Gurfatehji,
I am beginning to be quite enchanted by the Guru's words as spoken by Guruka Singh. Yeterday I watched his discourse on Sin and Guilt, and also on judging others, both made excellent points, thank you Bhagatsinghji for pointing me in the direction of that.
There are certain things that I do that make me feel guilty, but they give me pleasure, so I carry on doing them, they are not huge issues, and the guilt I feel is small, like eating lots of chocolate and fatty foods, when I know with my heart condition I should know better, or having lustful thoughts towards my wife, when she clearly needs a hug, and just a hug!. In bed last night, with the normal sprawl of animals all over me, I thought about the whole guilt pleasure sin thing, pleasure is pleasure, not bliss, what is the difference? My wife loves shopping, I mean, she really really loves shopping in a quite obsessive way, not even for personal things but pointless things, to the point where several months ago, she asked me if I could just give her enough small change to get through the day every morning. I don't hugely like this, but I understand that in order to conquer certain things you need to have all the help you can get, I agreed, if she needs to buy anything, she buys it of the internet, but on any given day, she will have only small change in her pocket. My mother thinks this is ridiculous, and rightly so! but It is my wifes way of releasing herself from the pleasure/guilt roundabout, only I had not realised this before watching the sin/guilt video, it says, there is no sin, only guilt, if you feel guilt, stop doing what makes you guilty, as guilt will drag you down, not sin. I explained this to my wife, and she nodded and said she felt happier not feeling guilty about spending money on pointless things, although she accepted that it did bring her pleasure. I remarked that as closer as I get to enlightenment, she always seems to be one step ahead of me, without even realising it.
Together we read some of the posts here about creation, consonance and wisdom, then I hugged my dogs, and talked to them, and we watched tv in each others arms for the next hour. Conclusion? Bliss is pleasure without guilt, and thats what makes it so blissful.
This morning, I realised I had left home without my wallet. The car petrol gauge is useless, and although it showed quarter tank, the car started chugging, and then stalled about half a mile from the petrol station. This did not bother me hugely, I started it, and it fired, and we got to the petrol station, albeit with a pocket full of change and no wallet. I thought maybe it was just something in the fuel line, and not wanting to waste my precious change on petrol as opposed to chocolate and coca cola, I debated driving off, but I decided to drive round the forecourt to see if it really was out, and it seemed ok, but chugged when i stopped by the pump. So I drive round again, and it was fine, but again it chugged as I pulled up by the pump, not wanting to waste more petrol with another circuit, and aware that the staff inside were staring at this mad fool driving round the pumps, I conceded that there would be no coca cola and chocolate this morning, and filled the car with a fiver, standing in the queue, I noticed I had about 6 pounds in my pocket, not quite enough, but then, at the front of the queue, in a basket, coca cola and a huge bar of chocolate, both reduced and within budget!, now, that feeling, was bliss, not utter bliss, as I shouldn't really be stuffing my face, but nevertheless, in that time, and in that place, and in that context, yes, I was blissfully happy.
Gurbani, I would like to think can bring on these feelings with no guilt, and eventually, I would hope, with no third party interaction, ie, you are in bliss because you are happy to know god.
Now prayer- with all this bliss I am experiencing, (which i was experiencing before, I just did not know it), I feel the urge to thank people, I keep thanking my wife for being so patient and showing such an interest in sikh philosophy, my parents for, again, being so patient and understanding that instead of a grandson with a little jura, they have ended with a stepgrandson 6 and a half foot tall, and not of a matching colour!, and for some reason, I keep finding myself saying Dhan Dhan Nanak, and, would you believe it, the odd shabad has now permeated my subconcious, so far, Dukh Bhanjan tera nam, probably as I saw the film as I child, Deh Sheeva, from the same film, my way of thanking the creator not so much for the bliss, but for seeing the bliss, for being able to see the bliss,
thank you all again so much for the wise words that have helped me get to this point
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