, with feelings, so what has gone wrong,
The truth is that women have always had it hard, and in some societies, they are still, absolutely repressed, I believe that Sikhism has tried to make inroads into equality, but good old human nature just takes over, together with tradition, bitterness, control, the whole circle keeps going round, the abused grow up to be the abuser, how many mother in laws, having suffered themselves are going to take kindly to a daughter in law coming into a family and enjoying liberties and treatment that did not exist 20 years ago, how many would like to forgive and forget, but just cannot,
My friend did not feel anything negative for his daughter because he does not live in a society that places glory on a son, he does not have to worry about a dowry, he just has to worry about what he wants, and what his wife wants, compare that to most indian couples who are about to give birth, its not about what he or her wants, its about what the family wants, and I think there lies the difference and the solution, we need more enlightened people in families to put forward the proposition that it makes no difference, those wrinkled stern looking elders need to start reassuring the younger generations that hold them in such high esteem that girls are ok, and everything else will filter down, the problem people, in families, Gurdwaras, that do that little sorry smile and pained expression on hearing 'its a girl' need to be mocked and ridiculed for their stances, younger people need to start asking more questions, we need to shame anyone who actually really believes that it makes any difference as to what the sex of a child is, and then maybe one day, in our culture, it really won't matter, who knows, maybe it will swing round so much, people will be ashamed of having boys
My dear neighbour next door, a butcher whose wife was expecting twins a few months ago, had his heart set on a girl, and he was told his wife was expecting a girl and a boy, they were both delighted, she gave birth early, the boy was fine, but the girl had a few problems and eventually died, this couple were devastated, all they had ever wanted was a little girl, at the funeral, the smallest coffin I have ever seen was carried in by my friend, a tough east end butcher, crying his eyes out like his heart was broken
Compare this was a memory I have of a family I know (sikh) who had just had a girl, I was at the house while the phone was ringing with family congratulations, only it was more like somebody had died, quiet whispers, apologies, tears,
Now these people, are the same types of people, human beings, with feelings, so what has gone wrong,
The truth is that women have always had it hard, and in some societies, they are still, absolutely repressed, I believe that Sikhism has tried to make inroads into equality, but good old human nature just takes over, together with tradition, bitterness, control, the whole circle keeps going round, the abused grow up to be the abuser, how many mother in laws, having suffered themselves are going to take kindly to a daughter in law coming into a family and enjoying liberties and treatment that did not exist 20 years ago, how many would like to forgive and forget, but just cannot,
My friend did not feel anything negative for his daughter because he does not live in a society that places glory on a son, he does not have to worry about a dowry, he just has to worry about what he wants, and what his wife wants, compare that to most indian couples who are about to give birth, its not about what he or her wants, its about what the family wants, and I think there lies the difference and the solution, we need more enlightened people in families to put forward the proposition that it makes no difference, those wrinkled stern looking elders need to start reassuring the younger generations that hold them in such high esteem that girls are ok, and everything else will filter down, the problem people, in families, Gurdwaras, that do that little sorry smile and pained expression on hearing 'its a girl' need to be mocked and ridiculed for their stances, younger people need to start asking more questions, we need to shame anyone who actually really believes that it makes any difference as to what the sex of a child is, and then maybe one day, in our culture, it really won't matter, who knows, maybe it will swing round so much, people will be ashamed of having boys
